Chances (LokiOC)
by Marvellover16
Summary: 'In a way me and him were practically the same: shattered beyond repair and unwilling to let anyone in. Except I'd been given a second chance and he wasn't even going to see a glimpse of one. That's where I was going to change things. I wasn't going to let S.H.I.E.L.D find him - I was going to give him the second chance he needed, no matter how much he annoyed me.'
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One**

 **Hello readers! It's been far too long since I've written anything so I thought I'd give you all something new I'm sorry for being gone for so long xx Secondly I do not own the Marvel Universe (unfortunately), I only own my OCs and plot lines so please don't take them. Happy reading people! Please do review xx**

Rachel Platten's 'Fight song' blared through the speakers of my rundown truck. Tap, tappity, tap. I kept the steady rhythm on my steering wheel as I watched the traffic grind to a halt, again. A small star shot across the sky then. May as well make a wish... I wish something good would happen to me for once. It really was a shot into the dark, a long shot, but oh well...

I let the engine idle, contemplating leaving my truck there in the middle of the road and walking home. It would be far quicker.

I glanced down at my phone: a news banner running across the screen: "Avengers saved the world a month ago from something they caused; is something bigger coming? Evidence says yes." Great. Brilliant. Fantastic. Everyone was panic buying. Idiots. I hit the accelerator and turned the corner a little too sharply, speeding down the cut through and into my road. Ugh, an hour to get home from the town centre. That was far too painful.

I pulled on the handbrake, slipping my phone into my handbag and legging it out of the ancient heap of metal. The traffic had been far too crazy after the whole Avengers headline, fear mongering media idiots. Jesus, it wasn't even in the UK and people were going to the shop to stock up for Armageddon. Trust me when I say this: a loaf of bread and some jam will not save your arse if a robot decides to kill you. Or any other alien which falls from the sky.

The key clattered on the side as I entered my house, flicking the lights on. They flickered twice before illuminating the room before me.

Blue eyes stared at me surrounded by raven black hair that was messily hiding a sharp jawline.

My handbag plummeted to the floor, along with my stomach. The dull thud made the figure jump slightly. There sitting on my sofa was a man looking ever so slightly beat up. Bruises decorated his face and muscular arms, whilst a cut ran down his lip. Ouch. His black shirt was extremely tight and so were his black jeans. Okay, so I had a beat up emo dude on my sofa...

"Midgardian, I wondered when you would be back home." He sat up, groaning slightly. His voice was rich and somewhat chilling. And he was most definitely not from around here. Okay...

Act natural, that's what I was going to do... "Ummm, do I know you?" I asked, kicking my bag to the side and grabbing the bat I kept for situations just like this. Not that I'd ever envisioned having such a situation like this one... Maybe he was a one night stand I'd forgotten about in the cupboard and now he'd finally escaped and waited here for revenge? The ragged, long hair would explain that but he was cleanly shaven... So where the hell had he come from?

"Do you remember the New York battle with the aliens?" The man's blue eyes watched me, raven black hair sticking out all over the place. A rather large air of authority rolled off of him whilst his voice had the ability to draw you in and hypnotise.

"Yes." I nodded, stepping forward. I let the bat swing in my grasp: hopefully the dude understood warnings.

"That was me," he grinned, gaze flickering to the bat. "It would have worked if some insolent fools had interfered and you Midgardians hadn't denied being ruled."

"Loki!" I shouted, raising the bat and rushing past him for the phone.

A cold hand encircled my wrist. I was twisted around. My nose collided with a hard chest. I looked up into his icy blue eyes.

"I promise you earthling I will not hurt you. You have my word." His voice seemed tired, bored almost, like he'd done this a hundred times. What happens if this was like the tenth house he'd been to and he'd killed all the other homeowners he'd come across...?

What on earth was wrong with him? Last time the Diva had been strutting his stuff on Stark Tower, now... Well, he was a mess.

I stood, watching him for a few minutes before setting the bat down. I wriggled my wrist around.

Loki's gaze dropped down to my wrist before he let go of it, sighing. "Midgardians..."

"You better not hurt me," I snapped. I pressed the bat against his chest, gripping it tighter knowing my hand would shake otherwise. "Now stop moving, you're bleeding all over my carpet."

Loki rolled his eyes. "It can be re-"

"Do you have the money to pay for a replacement?" I raised my eyebrows.

Loki shrugged, huffing. "No I do not."

"Then shut up." I raked a hand through my hair. Man this was crazy, far worse than a scornful one night stand. I had a bloody God in my house! Quite literally. A rather large open wound was on his arm. Good job blood didn't faze me anymore...

Loki picked up one of my ornaments, analysing it. "My father found me mimicking him on his throne and has cast me out, powerless, to spend my life on this wretched-"

I put a finger to his lips, which were - surprisingly - soft. "One more word, I will kick you out and then call the Avengers, understood?"

Loki chuckled, stepping away from my hand. His raven locks fell into his eyes as he nodded, instantly walking back to the sofa.

"Give me one good reason - no, scratch that," I sighed. "One brilliant, amazing reason why I shouldn't cast you out?"

Loki smirked. "My father and oh so perfect brother have already done that, I can assure you I will feel nothing towards your actions. Nobody seems to like me and you probably will not either." Loki grinned, his tone bitter. "But, do not worry the feeling is mutual."

"The phone is just over there." I pointed to the metal device used for phone calls. "Do I need to get it? Or are you gonna drop the attitude?"

Loki locked gazes. "No you do not need to call anyone, Midgardian."

"Then do tell me your excellent reason in order for you to stay here." I walked around the sofa, sitting next to him. The bat was still firmly in my grasp, ready for action. At least it wasn't a loaf of bread, that would be totally useless. In some weird way I still wished I lived at home, then I wouldn't be in this predicament at all. With him.

Loki's lips pressed into a thin line. His eyes flickered as if he was fighting an inner battle. At last he sighed. "I broke the wooden contraption in your garden when I arrived here, that is what wounded me."

"You broke my shed?" I watched Loki's smirk widen.

"Yes I did."

"So not only are you a destroyer of worlds, you're a destroyer of sheds." I shook my head, putting a palm to my face.

Loki turned to look me in the eye, his smirk slowly disappearing. "I also broke the lock on your back door."

"That's not a positive thing, that's a bloody con!" I waved my bat around, standing up. I probably looked like a stark raving lunatic but he was a stark raving lunatic so he couldn't exactly judge me. He had no right to judge me after the stunts he'd pulled.

"I am well aware of that, Midgardian." Loki rolled his eyes, his nostrils flaring. "I just thought honesty would be the best way forward in this mess. Nobody trusts me and I thought I should try to gain your trust by being honest for once in my life."

"Says the God of Mischief and lies..." I mumbled, collapsing back onto the sofa. Why me?

Loki chuckled before making a dissatisfied sound. "That would be the former God of mischief and lies."

I looked to him, shocked. "You're not a God anymore?"

"As of now I am nothing more than a Midgardian, like yourself," Loki sighed. "Did I not announce that earlier?"

"Hmmmm..." I shook my head, leaning back on the sofa and closing my eyes. Okay. I had a God in my house. It turned out the shooting star I'd made a wish on earlier was actually said 'God' falling from the sky. Wow, exiled and forced to skydive. I'm surprised he wasn't a little more pissed.

"What are you doing, Midgardian?" Loki's tone sounded bored again. A finger poked my face. Brilliant.

I flinched away, getting up and putting the bat back. "Thinking what the hell I'm going to do with you, Midgardian."

I picked up my first aid kit, watching the God before me. This was definitely not what I had in mind when I came home from work this evening. Personally I was just going to log onto Wattpad read a few fics before grabbing dinner and then go to bed. Maybe listen to some dramatic readings of my immortal before finally drifting off to sleep. So much for that happening...


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

The sofa sank underneath me as I knelt facing the God. I opened the first aid kit, pushing a random strand of hair behind my ear. Looks like it I would have to make use of what little first aid stuff I had...

"Okay, so the cut on your arm and your lip... Is that all your open wounds?" I asked before allowing some annoyance into my voice. "From my shed."

Loki nodded, blue eyes scanning my face. I don't see what he was looking for.

"I don't see the point in lying, unlike you." I ripped open the antiseptic wipe. "So this will hurt."

"I guess I deserved that," Loki murmured. What the hell?! This was not the God the public knew. This was the puny God the news had spoken of, that the Hulk yelled about.

I sighed. "Can I ask you one small question?"

"Of course."

I pressed the wipe to his arm, cleaning the wound. "Where the hell has sassy pants from New York gone?"

"He is still here, Midgardian," Loki smirked. "He just disappeared momentarily to finish Taking Over The World Part Two."

"Don't get any ideas or I'll shove that staff where the sun doesn't shine. And as for that kneel crap, you try to make me kneel I will break you." I glanced towards the bat.

Loki laughed. "You would make a grand ruler."

I put a clean antiseptic wipe to the cut on his lip. "No, I won't be your queen."

Loki's eyes met mine. "What ever gave you the impression I would want you as a queen?"

"Whatever gave you the impression I wanted you to comment on what I said?" I glared at him.

"Stichomythia."

I stopped attending to his wound. "What?"

"It is Greek for verbal sparring," Loki sighed. "How uneducated Midgardians are, how your race has lasted this long I do not know."

I pointed to the door, smiling sweetly.

"Of course, there is time to improve your race, and you. We will just have to see." Loki flexed his right hand, looking to me.

I pressed a little too hard on his wound, smirking as he flinched, serves him right. "No we won't see, we won't be doing anything."

Loki winced as I cleaned the wound on his lip. His lips were probably his most attractive feature. Aside from his eyes but they were too cold to be called beautiful; they were like a frozen lake, impenetrable. But his lips...

They suddenly curved upwards into a smirk again. "You are staring at my lips, Midgardian."

I took the wipe away and reached for a plaster and bandage. "Do you want my help or not? The cold street outside is calling your name right now."

Loki nodded. His smirk didn't disappear though. I wasn't going to lie: damn did he look hot when he smirked! But he was a tyrannical, loopy God and that certainly was not my type. Nope. To be honest I'd never really thought about that being a guy type until precisely this moment in time.

I wrapped the bandage around his arm. His skin was soft too, and where I held his arm I could feel his muscles flex. I removed my hand unsure of the situation.

"Okay..." I stuck the plaster on his lip before leaning back to admire my handy work. The God still looked like the Hulk had used him as his chew toy again but he didn't seem so helpless anymore. In fact his smirk had grown and he looked troublesome. Not good. "You need to look less conspicuous, buddy. I mean you've lost your jazzy helmet so that's a start."

"Jazzy helmet?" In his Shakespearean accent it sounded hilarious. I mean I'm a Brit but his voice made the sentence hilarious.

I burst out laughing.

"My helmet was spectacular and was awed by all who saw it," he frowned.

I wiped the tears from my eyes. "Right... You looked like a deranged goat."

"Do not offend me Midgardian," he snapped.

"Do not get sassy with me, God," I snapped back.

Loki clenched his jaw. That would have been sexy if he wasn't a lunatic God.

"How do you propose I look less conspicuous then?" Loki crossed his arms across his chest.

"Well, your hair makes you obvious goldilocks-"

"I am not my brother." Loki's smirk disappeared. He was glaring at me. Wow. Damn this guy had an attitude.

Okay back track. "I wasn't comparing you to Thor. Goldilocks is a fairytale character you douche."

Loki raised a slender black eyebrow. "You're quite the name caller. I might go as far as to say I'm offended by your frosty reception. Quite the host aren't you?"

I rolled my eyes, standing up. "Well, when you're done sulking and acting like a child, I'll be in the kitchen, getting food." I put back the first aid box. "Oh and Loki?"

His blue eyes were like razors. "What do you require now, Midgardian?"

"I can tell it's a Thor subject so I'll leave it alone for now," I grinned before walking off into the kitchen. Dammit, I'd told him where I was going. What was I going to do?

Act natural I guess. I reached up into my cupboard finding a jar of tomato sauce.

"You are not funny, Midgardian." His voice was ice cold and right by ear.

Oh my god.

I spun on him. "Don't call me that." I waved the jar in his face. Very threatening I know.

"Do not make fun of me then. Besides you did not tell me your name, so what am I supposed to call you?" Shit, how tall was this man?! And why would I tell him my name? He could use it to possess me when he got his magic back or something crazy.

"Ugh," I grumbled, walking past him.

"Ugh is your name?" Loki laughed.

I crouched, raiding in the cupboard for some pasta and two pans. "At least it's not as stupid as yours. Besides you're going to have to come up with an alternative because your name is not exactly low key."

Loki's eyes narrowed. "I admire your cruelty. But I must know do you treat everyone like this, like dirt on your shoe, insignificant?"

"Only people I don't like," I grinned at him, straightening up.

Loki's smirk disappeared and his eyes flashed with hurt before he composed himself. "You do not even know me."

"I know enough about you." I set the pasta and jar on the side, rubbing my bicep. "Okay, that was below the belt. I'm sorry, it's just been a really long day and as you can probably tell I don't deal with people well." I opened the fridge as Loki settled onto one of the breakfast bar seats.

"You do not know my reasons for my actions so you cannot judge me for them," he replied solemnly. "Only when you know me can you judge me."

"You're right, I don't know you and now I feel bad for saying what I said." I shut the fridge door, extending a purple packet to him.

"What is that?" Loki's black brows shot across his forehead to meet each other in a frown.

"Chocolate," I smirked. The packet ripped easily in my hands as I stepped forward, handing him a small square. "Try it."

Loki eyed the piece of food, before he extended his hand and took it. His lips parted briefly as he popped it in his mouth before he genuinely smiled. "This is Devine, Midgardian."

"Here, eat the rest it'll make you feel better." I turned back to the work surface filling the pan with water and the other with the red sauce. I heard Loki scoff behind me. One thing I'd learnt about him: giving him sympathy hacked him off. The gas flickered on, heating both of the pans. Now all I had to do was wait.

I settled into the seat across from Loki. "So... We could play twenty questions while we wait for food. Then I can conclude whether you're crazy."

"I am assuming that is a game where Midgardians ask each other twenty questions?" Loki raised an eyebrow.

"You guessed right." I shrugged. What else was I supposed to do? Besides this would help me get to know him better...

"Ladies first unless your customs here are different..." Loki's eyes never left mine. It was unnerving how cold they were and how you couldn't read a single emotion in them.

"No, they're the same." I bit my bottom lip, thinking. "What's your full name?"

Loki's face flickered with amusement. "Loki Laufeyson."

"Interesting." I nodded.

"What do you want most in the world?" Loki sat back in his seat, hands neatly folded on the counter.

"Ummm... I've never really thought about that," I laughed. "I suppose world peace?"

Loki chuckled. "You sound like the Avengers."

"Okay, maybe not then..." I looked over to the pan. No bubbles yet. "I guess I want someone who understands me." Way to sound pathetic there buddy...

"Is that not what we all want," Loki sighed. "My mother was the only one who understood me..." His blue eyes flickered to the marble worktop.

"I'm sorry," I whispered.

His gaze immediately met mine. "I do not want your sympathy Midgardian nor do I want your empathy you are below me and do not forget it."

Ouch, I'd touched a nerve. "What happened to her?"

Loki blinked twice, taking a rather deep breath. "I told a monster to go one way and in turn he found my mother and killed her. I suppose you could say it was my fault. You may not trust me Midgardian but you can be sure of one thing: you can trust my rage - at myself and the world."

"Did you tell him him to kill her?" I asked, getting up and adding pasta to the boiling water and stirring the sauce.

I looked back to see Loki clenching his jaw. "I don't see how this has-"

"Just answer the god damn question!" I snapped.

Loki gave me a sincere look. "I would never ask someone to do such a thing, I may be a monster but I would never be a creature of Hell."

"Then it wasn't your fault, the monster chose his own actions not you." I sat back down.

Loki tilted his head, watching me. "You speak words of wisdom for someone of such an infantile species."

"And I've also used up four questions," I tutted.

"What is your mother like?" Loki asked.

I thought back to last year, flinching. "Was."

A cold hand was on top of my own. "I am sorry."

"You're a hypocrite you know?" I laughed.

"If I answer that it will count as a fifth question," Loki smirked. Douche.

"It was rhetorical, you have two questions left." He didn't move his hand from mine as I spoke. Strangely, I found it comforting. It made the pain a little easier.

He glanced down at our hands. "What happened to your mother?"

I tore my hand away from his. "Do you remember the New York attack?" I could already feel the tears welling in my eyes. I could hear too easily the phone call my parents had made to me amongst screams.

Loki froze. "No."

I broke his gaze, feeling cold. "The Chitauri killed them."

Loki sighed. "That was my fault and I take full responsibility for their-"

I leant across the table, putting a finger to his lips for the second time. "Don't say it, I don't want to hear it right now. I don't want to think about it. I don't want to hear how you're sorry when you're not. You're just trying to stay alive right now and I'm the means necessary to do that."

Loki took my finger from his lips. "I am a bad person even you cannot argue that, Midgardian. And if you do not want my remorse then I will not give it to you."

"You were a bad person." I sat back in my seat.

Loki frowned. "I do not understand, I have not died so why are you using past tense?"

"You haven't done anything bad to me, well apart from the shed but I'm guessing that wasn't your fault, unless now you have a desire to destroy all garden sheds in the area." I raised an eyebrow.

Loki laughed but it sounded tense. "You are saying that in the future I may be good?"

"Anything can happen." I shrugged, getting up and turning off the pasta. "The world is full of 'what ifs'."

"You are not angry with me." Loki stood by my side, watching me drain the pasta. "Why?"

"I get the feeling that's all you've ever had." I put the pasta back in the pan, adding the sauce and stirring it on a low heat. "People being angry at you."

"So you're choosing to ignore the fact that I got your parents killed?"

I waved the wooden spoon in his face. So threatening. "One, I will never forget that you were part of the asshole brigade which came down to earth and killed my parents on their 30th wedding anniversary and-" I continued to stir. "- Two you were just a puppet in a show, and three if I was that angry with you I would have kicked you out of the door the moment I walked in and saw you. No, in fact I would have killed you myself but I didn't so stop doing the whole 'I'm terribly sorry act' because I don't care and it's a waste of time for the both of us."

Loki's mouth hung open before he closed it and buried his hands in his pockets.

I sighed. "And four, right now I don't see an angry, rebellious Diva in front of me. Right now I can see someone who needs help. Someone who's lost - you're broken. And I'm going to help you whether you want my sympathy or not, because that's the idiot that I am. Besides the bonus is that it pisses you off when people feel sorry for you."

"Thank you, Midgardian," Loki croaked as if the words seemed foreign to him. They probably were.

"No problem." I reached up into the cupboard, grabbing two bowls. The gas flickered off as I removed the pan from the hob and poured the steaming contents into the bowls.

I grabbed two spoons, handing one to the God. "You better be hungry."

"When you've been in prison as long as I have you're always hungry," Loki mumbled, taking a bowl and sitting back down.

"Prison?" I took a mouthful of food.

"Actions as serious as mine don't come without consequences," Loki sighed. "The Allfather threatened to have my mouth sewn shut to keep me from weaving my tales of deceit."

"Why did they kick you out?" I asked, setting my spoon down.

"They cast me out because I faked my own death and tried to overthrow the king. My brother and step-father found out and threw me in prison where I rotted for half a year before my step-father decided on my punishment. They have exiled me to earth until I can show them I have changed my ways and that I would make a good ruler." Loki took another mouthful of food.

"And how are you supposed to do that?" I asked.

Loki smirked. "For once, I do not know, besides is it not my turn to ask questions?"

"True," I mumbled through a mouthful of food.

"What is your favourite colour?" Loki asked.

"Emerald."

"A brilliant choice," Loki purred.

"Creepy much?" I laughed.

"It is my favourite colour too," Loki grinned. "There is nothing creepy about coincidences, Midgardian."

I shook my head. "Shame, I had you pinned down as a rainbow guy..."

"What are your hobbies?" Loki questioned. His blue gaze was kind of imprisoning as I stopped eating.

"Well I like reading and cooking I guess."

Loki pushed back a lock of his hair. "How old are you?"

"I'm twenty-one. How old are you?"

Loki's lips pulled up at the corners. "I am over a hundred years old."

I dropped my spoon. "You're so old!"

Loki raised his eyebrows. "Was that necessary?"

"You look thirty, late twenties at the least," I muttered. "Where do you buy your skin cream?"

Loki chuckled. "Asgard."

"Bit far to travel." I set down my spoon.

Loki set down his spoon too. "It was delicious." His bowl was completely empty. He wasn't lying when he said he was hungry...

I yawned, as I stood up and put the dishes in the sink.

"This is an unusual sensation..." Loki mumbled, looking paler than normal.

"What's wrong?" I asked. If he was going to faint there was no why in hell I'd be able to catch him.

"I feel fatigue." Loki's pale face creased as he frowned again.

I nodded. "Tough life being a Midgardian, but hey I didn't choose the Midgardian life it chose me. And now it's chosen you." I motioned to the living room. "The sofa is back in there, feel free to sleep on it. If you even do that sort of thing."

"Surprisingly Gods sleep too." His voice was near me. He'd followed me to the airing cupboard. "And thank you, Midgardian."

I sighed, chucking him a blanket. "Yeah well, don't get used to it. It's a cat eat cat world here."

"I was not planning on such a thing, relying on a pathetic Mid-"

I chucked a pillow at his head. "You're the puny God here buddy so don't you dare start that." My hair fell in my eyes as I went into my bedroom. Thank god it had gone back to name calling. I didn't like how he'd suddenly become nice. It was odd and gave me the heebeegeebees.

"Goodnight, Midgardian." His voice was right by my door, no longer soft but cold.

"Goodnight." I pulled my shirt over my head and ditched my bra, putting on a PJ top. I did the same with my trousers and pants, swapping them for some shorts.

"Midgardian?"

"What's wrong Loki?" I asked, opening my bedroom door and leaning on it.

He motioned to his clothes. "Could I borrow a more suitable attire for sleeping?"

I felt sorry for him then. He looked like a little lost puppy that no one wanted, including me.

I went back inside my room, raiding around in my draws until I found an old pair of baggy shorts and a massive t-shirt. "Will this be okay?"

"Yes, Midgardian."

I took the clothes back from him. "Manners?"

"Yes, thank you," Loki said. I didn't miss his jaw clench as he looked down at me. He was so tall... It was obvious he hadn't had to rely on others until now.

I handed him the clothes, laughing. "Goodnight Loki. And as for my name, it's Freya."

Loki nodded, turning on his heel. His smirk was gone.

I closed my bedroom door then. This was an interesting turn of events to say the least... What on earth was I going to do with him? And what was he doing to me?! Those blue eyes were so piercing and cold but in that one moment in the kitchen they'd changed; they'd become kind. And then all too soon the kindness had disappeared and The Loki was back. But underneath it all, underneath the vanity, the arrogance, the charisma he was broken and he was trying his best to hide it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

I yawned, slowly sitting up. Man, I'd had the strangest dream last night: Loki had actually been at my house. And he'd been nice! Aha, ridiculous I know. The floorboards were cold under my feet as I walked out of my bedroom across the living room into the bathroom.

There standing in my shower was a naked man. No, a naked God.

It hadn't been a dream! Loki was in my shower. Oh god no!

"Lock the door!" I yelled, covering my eyes with my hands.

"Have you not seen a naked man before, Midgardian?" Loki laughed.

I blindly walked backwards, reaching for the door handle. "Yes, but I didn't expect to see a naked you this morning."

I ran out of the bathroom. My mind was already burned with the image of Loki's soapy bum cheeks. Good god. I picked up the blanket from the floor, chucking it on the sofa before walking into the kitchen.

My hair hung in my eyes: it was brown and pretty dull. Nothing special. I'd been meaning to dip dye it blue but I hadn't had the time yet.

A cough sounded in the kitchen doorway. "Where does one find something to dry themselves with?"

I blinked twice. Loki now stood butt naked in my god damn kitchen.

"Cover it!" I yelled, tossing him a tea towel.

"Cover what?" Loki frowned, catching the tea towel like he had a million dollar arm.

I gave him a look of despair.

Loki smirked. "Ahhh, you want me to cover my-"

"No, please don't even say it. I do not need to hear that right now." I walked past him to grab a towel. Dammit he didn't need a staff... Whoa I was so not thinking that.

"Why would you want to cover such a-"

I chucked the towel over his head, leaning on the kitchen counter. No, just no.

Loki held the towel away from his toned body. His hair was deadly straight and his smirk even more wicked in the morning light. His muscles were surprisingly larger than I thought they would be, and his V-lines... Oh my god no!

I caught his sapphire gaze.

He smirked. "Do not blush, Midgardian, there is nothing wrong with admiring fine architecture." God was he arrogant.

"Shut up," I snapped, hurrying past him.

The floor was wet.

My foot skidded ahead of me. I lost my balance.

A strong hand grabbed my bicep. "Even you are swooning at me, clumsy, little Midgardian," he growled, wrapping the towel around his waist.

I tore from his grasp. "No, I was falling."

"So you are falling for me?" Loki tilted his head, the smirk still playing around on his face. "You would never be worthy of me, earthling."

I laughed. "Really, worthy of you? A puny God."

His eyes... They'd become annoyed. I guess being Hulk Smashed would leave psychological scars. "At least I am a God, everyone knows my name. But you, no one knows who you are. You're insignificant."

"Do you want me to slap that smirk off your face?" I glared up at him.

Loki's jaw muscles leapt. "You are not worthy of touching royalty, Midgardian."

"You're not worthy of being in Asgard so don't start that one," I snapped, pushing my fringe off of my face. "They cast you out!"

"I was worthy of being King!" Loki yelled.

I shrank back. His voice was loud and honestly it scared me. I did the one thing I always did when I was scared: I retaliated. "You obviously weren't if you're stuck here!"

"Stuck here with you." Loki's words were ice covered and his gaze was hostile. "Being here with you is punishment enough, trapped here with an insolent creature who has barely enough intellect to argue back," he spat.

"The door is that way." I pointed. "Go ahead, leave. Go be the Hulk's chew toy, I really don't care."

Loki stepped closer to me. "Midgardian you'd do well to remember that even though I may have a body like yours-" he paused, voice dropping "-I can still kill you with my bare hands in but a minute." His breath blew in my face and caused goosebumps to spring on my arms.

"Don't you dare take it out on me that you have daddy issues!" I let the anger consume me, taking a step closer to him as well. Our chests were touching. I only had to tilt my head slightly to look up into his eyes. Eyes that now burned with anger.

"I let you see my weak side yesterday, but I can assure you that will never happen again," he snapped. "You are beneath me, a pathetic excuse of a life form which is quite frankly in the way. You were born to kneel to beings like me, and you will." This was the monster who had gotten my parents killed. This was the creature who had ordered my parents' murder.

Slap. The sound echoed around the kitchen. My hand stung briefly but the satisfaction of hitting him completely drowned out the pain. A vivid red mark grew on his face.

"I took you in and helped you and this is how you repay me?" I pushed him away from me. "You know they're right, the Avengers, your father and your brother - you are the bad guy. I was a complete idiot in thinking I could change that. You're not a Disney character, this isn't a fairytale; this is cold, harsh reality. The reality where you got my parents killed and where I should have done the right thing and kicked you out when I first saw you."

Loki finally raised a hand to his cheek. "Freya-"

"No, don't use my name, don't act like you're sorry!" I made my way into the living room.

"I am sorry." I turned to look at the God just before a dark smirk broke across his face. "I am sorry I cannot end you now Midgardian, put you out of your misery."

That was it. I reached for the phone dialling 999.

Loki leaped on me, pushing me onto the sofa. "Don't. You. Dare," he seethed in my ear. His grip was like iron on my wrist. It hurt. I dropped the phone.

He picked it up. "Hello, I'm sorry I must have rung you by accident." His voice was flawless and full of lies. Cold blue eyes glared down at me. The phone was discarded on the floor behind the sofa. If looks could kill...

I don't know why, but I laughed. The God of Mischief and Lies was pinning me to the sofa with the most murderous look on his face, in nothing but a towel. "I see what you're doing," I whispered.

"What am I doing then, Midgardian?" Loki hissed, anger staining his face.

"You're pushing me away because I got close." My words hung in the air for a while before Loki rose off of me.

He stared at me, his features flickering between that of rage and something else, something softer - guilt. But the guilt disappeared all too quickly and his eyes flared with rage.

I sat up on the sofa, not daring to get up. "I know people like-"

"There is no one like me." Loki crossed his arms over his chest. "Only in your nightmares, in the darkest most desolate places of your mind."

"My life is my nightmare," I snapped, standing up. "You're broken and confused; you take it out on the people who care. You probably took it out on your mum."

Loki clenched his fists, his face flashing with rage. "Don't act like you know me!"

"Stop treating me like I'm shit on your shoe then!" I yelled back.

"Midgardian, you're nothing but dirt on my shoe." Loki stepped away from me. "An ant underneath my boot."

"Yeah well at least I'm not a psycho!" I tried to regulate my breathing.

"I'm not crazy," Loki whispered. "I am not insane I merely act instinctively which earns me the title of lunatic."

"You killed eighty people because it was fun and you got my parents killed." I stepped towards Loki. "It's your fault they're dead. And it's your fault I never got to apologise and explain to them what happened..." I trailed off, biting back tears. No. I wasn't crying in front of this pathetic excuse of a God. "You asked why I wasn't angry. I wasn't angry because I thought I'd give you a second chance but I'm seriously regretting it right now."

Loki stood scowling at me, pale arms crossed over his chest. "If you Midgardians had let me rule you then she would not be dead. I would never had been imprisoned. My mother would still be alive."

"Don't blame me for her death." I glared back at him.

We both stood hostile in the middle of my living room. I don't know how long we spent staring each other down. But the tension in the room was pretty intense. His shoulders rose and fell in steady motions whilst my breaths were rapid and shallow.

Neither one of us moved as the temperature in the room slowly dropped.

Loki uncrossed his arms, raking a hand through his hair. "I told her she was not my mother right before she died."

Slowly, I reached out and touched the semi-naked God on the cheek. "You finally decided to come back then."

He blinked rapidly, flexing his jaw. "What do you mean, Midgardian?"

"That wasn't you just now, that was the monster you created to protect yourself."

His hand reached up and touched mine. "The only other person who cared about me was my mother."

"Who said I care?" I laughed, withdrawing my hand. "I'm just worried you're either going to burn my house down along with me in it or you're going to cause the great floods of 2015."

Loki's eyes shone with an emotion I couldn't interpret. "You have a funny way of pushing people away, Earthling."

"At least it's not abusive." I rubbed my wrist.

"I will admit that I have a temper." Loki shook his head, standing up. His cheek still shone red with my hand print. He had deserved it though... But that didn't mean I didn't feel bad about it.

"I wouldn't have guessed." I walked past him - all the while his eyes on me - off to my bedroom. "Help yourself to the magic charms in the top left cupboard that's all I have." And that's all you deserve I wanted to call too, but I didn't. The tension in the air was gone now and there was no point in bringing it back.

I raided through my drawers finding my work clothes. The jumpsuit was a plain grey with an eagle in a circle on the right breast. The sign of S.H.I.E.L.D. How was I going to explain that to Loki...?

I went into my top drawer, searching for underwear. Nothing. Ugh. I walked back out into the living room to the tumble dryer and pulled out a bra and pants.

"What is the point in wearing that, Midgardian?" Loki smirked from the sofa. He was still in the towel but he no longer looked like the raging man he had been a few minutes ago. He was the cocky Loki I'd experienced in the bathroom.

What was he talking about? I looked down to the undergarment in my hand: a thong. "No VPL I guess." I shrugged, heading back to my room.

"And what on Midgard does that mean?" Loki frowned.

"Visible pant line," I laughed, closing my bedroom door. I changed quickly, zipping up my jumpsuit just above my bra before exciting my room. I had to admit I was a little self conscious about the way I looked now that he was in my house. Why did Loki have to land in my shed anyway? I was just a normal twenty one year old student who was quite content on solitude. Well, sort of normal. I pulled my unruly hair into a ponytail, walking through the living room.

The kitchen floor was mopped up and Loki now sat on my counter - the towel still around his waist, thank god. I needed to stop saying God, he was one... And I certainly wasn't thanking him.

"You are wearing a uniform - a S.H.I.E.L.D uniform." Loki spoke between two massive spoonfuls of Magic Charms. At least he hadn't put them in a glass or something. I'm surprised he hadn't said anything else about my career choice.

"Yes, I'm going to work," I sighed. Another bowl of cereal was on the counter. I stared at the floating wheat objects confused, there was rat poison in one of the cupboards...

"I got you breakfast too," Loki smirked. "We God's must look after the weaker species I suppose."

I eyed him before grabbing a spoon and digging in. "Could you please sit on a chair?"

"Why?" Loki asked, standing.

"Having you so close to me on the counter in just a towel is kind of off-putting to say the least," I mumbled.

"Midgardian, why haven't you handed me in?" Loki sat in the chair opposite me, his fingers laced together.

I swallowed another mouthful. "I don't know."

Loki watched me eat, a small smirk playing across his features - which was in all ways creepy. "Even for a Midgardian I would have thought you intelligent enough to hand me over. After all I've done you're sitting here with me now. I know of no other as brave or perhaps as stupid as you."

"S.H.I.E.L.D would lock you up and throw away the key," I whispered.

"Do you not want that?" Loki put down his spoon, blue gaze intense. "Your anger just then suggested you do, Midgardian."

"Funnily enough, no." I put my bowl in the sink. "I believe in second chances though, so don't muck it up."

A loud knock sounded at the door. Who would that be? I wasn't expecting anyone.

"Stay in here until I leave," I whispered.

Loki nodded. He seemed tense.

"And for god's sake put some clothes on."

Loki smirked. "Do not deny you were enjoying the view, Midgardian."

I glanced to his chiseled chest. I was enjoying the view but I'd never tell him that. Ever.

I grabbed my handbag and opened the door.

"Are you Miss Swinton?" The red head in front of me smiled. Her green eyes scanning the room behind me. Hopefully Loki had done as I'd told him.

"Yes." I knew the woman standing before me: Natasha Romanoff aka The Black Widow.

"You're needed and quickly." She wore her trademark black jumpsuit with it's blue shockers on the wrists.

I leant on the door. "On who's orders?"

"The Director." He wanted me in. It must be bad if he thought I was needed.

I nodded, slowly shutting my door behind me. "What's happened?"

We walked briskly down the drive to a shiny, black car.

"Loki's back. He arrived last night somewhere on Earth but we don't know where."

"Oh, really?" I didn't even hesitate with my answer. I couldn't.

"Yes, we're on high alert. We have to find him." Natasha unlocked the car. Dammit, things were just getting worse.

I climbed in, glancing back towards my house. "Who else has been called in?"

"All of the Avengers." The car purred as Natasha turned the key.

"Then why do you guys need me?" I clicked on my seatbelt.

Natasha turned to me. "Your power."

I let the words sink in before I spoke. "Who told you?"

Natasha let her vision drift back onto the road. "Maria Hill did."

I gritted my teeth. "She had no right-"

"You're our only shot at finding him, Freya." Natasha stopped at the red light. "Do you want a psycho wandering the streets and hurting people?"

"No, I don't," I whispered. He wasn't wandering the streets he was in my living room, doing who knows what. But I knew for sure he wasn't hurting anyone.


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

Natasha and me entered the UK S.H.I.E.L.D base. Agents were rushing to and fro with piles of paperwork in their arms and every available workspace was being used. Loki really had caused a stir. The giant metal structure practically hummed with activity as Natasha led me up the stairs. Marble decorated most of the surfaces along with stainless steel - it was beautiful in a way that only a fierce creature could be considered beautiful; the fortress stood majestic and deadly in the middle of the countryside. Very inconspicuous I know. The smell of metal and polish was too much, it was all too new inside.

"Freya!" Wanda wore her signature red leather jacket as she ran at me. My best friend had a large grin on her face, her boots thudding on the floor.

"Wanda!" I laughed, gripping her in a hug on the top step.

The Avengers sat around a large glass table - three empty seats to the far corner. Agent Maria Hill by one empty chair and then Bruce Banner by the other. I bit back a laugh at the thought of Loki's disapproved face when I referenced puny God. There was some serious psychological scarring going on there.

"It has been too long my friend," Wanda said, stepping back and looking at me. "You have changed in such a short space of time." Her accent was rich, her hand gripping mine as she lead me to sit down. I knew what she was referring to. I had changed, a lot, but it was for the better.

The seat was cold even through my jumpsuit. No one seemed to be paying much attention to me, thank goodness. This was going to be an interesting, long meeting. And that wasn't good because I hated meetings.

"Now that all of the strays have been picked up we can start." Coulson waltzed into the room. He smiled at me, winking. He'd discarded his suit jacket and only wore his smart trousers and white shirt. His tie had even disappeared. How busy was he nowadays?

"I'm not a stray." I stuck out my tongue.

My uncle laughed. "Right... Good morning everyone."

Captain America smiled. "Good morning, Phil." Ever since the Avengers had found out he was still alive everyone had been very polite towards him, and very protective. And their hatred for Loki had escalated.

Coulson gripped his hands together. "Okay, so Loki's back."

Groans ran around the table. I just sat there - silent. It wasn't my part to say anything. I hadn't been in New York. I'd been somewhere else, don't get me wrong I regretted not being there for my parents but I would have been dead too.

Thor stood up. His blonde hair was dirty and he looked worn out and tired. The God of Thunder looked knackered. "My brother has been exiled and Heimdall cannot see him. I fear my brother is reeking havoc somewhere and we must stop it."

Yeah, he was reeking havoc. In my house. But I wasn't going to tell them that. In theory they hadn't asked so why would I need to tell?

"But he has no powers now, he's human," Banner said, fiddling with his coffee mug. His soft brown hair was slightly messy and purple half moons were underneath his eyes. "Sure he's still a bag full of cats but he can't act out his dastardly plans now."

"So what's the problem then?" I asked, swinging on my seat.

"Loki is angry and when he is angry he acts irrationally and kills people," Thor's voice was sincere as he looked at me.

"Slight problem then." I nodded.

"Slight?" Stark laughed. "A crazy person who has amazing revenge tactics is on the loose and you think that's a small problem."

"I've seen bigger problems." I glanced out of the window before looking back at Stark. "Ultron for instance."

Stark glowered at me. "You're saying he was worse than Loki?"

"Far worse." I took Wanda's hand. "He killed Quicksilver and that's on your head, Stark."

"Don't bring him into this." Stark leant on the table, his glare furious.

"Haven't you seen the news headlines lately?" I stood up, letting go of Wanda's hand. "Nowhere in those headlines has there been a glimpse of Loki. Why provoke him to actually cause trouble? Then that'll be on your head too."

Stark's knuckles turned white as he gripped the table. "Why are you defending Loki?"

"I'm just saying maybe's he's changed." I kept his gaze, unfazed. I remembered the broken man who'd shouted at me, the loss of his mother proving too much. He had changed. He needed help and they wouldn't give him that.

Stark laughed and I knew he was laughing at me. "People like him don't change."

"You don't know that." I could already feel my anger rolling off in waves.

"Freya..." Maria whispered.

I sat back in my chair, sighing. "You would never give him a second chance would you?"

"Why the hell would I do that?" Stark snapped. "He killed over eighty people, need I remind you that two of those people were your parents. And another one of those was your uncle, Phil."

"Shut up." I barely whispered the words, but all eyes fell on me. The temperature in the room dropped.

"Stark, that's enough." Phil held up his hand. His gaze fell on me. "Freya, I wouldn't have called you in unless I had to."

I sighed. "What do you want me to do? Wanda's here, she can kick his arse."

Wanda grinned at me. "That I can."

"Yes, but she can't do what you do." Phil rolled up his shirt sleeves.

"And what exactly is that?" I smiled, innocently.

Stark rolled his eyes whilst every Avenger suddenly looked at me. Brilliant.

"You have the same powers as Wanda but they're formed because you can control winter, and that's practically what Loki is." Phil looked at me. He seemed to have the begging face on; he'd only used that once before when he'd asked me to join S.H.I.E.L.D. And I'd been unable to say no then.

A single snowflake fell from the roof as I pondered the pros and cons of my situation. It was about the size of a flattened tennis ball by the time it landed on Phil's nose.

"I don't do that anymore." I stood up, heading for the door. The cons most definitely outweighed the pros.

"You'd rather let people die?" Stark called after me.

I turned, glaring at him. "I killed my brother with my powers I'm not risking anyone's life again. I'm not like you, Stark, I don't want anymore blood on my hands."

Stark knocked over a glass on the table, water cascading everywhere. "Then you're a coward, putting yourself before the rest of the world."

I gritted my teeth, walking back to the table. The water sent chills up my arms as it slowly formed into ice. Icy blue spread across the table stopping in the centre of the table where it rose. Three columns of ice joined together to form a single figure who was posed in the middle of the table.

"Freya, who is that?" Maria looked at me, her eyes wide.

"That was me a month ago." The figure glowed blue, icy tendrils flowing from her open palms. Snowflakes decorated her forearms giving them a blue tinge. One lone tear was stuck on her cheek.

I twisted my wrist. Another figure rose from the ice: he lay on his back and stared up at the sky. His soft blonde curls were frozen and so was everything else about him. Mouth parted in an 'O' and his hands up in self defence.

"That wasn't your fault," Phil whispered.

"I put ice in his heart, like Elsa did to Anna." I shook my head. The ice vanished. "But sadly in real life there are no adorable little trolls to come and save siblings and so my brother froze to death."

All of the Avengers looked away from me, apart from Wanda. "Surely they understand that you have to keep your promise?" She whispered.

All eyes were back on me. Ice swirled across the table again.

I shrugged. "Before Karl died he made me promise that I would never use my powers unless I had full control of them."

Banner leant across the table, touching the ice. "But surely you have control now?"

I shivered. "No, I'll never have control. My emotions are too instinctive."

Stark glared at me. "So you're just going to conceal and not feel then?"

"Don't quote Frozen at me," I snapped.

"Okay, Ice Princess."

"Ice Queen, if you really must." I turned on my heel and walked out of the door.

"Really Stark, did you have to say that?" The voice had a heavy American accent: Captain America.

My footsteps were rapid down the stairs as I bolted for the front door. I couldn't do this.

BANG. I mustn't have been looking where I was going because all of a sudden I collided with someone. I fell to the floor. Pieces of paper whirled around the lobby. Oops...

"I'm so sorry," I mumbled, starting to pick up the many pieces of paper.

"I'm sorry, I should have been looking where I was going." The agent held out a hand. His blonde hair was an unruly mop on his head and his voice was a deep baritone. "Agent Johnson by the way."

I took his hand, giving him the papers.

Once he helped me up he instantly pulled back. "Are you okay? You're freezing."

I laughed. "I'm fine, it's normal."

"Ahh so you're Coulson's goddaughter and Wanda's bestie?" The agent laughed. "Queen Elsa herself." He bowed.

"That would be me." I nodded, my right arm squeezing my left bicep.

"Agent, back to work!" Coulson stood on the balcony, glaring down at the man in front of me.

"Until we meet again." Agent Johnson winked before scurrying off into a room.

I looked up at Coulson, raising an eyebrow. Even when my parents had been here he'd been protective. I wonder what he'd do if he found out Loki was in my living room... Or somewhere in my house.

He shook his head, mouthing "No."

The stairs were steep under my feet as I rushed up to him. "Why?"

"He's trouble," Coulson sighed.

"Why's he here then?"

Coulson ran a hand over his face. "Scholarship."

"So he's a arrogant smart arse?" I laughed. "Very dangerous."

"Loki's dangerous," Coulson whispered.

"I know." I felt bad. Just a few minutes ago I'd refused to catch Coulson's killer. "I just think he's been punished enough that's all."

"So you don't want to find him?" Coulson looked weary as he leant his back against the balcony rail.

"I do, heck I want you to punch him in the face and tell him what an asshole he is but at the same time -" I pushed my hair out of my face "- I can't help thinking that he's just a regular guy now and well... If Hulk smashes him he'll be dead."

Coulson wound an arm around my shoulders. "I don't want him dead, Freya."

I searched Coulson's eyes for the hint of a lie but they were sincere.

"I just want an apology," he laughed. "Even if that takes a hulk smashing session to get it out of him. Come on, let's go back into the meeting."

Captain America smiled at me as I sat back in my seat.

I smiled back, shoving my hands under the table.

"So how do you control your powers?" Banner asked, looking up from a file he was reading.

"Control my emotions, I guess," I answered. It was hard not to squirm as all of the Avengers sat judging me.

"Then do that," Stark snapped. "We don't have time to muck around."

I clenched my jaw. "It's not that easy."

"You've been fine for a year," Wanda smiled.

"Until today."

"You're just being ridiculous!" Stark shouted.

"That's because I haven't put myself in situations like this one." I kept my voice cool, watching the small man. "Besides you can't thaw a frozen heart."

"Agent Johnson seemed to be doing a pretty good job at it," Stark grinned, arms folded over his chest.

I rolled my eyes. "It was a friendly exchange."

"Young lady, you're my responsibility now and I say no dating or anything until you're forty." Coulson leant on a chair watching me.

"Bit late for that advice," I laughed. "Besides I'm over twenty."

"Who?!" Wanda practically jumped out of her chair.

I leant close to her ear. "You know Jack from Training?"

Wanda nodded, mouth falling open.

"Him," I whispered.

Wanda laughed. "What was he like?"

I shrugged. "This is a talk for another time."

She nodded. "Yes, yes it is."

"Are you two finished?" Stark glared at the both of us.

"For now," I grinned at him.

"Okay," Coulson sighed, hitting a switch. We were plunged into darkness. "Let's see what we're dealing with."

The clip flashed up on the screen. Loki stood like a badass in the middle of a glass container. His signature smirk plastered across his face. He took slow, deliberate steps backwards as he spoke "It's an impressive cage, but not built I think for me."

Fury stood off to the side, emotionless. "It's built for something a lot stronger than you."

Loki's smirk grew. "Oh I've heard." His piercing blue gaze met the camera. His eyes held no remorse or guilt. "A mindless beast, makes play he's still a man." He laughed. "How desperate are you? You call on such lost creatures to defend you."

Fury snorted. "How desperate am I? You threaten my world with war, you steal a force you can't hope to control, you talk about peace and you kill 'cause it's fun. You have made me very desperate."

Loki's smirk fell from his face.

"You might not be glad that you did," Fury glowered.

Loki frowned. "Oohhhh, it burns you to have come so close. To have the Tesseract, to have power - unlimited power - and for what?" Loki leant his head back, arms behind his back. His voice never changed from icy cold. The smirk flashed across his face as he looked back to the camera. "A warm light for all mankind to share. And then to be reminded what real power is."

Fury turned his back on Loki then. "Well let me know if Real Power wants a magazine or something." The sass!

Coulson flicked the switch again which caused the lights to come back on. "We need to catch him." He looked to me. "Freya, are you in or not?"

This was most definitely peer pressure. Everyone was looking at me, waiting for the answer I really didn't want to give.

I smirked. "Where's the sign up sheet?" I could protect Loki better if I knew what S.H.I.E.L.D was doing. And if he annoyed me I could just as easily bring him straight in.


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

"Where would Loki go?" Hawkeye sighed.

"He'd be somewhere inconspicuous, somewhere we wouldn't think he was." My handbag vibrated on my foot after the words had left my mouth. I pulled out my phone, recognising the number on the screen immediately: my house number. Not good. What the hell had Loki done?!

"Excuse me," I mumbled, heading out of the door and answering it before anyone could object.

"Midgardian, a strange creature is hissing at me and has scratched me several times."

I held back a laugh at Loki's disapproved voice.

"Well, what should I do?" He snapped.

"It's my cat, he's harmless."

The Avengers watched me through the glass wall, most of them just looked bored.

I turned away from their gazes. "Look, all you need to do is give him some food. The bottom cupboard on the right in the kitchen has some cat food tins, okay?"

Loki sighed. "Why must mankind keep such strange oddities as pets?"

"Hey, leave Zeus alone," I warned.

"Midgardian?" Loki's voice echoed in my ear.

"What?"

"I am currently standing on the sofa and he is blocking the door to the kitchen, how do I get past him?"

I laughed. "Pick him up, he's only little." I couldn't believe my munchkin kitten was terrorising the God of Mischief. What can I say? He was a little monster when he was hungry.

"I have the creature in my hand, now what do I do with him?"

"Keep ahold of him and then get his food out, alright?"

Coulson tapped his watch from inside the meeting room.

I nodded at him. "I've got to go, just be careful with the tin opener, which is in the top draw."

"Goodbye, Midgardian."

I pushed open the glass door, settling back in my seat. "Sorry, the next door neighbour was having problems with my cat." I put my phone back in my handbag.

"How is Zeus?" Wanda asked.

"He's good," I smiled, trying not to laugh at the image of a terrorised Loki.

"Freya?" Natasha's green eyes watched me from her seat. "What's happening to your arms?"

Tiny snowflakes were forming on my skin, slowly spreading from my fingertips. I was happy and this is what happened when I got happy. I shook my head, banishing the happy feeling. One by one the snowflakes disappeared.

"Well, here are all of your files," Coulson handed out brown folders to everyone. "And you kiddo, you're coming with me."

I looked at him. "What have I done now?"

"Nothing," he smiled. "We just need to talk."

I grabbed my handbag, exciting the room. "Bye guys."

"Call me later," Wanda called after me.

"Will do," I answered.

"Goodbye," chorused from the Avengers as Coulson lead me across the balcony into his office. I was in trouble. But what for?

"Please, sit down." Coulson motioned to the sofa.

The leather squeaked slightly under my jumpsuit. "What's wrong, Phil?"

"I just want you to be careful if Loki approaches you." Coulson took my hand. "I can't lose you as well as your parents."

"I'll be extra careful, don't worry."

Coulson pulled me into a hug; his smell of coffee and biscuits welcoming. "I know you will kiddo, but that's something-"

"-my parents said, I know." I gave Phil a squeeze. He'd saved me from a dark place when he came back to life. I'd gone crazy, breaking the law and stealing, but then he offered me the chance to redeem myself and I took it with two hands. I hadn't looked back since, until now. Until Loki showed up. I'd been so focused on work I hadn't realised that I hadn't really confronted my main problem: emotions. I blocked out all but one, and that was hate. Hatred for myself. It spurred me on. Ever since I was little people treated me differently because of what I was. I'd always been the outcast and in a weird, little way it what had spurred me on all of these years.

"What are you thinking?" Phil unwrapped his arms from around me, the comfort disappearing.

"The cold never bothered me anyway," I laughed.

"This isn't funny," Phil frowned.

"So what do you want me to do in all this mess?" I pushed my hair back out of my face.

"I've assigned you to be on the field searching with another agent." Please say that the other agent was Wanda. "Agent Johnson." Hell no! He was an innocent guy and I did not want to get attached to him.

I stood up from the sofa. "What happened to he's dangerous?"

"He's the best at his job," Coulson stood up. I wasn't calling him Phil anymore, he'd annoyed me. "I know you'll be safe."

"I don't need supervision, besides what happens if I hurt him?"

"What happens if Loki hurts you, Freya?" Phil grimaced, rummaging in a drawer.

"How many times do I have to say it - he won't," I snapped. "I'm far too powerful for him to even touch."

Coulson produced a pair of car keys. "Let's get you home."

"Loki won't hurt me." My mind flickered back to Loki pinning me to the sofa. He hadn't hurt me then, he'd just snapped at me. Loki had lost control and I couldn't judge him. I'd lost control many times before. In a way me and him were practically the same: shattered beyond repair and unwilling to let anyone in. Except I'd been given a second chance and he wasn't even going to see a glimpse of one. That's where I was going to change things. I wasn't going to let S.H.I.E.L.D find him - I was going to give him the second chance he needed, no matter how much the former fallen God of Mischief annoyed me.

"Just safety precautions." Coulson nodded. "All agents have to go in pairs."

I followed him out of the office lost in my thoughts. They'd never find Loki because he was in the least obvious place in the world: my house.

"If you see anything out of hours, let me know," Coulson said over the top of his car. "Or if you want to talk, just call me."

"I'm not at work this weekend?" I frowned, chucking my handbag into the car. I didn't want to talk, that wasn't something I did with anyone, even Wanda. I never expressed my emotions, it left me too vulnerable and it almost always got cold. Unless I was with Loki, which I still didn't understand...

"I'm giving you the weekend off, you need a rest," Coulson answered, getting into the car.

The metal door handle underneath my hand was cool as I swung into the car. "What happened to the urgent 'we need to find Loki'?" I shut the door as Coulson put on a pair of Aviators.

"Freya, please don't hold a grudge against me but I was hoping we'd find him before you came back on Monday."

I rummaged in my handbag for my sunglasses. Lots of useless junk surfaced but no sunglasses, looks like I'd have to be blinded by the sun. "I'm not holding a grudge against you, Coulson."

"You are." Coulson started Lola as I put on my seatbelt. "You're calling me Coulson."

"That's your name though."

"My name's Phil," he sighed, reversing out of the car parking space.

"I'm glad you know your name." I couldn't help but smirk.

"Did Loki possess you?" Coulson hit his indicator.

"No, Midgardian." I tried to keep my voice sincere. "Now if you'd be so kind as to kneel as I've lost my powers and can't scare you with my terrifying reindeer antlers. I would not be grateful but it would spare me killing you." I ended up giggling after I finished. "Looking at the way Loki tried to become ruler of earth it was pretty funny. I mean firstly why would you yell at German people in English?"

Coulson started laughing as he accelerated. "You're right and that imitation was perfect. You'd give that a guy a run for his money if you ever met him."

He was right, I did. I couldn't believe I was lying to Coulson and the Avengers. Was the reindeer horned crazy dude really worth all this trouble? Imagine if they found out... I would die. I would be Hulk smashed. Oh dear...

The afternoon sun beat down on me as I opened my front door. We'd spent the rest of the ride in silence, which left me time to think. Operation Second Chance, was that too cheesy? Anyways my operation was in motion and I certainly wasn't going back now. Okay, so what to do now? I had to transform the God of Mischief into someone else... But how?

I set down my handbag and keys, smiling. A mass of long limbs stuck up at odd angles from the sofa; a fluffy black ball curled on the God's chest. Loki lay fast asleep on my sofa with Zeus sprawled across his chest. Yes, the God of Mischief was worth the trouble. For now. Soft snores drifted around the room from both beings as I quietly padded to my room, grabbing some clothes before entering the bathroom. Today had been far too long. I put the plug in the bath, pouring in some mango scented wash stuff - I'd gotten the label wet once and it'd fallen off - before stripping down. Steam drifted around the room, the mango smell reminding me of my mum. She'd always wore mango perfume...

I swallowed the lump in my throat as I pushed away the thoughts of my parents. The tap turned easily as I shut off the water and climbed into the bath.

"Stay there creature, I will be back in a minute." So he could treat someone with respect... It's a shame it was kitten but still, it was a start.

The God strode into the bathroom.

I sank into the bubbles. "Oh my god, you can't just walk in!"

Loki shrugged. "You did, I do not see the difference between the situations."

"This isn't communal!"

Loki chuckled. "Why are you yelling at me, Midgardian?"

I put my arms over my chest, worried the bubbles weren't covering what they should have been. "I'm angry with you."

Loki raised an eyebrow. "Why?"

"Because you're ogling my naked body! Now get out!"

Loki stepped closer to me, eyeing me. "Your anatomy is exactly the same as Asgardians..."

"Get. Out. Now!" I yelled.

Loki smirked at me, turning around. "You have admired my naked body surely it is only fair if I-"

"No!" I leapt out of the bath, pushing him in the back and shoving him towards the door.

He didn't put up much of a fight as I chucked him out and rapidly slammed the door.

"You should have locked the door, Midgardian," he laughed, voice drifting away from the bathroom.

I got back in the bath, shaking my head before submerging myself in bubbles.

I resurfaced a few minutes later, climbing out of the water and grabbing a towel. It didn't take long to dry myself and put on some jeans.

"Your Midgardian owner is very temperamental, creature." Loki's voice had changed to the tone that adults reserved for little kids. Wow. "Perhaps you should come back to Asgard with me and I will not forget to feed you. I shall put a throne for you beside mine." Wow.

I pulled on a worn out band logo shirt: ACDC highway hell... The irony, I certainly was on my way.

I walked out of the bathroom, tying my hair back up.

Zeus leapt from Loki's lap, running with his little stubby legs towards me. "Hey baby," I crooned, picking him up and cuddling him close.

He licked my nose, purring.

"The Midgardian has a heart after all," Loki laughed from the sofa. His blue gaze seemed to be analysing me.

I walked over to the sofa, sitting down next to him. "And so do you," I laughed. "And no, you can't take my baby to Asgard." I hugged Zeus closer.

"You heard that?" Crimson spread across the God's cheeks. Aha, the God of Mischief was embarrassed.

"I will never forget it," I grinned.

Zeus squirmed in my arms. I set him down on the floor.

"Okay Mischief, the Avengers are officially looking for you." I poked Loki's arm.

Loki's smirk disappeared.

I rearranged my fringe. "Don't worry, I won't let them find you."

"Why?" Loki's eyes creased at the sides.

"Because." I shrugged.

"That is not a informative answer, Midgardian."

"I'm an adrenaline junkie?" It was true, I loved roller coasters and doing things to get kicks. And this latest task would definitely deliver a few of those.

Loki shook his head, resting his elbows on his knees. "So what are we going to do?"

I pulled a knee to my chest, hugging it. "Well, firstly you need a different name."

Blue eyes met mine. "Go on."

"Damon."

"It could be worse," he sighed.

I stood up. "And now I'll go and buy you some clothes."

"You're going to leave me alone again, Midgardian?" Loki stood up, blocking my path. "There is only so much these four walls hold and I have explored all of them."

I looked up at him. "You're old enough and ugly enough to look after yourself, besides I won't be gone long."

Loki frowned. "Take me with you, Midgardian."

"No." I tried to walk past him, only to have him step to the side with me. "I need to be seen looking for you. There would be no point in looking for you if you were standing right by my side, would there?"

"Let me go with you, Midgardian." Loki stood in front of me.

"No." I put my hands on his chest, trying to push him out of the way. Aha, was it working? No. His chest was so muscly... Whoa, hold your horses there girl!

"I am being nice to you because you are all I have, you are my only friend right now." Loki's blue gaze wasn't so cold as he gazed down at me. "However I can find a new friend and treat you like all the other Midgardians. The rest of you are nothing but ants under my-"

"Friend?" I laughed. "We're not friends. Friends trust each other and I don't trust you. And if you even think about leaving I'll arrest you and hand you over to the Hulk myself."

"Then do not leave me alone in your house, Midgardian." Loki crossed his arms over his chest, grimacing slightly.

I removed my hands from his chest. "Fine... But you need to put a hat on. And sunglasses." My socks were slippery on the floorboards as I went over to the table by the front door. I tossed him a baseball hat along with a pair of shades. "And tie your hair up." I pulled a hair band off of my wrist.

Loki wrinkled his nose in disgust. "I do not know how."

I rolled my eyes. "Sit down."

His raven black locks were soft in my hands as I brushed through them with my fingers. I tied his hair up in a ponytail. "Okay, put the sunglasses and hat on."

Loki did as I said whilst I reached for my rather large leather jacket. "Put this on."

He slid on the jacket. Wow. Leather really suited the God of Mischief. I grabbed the keys to my truck from the table. "Well, we better get going."

"Midgardian, what about Zeus?" Loki pointed to the little black fluff ball on the carpet. Of course he'd call my kitten by his name but not me. Brilliant.

"We won't be gone long," I smiled, opening the front door. "And don't say anything to anyone, and definitely don't call me a Midgardian."

"If you insist..." Loki groaned, thrusting his hands into the leather jacket and walking out of the door.

I shut the door behind me, sighing. In all my life I never expected to have to go shopping with the God of Mischief and Lies.

 **I hope you've enjoyed the chapters so far, please review if you have time xx**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

We both got inside my tin bucket which of course was boiling at five in the evening. I turned on the truck, leaving the windows up as I turned to look at Loki. The air con smelled of old leather and lemons. "What you said about honesty yesterday. I haven't been completely truthful with you."

Loki's eyebrows flew up above his sunglasses. "Midgardian, you have been lying to me?" He seemed somewhat shocked at my statement.

I put my handbag on the middle seat. "Well, not exactly lying, just not telling you certain details of my life..."

"I'm impressed, Midgardian," Loki chuckled.

I took a deep breath. It was now or never. "I have powers."

"Ahhh magic." Loki seemed so at ease with the word like it was something normal. I guess that's what made me close my fist. When I opened it again, an icy rose bud lay in the palm of my hand, perfectly smooth and delicate.

"I suppose." I waited for his reaction to the unknown, most people ran or called me a freak. I'd kind of built up a wall to it now, it didn't really bother me anymore.

Instead of doing what I thought he would do Loki took the rosebud from my hand, holding it in his. "You control winter, Midgardian." His blue eyes seemed to be transfixed on the ice in his hand.

I shivered. He hadn't acted the way he should have. He wasn't scared. He wasn't repelled. The snowflakes reappeared on my arms. I pulled down my sleeves, trying to hide it before he saw.

"Do not cover them, it is who you are." Loki was still watching the rosebud as it slowly melted in his palm. "You should not hide who you truly are, Midgardian. It is like extinguishing your soul, a denial of yourself is to deny life itself." Rich coming from him. Wasn't he hiding behind a crazy, antlered man who was hellbent on destruction?

"Yes, but most people don't like who I am." I hit the accelerator, leaving my drive behind.

Loki clicked his seatbelt into place. "Is that why Coulson asked you to go in today? Your power."

I gripped the steering wheel tighter. "How did you know about Coulson?"

"I read your files whilst you were getting ready." Loki answered, but on seeing my frown he smirked. "You left them on the table as if to entice me, it was completely your own fault, Midgardian. Your idiocy allowed me to gain an advantage."

"Hmmm," I mumbled. "So you read that the Avengers are allowed to use any means necessary to get your scrawny arse back in a cage."

"I do believe I read something along those lines, yes, perhaps more eloquently put though." Loki turned to look out of the window, his hands clenching and unclenching in his lap.

I hit my indicator, turning left onto the main road. "They're not going to stop until they find you."

"Midgardian, you are endangering yourself."

I rolled my eyes, the arrow on the speedometer turning further right. "Since when did you care?

"I do not, I just think you should reevaluate how much you have to lose. You act as if what you're doing is valiant but it is quite the contrary, you are putting your life on the line by just talking to me. Perhaps you do not understand the risks of being associated with an agent of chaos." Loki sounded far too serious, his words making the air heavy.

"I don't have anything-"

"You have your friends, your job, the creature." I glanced over at Loki. He had one hand under his chin, he was thinking - that was dangerous. "You have far more to lose than I do; my pride is nonexistent, my reputation is... Interesting and somewhat tainted. You will never be trusted again if you continue on this poisonous mission. No one will want to associate with you after this ends. Are you really willing to risk it all for me - the man who got your parents killed?"

"Do you enjoy making people hate you?" I ignored his question. "Besides this isn't a mission, it's an adventure, it's unofficial."

Loki snorted. "It is idiocy."

"What's the worst that could happen?"

Loki scoffed. "You will become a threat and the cage they reserved for me will become your home."

I slowed down. "And where will you be?"

"I will be in the cage with you, Midgardian."

"Then at least I'll have someone to talk to." I pulled into the supermarket, parking near the store. I wasn't lazy, I just didn't want Loki in the open for too long. "And if you're lucky I'll play rock, paper, scissors with you so we don't get bored."

"You are pushing me away again, Earthling."

"That's also breathtakingly obvious you're not from here," I sighed, picking up my handbag. "You need to stop saying that."

Loki gripped my arm. There was no smirk plastered across his face as he spoke "Midgardian if we get caught you must feign ignorance. Tell them I took control of your mind. Do not sacrifice all that you have, it was a mistake I made too long ago and now I can never undo my decision."

I looked down at his pale fingers which were lightly gripping my bicep. "You have no powers, so how would you take control of my mind?"

Loki's face lit up with a smirk. "I have many ways to control people, I do not need magic to help me conquer the human mind."

"Let me guess, your silver tongue?" I shook my head. "I'm worse than you for having a silver tongue so that master plan won't work either. Now come on before the shop shuts."

I could have sworn I heard Loki sigh as we excited the vehicle. Why was he making such a fuss over it? It was my choice not his, my life.

"You are quite possibly the most stubborn human I have ever met," Loki grumbled, walking by my side into the shop.

The shop wasn't busy, thank goodness.

I held Loki's wrist, dragging him to the men's clothing section. "Okay, so take your pick of clothes."

Loki crossed his arms over his chest. "What would you recommend?"

The fabric was soft under my hands as I picked up a black t-shirt in XL for his height. "Something like this?"

He nodded, picking up a red, blue and green top.

"Now some trousers." I picked up four pairs of jeans. "Is four enough?"

Loki nodded. "Your clothing is much like As- I mean my old clothing, it's washable."

I laughed. "Bit close buddy."

"I corrected myself." Loki looked down at me, taking the clothes out of my arms. "Do not exert yourself."

"Because I'm the weaker species?" I whispered.

"Precisely," Loki grinned.

"Right okay." I walked on ahead as Loki sauntered down the aisles. With the hat and sunglasses he was still sticking out like a sore thumb - he seemed to tower out of the ground with a beacon above his head saying "I'm here!" I stopped at a nearby display containing feather boas, a mischievous smile on my face. Halloween was close by and they'd put out the costumes. I'm not sure how feather boas tied into monsters, but oh well. Rocky Horror maybe?

I wrapped one of the pink boas around my neck, posing. "Kneel before me!" I tilted my head back and laughed, pointing the toe of my right foot to the floor and bending my knee.

Loki stopped in front of me. He pulled the sunglasses down his nose, raising his eyebrows. "You are doing it wrong, horrifically wrong. You should be ashamed of yourself, honestly. Your stature is all wrong and never in my life have I posed like that."

"What do you mean?" I asked, playing with the end of the feathery contraption around my neck.

The God pushed the sunglasses back up his nose. "You need to have more authority and stand taller, like this." Loki held the hangers of the clothes in each of his hands as he stood taller, extending his arms as he wound a black boa around his neck. "KNEEL!" Echoed around the shop. Shit.

"Keep it down," I hissed, taking his hand and running towards the changing rooms.

A blond mop of hair ran in front of us. He hadn't noticed us. Yet. He'd most definitely heard Loki though. Shit. He was going to call in the Avengers. Not good.

"Johnson," I mumbled, grabbing Loki's hand and dragging him into one of the changing rooms to our left.

It turns out the changing rooms were extremely small in supermarkets. I suppose they're only meant for one regular sized person - not a six foot something or other God and five foot eleven me. My nose was in his chest and his chin in my hair. Our limbs awkwardly positioned to fit us in the cubicle, one of my legs trapped between his. Worst of all Loki's hands were positioned by either side of my head. I reached into my handbag pulling out a revolver. I slipped it into my side pocket.

"What are-"

I put a hand over his mouth. "Put the clothes on the hanger."

Loki did as I said.

"This is your fault," I hissed.

Loki tore his mouth away from my hand, breathing into my hair. "If I can remember correctly - actually I clearly remember that you started it."

"This is not a blame game time." I glared up at him.

"Is it not? I thought this was an opportune time," Loki hissed.

"Do not get sassy with me," I snapped.

"May I point out one small issue in our whereabouts?" Loki moved slightly, leaning on me more.

"Why ask permission you're going to tell me anyway." I pressed myself closer to the wall.

Loki smirked. "There is no escape route in this cell."

"Cubicle," I corrected.

"Now is not the time for corrections," Loki looked down at me, his smirk wider. Idiot. "If only I could read your thoughts right now..." Loki sighed. "I wonder what foul expletives would be floating around in that head of-"

I kneed him in the crotch, covering his mouth to muffle his yell. His eyes wateredefore his sharp blue gaze focused on me.

"Would you look at that God's do have a weakness," I smiled up at him.

Loki's hands grasped my shoulders and his body pressed against mine.

I kept my hand on his mouth.

He raised an eyebrow.

I let my hand slip from his mouth.

Sirens sounded outside. Dammit.

"Do not do that again," he hissed. "Or I will-"

I put my hand over his mouth, again, motioning for him to shut up.

He wrestled his mouth free of my grip. "What is wrong, Midgardian?"

Almost in answer to his question, quick footsteps sounded outside.

"Are you sure he was here agent?" Captain America.

"What the hell would reindeer games be doing in a supermarket?" Stark.

I glanced up at Loki. His eyes had widened slightly.

"You're boas' tickling my nose," I hissed. I could already feel my nose muscles tensing. I was going to sneeze.

"Check the changing rooms." No!

I leant up to Loki 's ear. "Stay in here and stand on the bench, I'll come and get you in a bit."

He turned to look at me, nose centimetres from mine. "You're going out there alone."

"I'm not the one they want," I whispered. "Now move it."

Loki crouched on the bench. "And if you do not comeback?"

"Find my truck-" I pulled my keys out of my pocket, handing them to him "- and sit in it."

"As you wish, Midgardian," he sighed.

I excited the cubicle quickly, making sure the door was shut half way.

"Freya what are you doing here?" Captain America gripped his shield, watching me.

"Shopping of course," I smiled before sneezing. "What else would I be doing?"

"You just came out of the male changing rooms." Stark eyed me. And my pink feather boa, oops... His suit was bright red and shiny underneath the lights.

"The ladies were all taken." I shrugged, placing a lock of hair behind my ear.

Stark glanced towards the changing rooms.

I looked too. The changing room was empty. Where the hell was Loki?!

"I am Loki and I am burdened with glorious purpose!" A hand wound its way around my throat. A cool breath blew against my neck. What the hell was he doing?

Stark stepped forward, raising his hand. His palm glowed.

"Don't shoot you idiot!" I yelled. "You'll hit me!"

Loki's chuckle sent shivers down my spine as he wrapped a hand around my waist. "At least this earthling knows of your idiocy, Stark, perhaps I shall keep her as a pet when I take over the world."

"Oh shut the fu-"

Loki's hand moved up my throat before resting over mouth, lips brushing my ear. The movement made me stop speaking, goosebumps now spreading across my arms. "My turn, Midgardian."

"Loki, please let Freya go." Captain America set down his shield.

"Freya..." He drew out my name, I could practically feel the radiation of his smirk. "And give away my only chance of escaping, I think not."

A cold sensation ran across my hip. My gun.

"Do not struggle," Loki whispered, making me walk backwards with him. Towards the door.

"Let her go Laufeyson!" Phil stood to our right. He held his gun perfectly still as he paced forward. His suit was a mess and his eyes were hard. He meant business.

Loki placed the gun to my temple, his hand falling back to grip my throat. I shivered against the cool of the metal. "I will kill her. I do not care for an insignificant human life."

My heartbeat started to race. I suppose it would be my own fault if he killed me...

"Loki..." I slowly reached up and held the gun. "Don't do it."

His grip on my throat only tightened as his lips brushed my ear again. "I will not hurt you, Midgardian," he whispered. "Trust, remember?"

I dropped my hand back to my side.

"Stop trying to poison her mind," Phil snapped.

Loki hovered in the door of the shop. "Poison her mind? Why would I poison her mind when it is already stained enough? She has a power that should be cherished, that people should quake with fear upon seeing but because of S.H.I.E.L.D and the rest of the world she has kept it locked away. I feel this Midgardian has better things to do with her life than serve you. She could rule the world with but a flick of her wrist."

"Really?" I snapped. "Who makes speeches like that?"

Loki pulled me against him. "Did I say you could speak, mortal?"

I let the cold raise against my throat. The ice spread like a second skin across my skin, running like icy water through my veins. "I do what I want."

I heard Loki gasp but he didn't let go of me. Instead he pulled me outside where at least ten black SUV jeeps blocked our exit. We were screwed.

"Fight with me," Loki whispered.

"I could kill you," I hissed, turning my head in his grasp and glaring up at him.

Loki's chin brushed my shoulder. "I know the risk, Midgardian."

The wind picked up as snowflakes fell in a large flurry from the sky. They surrounded us. The black SUV's disappeared behind a white wall. I'd created a hollow tube which concealed us from the rest of the world.

I pulled away from him.

Loki sounded a shot into the sky.

"Freya!" Coulson shouted from outside the blizzard.

I ran at Loki, pinning him to the floor. "What the hell is wrong with you?" I gripped his shirt.

The God stared up at me. "They would have captured me. What else would you have had me done?"

I bashed Loki against the ground, ice covering his shirt. "You could have killed me!" The wind was even stronger, the blizzard thicker.

"I would never harm you, Midgardian," Loki snapped. "I am trying to get you to trust me. I am 'trying', is that not enough?"

I stood up. "I can't believe I'm doing this..." I mumbled.

Loki began to get up.

I clicked my fingers. The blizzard disappeared. And so did Loki. Hopefully he landed with a thump in my living room.

Someone ran at me, pulling me close. Coffee. It was Phil. "Did he hurt you?"

"I'm fine," I whispered, wrapping my arms around his waist.

Captain America walked out of the shop. "I'm sorry we couldn't do more to help you, Freya."

"Don't worry, Cap, I'm still here." I nodded.

"Quite a display you put on there, Ice Princess," Stark laughed, walking out of the shop with an ice lolly in his hand.

I gritted my teeth, untangling myself from Phil.

"We should get you to a hospital," Phil sighed.

"Look, I'm fine, okay." I picked up my gun and car keys. Loki wasn't that stupid, he'd left them for me. "I just want to go home." And kick Loki in the nuts for his dick move.

"Okay, call me when you get home then," Phil said, taking his phone out of his pocket and dialling a number.

Captain America handed me my handbag. "I can drive you home if you want."

"I'm good," I smiled, taking the bag.

I walked away from the scene, pushing my hair out of my face. My skin was back to normal as I climbed into the car. Wow, that had escalated far too quickly. I accelerated down the street. I was definitely doing internet shopping from now on. I changed gears, weaving my way around the traffic. What did Loki mean by 'I am trying to get you to trust me.' Bullshit. He was going to end up using me and in the end I'd be the broken idiot regretting what I'd done. Ugh, why couldn't he do as he was told for once in his god damned life?!

I was too angry to go home yet so I pulled into the Indian Takeaway. If I went home now I'd end up killing Loki myself. Maybe I would do the world a favour.


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter 7**

I placed the takeaway bag onto the floor of the passenger side and put my head on the steering wheel. What was I doing? The windows instantly fogged up around me as the temperature in the car dropped. Ugh, this was madness at its best right now. The only logical answer to my idiocy was that I was crazy. Completely and utterly out of my goddamn mind.

I picked up my phone and dialled my brother's wife's number: Emily.

"Hey Frey, are you okay?" She sounded tired but not angry. We always talked every week, but never about Karl. Emily understood me. She'd suggested Karl come and find me that day he-

I shook my head, swallowing the lump in my throat. "I'm fine, I just need some advice," I croaked. I couldn't state exactly what I was doing because my phone calls would be recorded, but I could be vague.

"What's up?" Emily was instantly awake.

"I, well if you met someone like me would you give them a second chance?" I asked.

"Everyone deserves a second chance, you know that," Emily whispered.

"Okay," I answered, running a hand through my hair. "But what if everyone else thought they didn't deserve one?"

"Give the raven haired bastard a second chance just to prove a point, Frey. If anyone can change someone you can." Emily stated before she hung up. She worked at S.H.I.E.L.D as well in the tech department, where she'd met Karl. She knew the situation. Her words were all that I needed. I looked at the keys Loki had left for me to get home. He'd promised he wouldn't hurt me. "Trust, remember?" and then he'd gone on to say "I would never harm you, Midgardian." I was confused to say the least. He hated me so why hadn't he just pulled the trigger?

The engine grumbled to life before I sped off back home. Well, as fast as my tin bucket would go... It's a good job I liked the number 40 because that's as fast as I was going.

I flicked the living room light on to see the God sat on the sofa stroking Zeus like some sort of Bond villain. He was a villain. And he could have killed me. He'd reminded me of the thin line between him and me, making us different: he was willing to do things that no one else would do to benefit those he cared about and I, well I would never kill someone unless I really had to.

I marched straight past him into the kitchen, where I got two plates and set them on the side. Silent treatment was going to be my plan of action right now; otherwise I'd just end up screaming at him.

"You have been gone a long time, Midgardian."

I stayed silent.

"I did not think you were coming back at one point."

I scoffed, unpacking the food bag.

"Freya, I can understand if you're ang-"

"Angry?" I snapped, spinning on him. "You nearly blew our entire operation and then you were so bold as to mimic killing me! Angry does not even describe what I'm feeling right now." A small blizzard had started in the kitchen now, a small sheet of snow now covering the floor. So much for the silent treatment...

Loki caught a snowflake on his hand and then nodded, walking past me and getting out some cutlery. "Perhaps it would be best we talk about this later, when you are less angry. Your emotions influence your actions too much."

Ice rose from the floor and locked Loki's feet in place. It traveled up his legs and around his hips, holding him there.

I stood next to him, arms crossed. "Do you even know why I'm angry?"

Loki shook his head, a single strand of raven hair falling into his eyes.

"I'm angry because I keep making excuses for you when I should have kicked your sorry arse in jail the moment I saw you, but no, I was there saving you!" My fists shook by my sides, snowflake patterns across my arms and pretty much on all of my skin now. "Stop taking advantage of me. Stop acting like what I'm doing for you isn't going against everything I've been taught in life. And most definitely stop with the false display of craziness, I'm not the avengers and I'm not from Asgard, I don't care who you are underneath it all but you need to find him again. And definitively stop acting like you care. I know you don't and I don't care that you don't care. What annoys me is that you keep going on with a display that means nothing to you. I mean nothing to you and I understand that, so stop with the facade."

Loki's hand shook ever so slightly as he reached out and touched my cheek. His skin began to turn a pale blue, rapidly chasing up his arm and up his neck: his Jotun form. "I am sorry, Freya."

I moved away from his hand. "Fine," I snapped, waving my hand. The ice and snow disappeared. I got opened the tubs, the rich smell of food filling the kitchen, and put it on the plates.

"What is it?" Loki asked, disgust in his voice. I guess the attitude was here to stay.

"Indian food," I answered, grabbing a fork and the plate and walking over to the dining table.

Loki peered down at the food before he walked over and sat across from me eyeing the food suspiciously. His skin had returned back to normal and so had mine. His hand gripped the fork as he picked up a piece of chicken korma. He placed the meat in his mouth before chewing slowly. His frown disappeared and was instantly replaced with surprise.

I ate a little too quickly, most of my plate nearly gone whilst Loki savoured the food in front of him. His jaw muscles were even graceful as he ate. How could someone so elegant be so destructive?

"This food, Midgardian." Loki tilted his head to the side. "Is exquisite, like that of Asgard banqueting halls, it almost makes me homesick."

I smiled. "I'm glad you like it-" I stood up "- don't choke on it." I put my plate in the sink. There's no harm in passive aggressive, unless of course it get's aggressive.

Loki chuckled, eyes following me across the kitchen. "Where are you going, Midgardian?" The God asked as I picked up the house phone.

"I'm ringing Wanda," I answered, hitting her caller ID as I sat back at the table.

Loki's blue eyes watched me for a few seconds before he resumed eating his meal.

"Hey Freya, I wondered when you'd call," Wanda answered with a yawn.

"I had to get food," I replied, watching as Loki's eyes watered when he tried a different dish. Aha. I bit back a laugh. Wanda knew I lived alone and she certainly wouldn't approve of my Save Loki scheme.

"I heard what happened at the supermarket..." Wanda trailed off waiting for me to fill in.

"Yeah, Loki showed up and then disappeared." I picked up my iPhone, logging onto my Amazon account to order the pesky God some clothes.

"Did he hurt you?" Wanda asked.

"Nope, I'm pretty sure I hurt him though," I smirked.

Loki looked up from his food and rolled his eyes. He held up his knife and waved it.

I shook my head. "In fact, I think I dented his pride," I laughed.

Wanda laughed too before her tone turned serious. "He could have killed you, Freya."

"Ahh but he didn't," I whispered. "He's just a puny mortal now."

Wanda sighed. "Phil came in after it all and looked terrible, he was so pale. He told all of the Avengers what had happened. Freya, I think he thought he lost you for a brief moment."

I looked away from Loki. "But he didn't lose me, Loki didn't kill me."

"Freya..." Wanda warned before signing. "I do not see the use in telling you to be careful you'll only go and do something ridiculous. Anyway, Thor says it's difficult to find Loki now because he's no longer Asgardian so Heimdall can't sense him anymore."

"We'll find him, I promise." An uneasy feeling settled in my stomach at my words. I was lying to my best friend. To the frickin' Avengers. To S.H.I.E.L.D.

"Anyways what about Johnson, he's hot." Wanda had taken the tone of a school girl now. Honestly getting excited about boys...

It was my turn to role my eyes. "I wouldn't exactly call Johnson hot."

Loki raised an eyebrow at me.

"He is cute though!" Wanda argued.

"No, he's not." I picked up some naan bread, nibbling on it as Loki set down his fork on an empty plate. He now perched his chin on his hands and watched me. His blue eyes held hints of green in small flickers around the iris, his pale skin flawless.

"Is too."

"Johnson holds no attraction whatsoever, he's arrogant and a smart arse-"

"And have you met him?" Wanda asked.

"No."

"Then you don't know that," Wanda yawned. "Which reminds me, Johnson's picking you up tomorrow morning for you both to do a stakeout. Have fun!"

"Wow," I sighed.

"Come on if he's not your type I don't know who is."

"I don't have a type for men," I answered.

Loki smirked, leaning forward instantly intrigued.

"You do too."

"Fine, I like men who aren't afraid to stand up for what they believe in and someone who won't treat me like I'm a time bomb ready to explode."

Wanda sighed before answering "I understand, anyway I must go, have fun tomorrow!" She hung up.

"Shit," I hissed, putting the phone on the table.

"What is wrong, Midgardian?" Loki asked.

"Nothing," I shook my head.

"Why did you describe this Johnson as hot, does he have a fever?" Loki asked.

I laughed. "No, calling someone hot means they're really attractive."

"Ahhh, like myself then," Loki grinned. "I, Loki God of Mischief and Lies, am hot."

"Aha no."

"Why ever not?" Loki frowned.

"You're too vain and arrogant," I sighed, heading for the living room. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," Loki called after me.

I stopped in the doorway, turning around. "If you ever pull a stunt like that again I will turn you into a Popsicle and put you in my garden as a statue, do you understand?"

Loki nodded.

"Good," I said, walking off to my bedroom.

"I am hot," Loki mumbled from the kitchen. "Do you not agree creature?" Oh dear...

The knock on the door sounded just as I excited my room in my work uniform.

Loki was still asleep on the sofa, curled up with Zeus.

I walked over to him, and poked his arm. "Wakey, Wakey sleepyhead."

Loki's eyes slowly opened as his mouth formed an 'O'.

"I'm going to work, be good." I patted him on the head before grabbing my stuff and heading for the front door. I could have sworn I heard a "be careful" being mumbled but that was probably just me hoping. Who was I kidding? Loki didn't care about anyone but himself.

Tap. Tap. Tap. Tap. Johnson sat tapping the wheel as I watched for any sign of mischief. Of course there was nothing. Loki was currently at my house, just waking up the last time I saw him.

"You gonna say anything?" Johnson asked, stretching before resuming the torturous tapping. His suit was immaculate and his hair still an unruly nest on his head. He was slightly attractive but definitely not my type.

"Stop tapping," I hissed.

"Feisty," Johnson laughed.

I rolled my eyes.

"We should go on a date, if you want to?"

I rolled my eyes again. Wanda would kill me if I said no... "Fine, as long as you're paying."

"Good enough for me," Johnson laughed. "Tomorrow, I'll pick you up at 7."

"Good enough for me," I mimicked back.

Johnson clicked his knuckles. "I hope we find that freak soon."

I turned to face him. "Don't call him that."

"Why, he's a freak, he's not natural." Johnson raised an eyebrow. His perfect blonde hair falling in his eyes. Wow.

I let ice spread across the windows, frost on the steering wheel. "Just don't, okay?"

"Why? Do you have a soft spot for him?" Johnson asked, eyeing me.

"No I'm just sick of everyone saying freak," I practically growled. "If you haven't noticed I'm one too." I opened the door and slammed it shut as I stormed off down the street, to go back home.

His door opened too. "I didn't mean it like that! Freya please come back, I'm sorry."

The clouds above us darkened, a blizzard setting in. Karl had said those exact words before I'd killed him... But my parents, they'd called me the freak after Karl died.

I'd stood in the corner of the hospital room, watching the doctors try to revive Karl. It wouldn't work. He was dead. And it was my fault.

The third time the defibrillators went off my parents had burst into the room, still in uniform. They hadn't seen me crying in the corner. They'd only seen their frozen son, lifeless in a bleak hospital room.

"I knew she was dangerous Mark, we should have taken her to S.H.I.E.L.D so they could have controlled her," my mum snapped. "We should have given her in sooner."

"And take away our daughter's freedom?" My dad had looked at my mum incredulously. "Freya doesn't deserve that and anyway Karl's death-"

"Is her fault, she's a freak," my mum had finished.

My dad had shook his head then. "No, she's just different and needs help, she's scared."

My mum had cast her eyes from my dad to Karl. "No, she needs to not feel emotions and she definitely needs to stop using her powers."

"I agree with you on that." My dad had looked around the room then, but I'd already slipped out of the door into the corridor.

I'd waited to hear them to ask where I was. They never did.

"She's gone," my dad had announced.

"Wherever she is I hope she never comes back." My mum's words had hurt the most. I'd left them behind then.

They'd called me one last time and that was the day that they died. And they'd asked for forgiveness. Chitauri screaming around them and explosions sounding, they'd rung me and asked for forgiveness. And before I could say I never held a grudge against them but myself they were gone.

I sat down on the kerb, unable to hold in the tears. I knew what Loki had felt like when his dad abandoned him, but at least he'd still had his mum until recently. I'd been abandoned by both parents and now, well the emotions were flooding back and I had no clue whether I could control them - whether I could control the ice which threatened to overwhelm me.


	8. Chapter 8

It was dark when I finally got home, my footwear covered in the snow which covered the paths. I kicked off my boots and shook the snow out of my hair, small trails of water slipping down my neck. Great. My jacket was drenched as I hung it on the radiator.

"Is that you, Midgardian?" Loki pointed out of the door at the small blizzard outside. He stood in the doorway, arms folding back over his chest. The TV was still giving out a buzz from being used in the living room.

"Yep," I nodded, voice slightly scratchy as I shut the weather out.

"Impressive." Loki nodded, pushing a lock of hair behind his ear. Then he stopped, his eyes analysing me, almost questioning what had happened before he walked off into the living room.

I went straight past the living room and up the stairs into my brother's bedroom. It still smelled of him - Lynx deodorant and lemons.

The bed squeaked underneath me as I fell back onto it. The tears made small trails down my cheeks as I cried. Hopefully Loki couldn't hear me, not that my tears would make a sound. It was the silent kind of crying that never really featured in movies; the crying that you only reserved out of sheer desperation and sadness when you didn't want anyone to see you. "I'm sorry Karl..." I whispered, my cheeks getting even wetter.

"Are you okay?" Loki even seemed startled by his own voice breaking the silence. So much for not being seen...

I sat up, quickly wiping the tears away. "I'm fine," my voice shook at the words but my tears had stopped.

"You are lying, Midgardian." Loki watched me from the doorway, arms crossed over his broad chest - one of his new tops stretching to cover him, which had arrived this morning.

"Maybe I don't want to tell you what happened." I fell back onto the bed.

Loki snorted. "Midgardian, you are quite obviously upset and need to... How did they say it on The Vampire Diaries I watched today... Vent."

I threw my hands up over my head and sighed, glaring up at the ceiling. "I have no one to vent to," I whispered, closing my eyes. I let the smell of my brother overwhelm me - it was almost as if he was still here, beside me, annoying me.

The bed sank beside me, the smell of leather and something foreign now near me. "I am here, I may want to be somewhere else but I am here for now, Midgardian."

"Go away," I mumbled, rolling away from him onto my side.

"I do what I want I'm afraid," Loki laughed. "Besides you cannot get rid of me that easily, Midgardian."

"How do I get rid of you?" I rolled onto my stomach, resting my chin on my hands. "And stop calling me Midgardian."

Loki looked at me from his position by turning his head, a small smirk on his face. Up close his eyes were even more startling and his features even sharper - almost like an ice statue. "From your house or just this room in general?"

"Don't get smart with me," I sighed. I didn't have the energy to snap right now.

"Well to get rid of me you need to persuade Odin to take me back to Asgard." Loki inspected his nails, placing his other hand underneath his head. "To get me out of this room all you have to do is tell me what is wrong, mortal."

I face planted the bed, sighing again.

"Quite the moody one aren't you," Loki chuckled. "Much ado about nothing it would seem, just a petty-"

I moved quicker than an average human, pinning him to the bed. "Don't assume something you don't know," I hissed.

His eyes looked up at me, almost expectantly. His lips a straight line and his breathing suddenly accelerated.

My heart was racing, as I looked down at my hand on his chest. Snowflakes were suspended in the air around us. The temperature slowly dropped as I glared down at the God.

"Well, are you done admiring my godlike form or are you going to stay on top of me for the entirety of the-"

I put a finger to his lips. "Shut up."

Loki's signature smirk flickered underneath my finger. "A please never hurt anyone." His lips were surprisingly smooth underneath my skin, weird...

"An apology doesn't either," I smirked back.

Loki's touch was cold on my wrist as he pulled my hand away from his mouth. "I am sorry for whatever it is I did that offended you, even if that mere thing is just existing. Do not try to disguise your hatred of me."

I laughed then, the sound escaping my lips before I could do anything about it. I rolled off of him, his grip on my wrist falling away as I lay beside him.

"Who's room is this?" Loki asked, reaching up and touching one of the snowflakes which hung in the air. The snowflakes didn't move, it just glowed a faint blue at his touch along with all with of the others.

"It was my brother's," I whispered.

"Shall I tell you a story, Midgardian?"

I looked to the God lying next to me. His black hair fanned out around his head.

"Honestly, do not look so shocked that I noticed that you are disheartened." Loki narrowed his eyes. "I feel too, whether that news be believable or not."

"You have a funny way of showing it." I shook my head, lying back down.

"Anyway, my story, which is actually a factual account but who am I for corrections." Loki took a deep breath. "I believe you Midgardians begin things with Once upon a time, yes?"

"Yes," I answered.

"Okay..." Loki took a deep breath. "If I had magic I could give you an illusion to go with my tale-"

"Just tell me the story."

"Goodness we're impatient aren't we?" Loki chuckled. "In Asgard patience is the essence my dear."

"We're not five years old so stop treating me like I am,' I snapped. "And definitely don't call me dear again."

"If you insist," Loki sighed. "Once upon a time there was two brothers - both brothers destined for greatness but one was always in the shadow of the other. This brother knew he would never be King yet his brother was destined to rule - an idiotic oaf. He would have ruined the country so his brother took it into his own hands and got him banished to Midgard. All was going to plan, until the brother found out about his true heritage: he was not of Asgard but of Jotunheim, he was a frost giant whom was abandoned at birth, his destiny to die. The brother destined to rule was brought back to Asgard a new man thanks to love and proved himself a mighty ruler. The other brother cast to the side as if he were nothing. The two brothers fought, the destruction of Jotunheim imminent. And then the brother who had lived in shadow the entirety of his life hung in the balance - continue to live in a shadow or be free and rule, and so he let go and fell."

"What happened to him?" I looked up at Loki who's eyes were glued to the ceiling.

"The brother landed on Midgard and he tried to rule a race which did not need ruling. He was as foolish as his brother had been so long ago," Loki sighed. "He caused many innocent deaths and was smashed by an unruly monster, but..." Loki looked down at me. "He deserved it. He was wrong then. He was taken back to Asgard and imprisoned only to cause more damage: the brother got his mother killed, faked his death and was then imprisoned again for mutiny." Loki smirked, reaching down and lifting my hand to place it against his, hovering in the air. "And then he was cast out to spend the remainder of his days in a wretched place they call Earth and forced to seek refuge in the most unlikely place: a Midgardian's house."

I watched our hands for a minute before I rested my head on his shoulder. Maybe it was my weakness for feeling comfort or because I genuinely felt sorry for the guy. Big softy alert I know. "He's you, isn't he?"

Loki weaved his fingers through mine. "I could not say, Midgardian, I can only tell you I wish that it was just a mere fable."

His hand was as pale as mine, perfectly fitting against my palm. "Why are you holding my hand?"

Loki's breath skimmed across my face. "I am comparing the difference between us."

"Is there any?"

"Hmmm..." Loki glanced away from me, taking his hand away from mine. "Yes."

"What are you talking about?" I asked, looking at his face.

Loki looked down at me, a small smile on his face. "You are not a monster who craves a throne, who where ever he goes causes death and destruction."

"Neither are you," I answered.

"You have not seen the darkest side of me, Midgardian," Loki whispered. "You have not seen the madness which plagues me, which threatens to overwhelm."

"You just need to control it," I yawned.

Loki sighed. "If only it were that easy little Midgardian, if only it were that easy..."

My back pocket vibrated, a loud siren noise ringing through the room. My phone! I opened my eyes to a black clad chest. We were so close... I scrambled to my feet, pulling the device from my pocket and hitting answer.

"Hey Freya, I'll be over in ten minutes, it's our coffee morning today, remember?"

I tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. Shit. "Yes, of course I remembered, see you in ten." I hung up on Phil, looking to my side.

Loki was sat up, looking up at me. "What's-" he yawned, eyes watering slightly "- wrong?"

"Phil's coming over. Here. Now." I ran my hands through my hair and straightened my clothes. "This is so not good."

Loki stretched as he stood, towering above me. "What are we going to do?"

"You aren't doing anything." I pointed at his chest. "You're staying here and you're not going to move or go near the stairs."

Loki stood and crossed his arms. "Just contact him and say it is an inconvenient time to turn up, it is that simple Midgardian."

"He's already on his way," I snapped.

"Tell him you have a man in the house," Loki shrugged.

"He'll want to meet them and what am I going to do when I tell him he doesn't exist?"

Loki shot me a look of disapproval. "I do exist, earthling."

"Phil would kill me if he found out I'd slept with you." I shook my head.

"You would not want me to bed you?" Loki raised an elegant black eyebrow.

"Bed-" I stopped abruptly realising what he meant. My cheeks instantly flamed.

"You wear embarrassment well, Midgardian," Loki smirked, standing taller.

"Shut up," I snapped.

Loki glanced towards the bathroom. "What happens if I have to urinate?"

I glared at him. "Just go, but quietly."

Loki rolled his sapphire eyes.

"Be good," I told him before heading for the stairs.

"Says the one who caused a blizzard yesterday," Loki muttered.

I turned around at the door frame and flicked my wrist. Ice blocked the doorway, a thick but transparent sheet.

"You have imprisoned me, Midgardian." Loki stepped up to the division, touching it. His eyes were still a ferocious blue behind it yet they glinted with humour. "Whatever for? I have given no inkling of misbehaving."

"Best be good then and I might contemplate letting you out." I turned on my heel.

"Frey- Midgardian, I am hungry."

I continued walking, down the stairs and into the kitchen. I grabbed the bag of hot cross buns and headed back up the stairs. A small square appeared in the ice. "I would hate for you to starve."

Loki smirked, taking the bag. "For someone with so much power you are wasting it."

I crossed my arms. "And what do you recommend I use it on?"

Loki smirked, putting the hot cross buns on the side. "You could rule the world, sit a top a throne and have all kneel at your feet. You could defeat the Avengers-"

I waved my hand and the ice square sealed. Loki was still talking but I couldn't hear him. He seemed to notice after a minute. His pale hand reached up to the glass and tapped it twice.

I created a small hole. "What?"

"I was joking," he chuckled. "I smirk when I am joking, Midgardian."

"I would never have guessed." I faked a smile before walking down the stairs.

Zeus sat at the bottom of them, his judgy little green eyes staring up at me.

"What?" I shrugged. "I can't say I haven't wanted to do that since I first saw him."

Zeus tilted his head at me before using his stubby little legs to conquer the stairs. Wow, judgement from a cat, Loki must have brainwashed him.

The door sounded behind me. Phil.

I took a deep breath before opening the door.

Phil smiled up at me as he stepped into the house, two coffees in his hands. "Hey." How on earth had he knocked the door?

"Hello," I nodded, shutting the door.

Phil smiled at me again before collapsing onto the sofa. "Freya, how's it going?"

"I'm fine." I nodded, sitting opposite him and taking one of the coffees. The warmth spread through my hands, getting rid of the chill that had taken over me from earlier. I don't know what had caused it, but it was something to do with Loki.

"We haven't found him." Phil took a sip of his drink, eyes watching me.

I mimicked him before answering "He'll only come out when he wants to be found."

"I see you gave us a little snow yesterday." Phil looked out of the window, laughing.

I nodded.

"Johnson told me and he apologises for what he said." Phil reached forward and squeezed my knee. "I put him on desk duty for the rest of the month."

I laughed, letting a smirk spread across my face. "I bet he loved that."

"He agreed he deserved it," Phil shrugged.

"Ugh, I'm so sick of the word freak," I mumbled.

"Your parents never told you how you got your powers did they?" Phil moved his hand away from me and sat straighter.

I frowned, setting the coffee down. "No."

"You were near a generator when you were little, in the S.H.I.E.L.D base, and it exploded." Phil grimaced. "We thought you'd died but you just lay in the snow... I suppose absorbing the energy, the cold from it. Your skin turned blue and your eyes, even your hair."

I leant closer to Phil. "Why was I near a generator?"

Phil smiled then. "You were trying to save a rat that had escaped from the lab."

"Did it survive?" I asked.

Phil nodded. "Of course."

I nodded, looking down at my hands as the information sank in. "Wow."

Phil cleared his throat. "I know you try to save things that are already too far gone, please don't try and save Loki, he's crazy and dangerous."

"I would never try to save him." The lie was too easy as I said it.

Phil nodded. "You'd tell me if you'd seen him, wouldn't you?"

I nodded, not trusting myself to speak.

"You can't save him Freya, he doesn't deserve a second chance." Phil watched me, searching for a lie. "He's nothing like you."

"What's the difference between him and the rat, they were both lost and misunderstood-"

"Freya." Phil stood up and came and sat next to me. "Loki killed me and then laughed, he didn't regret it at all. He's a monster and you can never undo something like that."

Footsteps. I couldn't exactly blame Dobby... And they were too heavy to be Zeus.

Phil glanced upwards. "Who else is here?"

"No one, it's probably Zeus." I tucked a lock of hair behind my ear.

Phil nodded. "You'd tell me if you ever found someone, a man, or a woman. If you're homosexual I don't care, you're my niece and I love you."

"Phil I'm not gay," I smiled. "I just... Haven't found the right guy yet."

"What is your type anyway?" Phil raised an eyebrow, smirking.

I rolled my eyes. "Not you too."

"It's been two years since you've been in a relationship, I'm worried about you." Phil sipped some coffee. "Besides Jack from training is not a suitable bed partner."

I refrained from dropping my coffee - god I sounded like Loki. "How did you find out?"

Phil shrugged. "I have my ways."

"May..." I mumbled. She was another S.H.I.E.L.D agent that Phil should definitely date...

"So you gonna answer my question or avoid it?" Phil leant back on the sofa, waiting.

"I don't know," I shrugged.

"Hair colour?"

"Black."

"Eye colour?" The inquisition had begun...

"Blue."

"Personality?"

"Sassy."

Phil laughed before continuing "Style?"

"Leather."

Phil frowned. "You're describing a Hell's Angel right now."

"Ahhh, but I don't like motorbikes," I laughed.

"Have you ever considered internet dating?" Phil asked. "Because I give up, I don't know anyone that has blue eyes, black hair, is sassy and wears leather apart from Loki and he is the biggest no no."

I smirked. "You sure?"

"No way in Hell would I walk you up the aisle to that psychopath." Phil's tone held no sarcasm, it was blunt and honest.

"I'll take it as a maybes then," I nodded, looking to the clock. It was one in the afternoon, damn I'd slept half of the day away. "It's late afternoon and Johnson said he'd take me on a date tonight so I need to get ready."

"My faith has been restored." Phil stood up, a smirk on his face. "Be safe, Freya."

I hugged him. "Always am."

"Be safer now that Loki's here, you're all I have left and I can't lose you." Phil held my shoulders, smiling weakly.

"I know, same to you," I whispered.

The door shut softly behind Phil as he left. The stairs creaked before breath was on my neck. "Are you still sure you want me here, Midgardian?"


	9. Chapter 9

I turned around and looked up at Loki. "I'm sure I'm sure, I'm absolutely sure." I laughed. "That's how sure I am."

Loki nodded before raising an eyebrow. "Then answer me one question: why do you insist on saving what cannot be saved? I heard the entirety of your conversation with Coulson and I cannot get over your idiocy."

I kept his gaze. "Because you can be saved, and I'm not an idiot so stop implying it."

Loki didn't smirk, he kept his serious look. All humour from the situation was gone. "Coulson was right, I am a monster."

I put my hands on my hips. "It's a good job I like Monsters Inc then."

"I do not understand your mortal references, Midgardian." Loki shook his head.

The door knocked behind me.

"Go into my room, quickly." I pushed Loki in the room's direction.

"Who are you ex-"

"No one," I answered with a final shove.

At the sound of my bedroom door closing I opened the door to the stubbly face of my ex. "I miss you, Frey." Why now?

I went to shut the door but Jay pushed through, pressing himself against me. "Jay, get off of me now."

"No." Jay breathed on me, his breath stinking of alcohol. "I want you, now. I won't cheat on you again." His hand wandered up my waist, his face getting closer to mine. He was most definitely a mistake of the past.

"Get off now!" I struggled against him but he was too strong and drunk and the wall was in the way. I couldn't reveal my powers to him no matter how much I wanted to. "Jay..." His hand had wandered to the zipper on my jumpsuit. No. God no. I froze, fear gripping me. He wouldn't. He couldn't. "J-Jay don't."

"Leave her alone now, Midgardian." Loki's voice was menacing and sinister, a voice I'd never heard him use. There was no hint of kindness in it, his tone razor sharp and cruel. His blue eyes glared at Jay with a ferocity that made his eyes shine.

"Or what," Jay snapped, wobbling slightly as he turned to face the God.

"You shall unleash a rage which has been festering for over a hundred years." Loki stepped forward, his jaw muscles tight. "Believe me earthling, it would be a mistake to continue on your path of destruction." Loki clenched his fists at his side. Oh no...

"Loki don't," I whispered.

Jay took a swing, catching the side of Loki's cheek. The sound made me jump, a painful cracking sound.

But Loki didn't flinch. Rage shone in his blue eyes as he moved, quickly striking Jay in the chest with a fist. His hand then wrapped around Jay's throat, squeezing as he shoved him against the wall.

Jay's panicked brown eyes glanced to me as Loki tightened his grip. He was going to kill him. Oh god...

Jay used his strength to head butt Loki in the face.

Loki rammed him harder against the wall, moving closer to him. "You are nothing to me and to kill you would be like wiping sweat from my brow, effortless." A small trail of blood fell down Loki's lip. "I may be mortal now but it does not mean I have changed."

"Loki stop, this isn't you." I grabbed his arm - which made no difference what so ever. "They say you're a monster don't prove them right."

Loki glanced to me, madness in his eyes. "They already know I am a monster, they do not need further evidence against me, killing him would make no difference to my circumstances nor to their opinions. If anything -" Loki growled "- they would expect it from me."

"Loki, stop, your mother would never have wanted this," I whispered. "Look at what you've become, what you're becoming."

"Stop acting like you know me, you don't!" Loki yelled, his knuckles whitening as Jay choked. "You do not know what I am scared of and you do not know why I am angry. You know next to nothing about me so how can you pretend you do?" He snapped, voice seething.

"You're right, I know only what I've been told about you. I don't know what you're scared about and I have no clue what you're so angry about because you won't tell me or anyone else but Loki, look at me please?"

His blue gaze met mine, hostile and angry.

"Trust me when I say this is definitely not the way to vent it all out. Killing him will not solve any of you problems it will only make everything worse. Loki, he's not worth it, don't prove everyone right, please."

His grip loosened fractionally.

"Loki." I reached up and put my hand on his cheek. "You may believe your destiny is to die but you can change that. All you have to do is let go and you can change your destiny, change who you're becoming. You can be the Loki your mother wanted you to be, raised you to be. Loki, you can escape the shadow you've hidden in for so long but only you can do it." I let go of his cheek, waiting for him to let go, hoping for him to let go.

Loki sighed before dropping Jay.

I stepped between them and put my hands to Jay's temples. A small layer of frost covered his skin before it disappeared along with the fear in his eyes.

I let my hands drop to my sides. "Go," I whispered, moving to open the front door. I motioned for Jay to leave. I'd wiped his memory of what had happened, numbed it.

He nodded, dazed before staggering back out of the door.

I shut it behind him and placed my forehead against the wooden panel. Wow. Just wow. The adrenaline drained out of my system leaving me emptier and colder than normal.

I turned to Loki. His lip was cut and his cheek already turning purple.

I sighed, holding out my hand. "Come on let's get you cleaned up."

Loki nodded, eyes falling to the floor. Zeus watched us walk past from his spot on the stairs, green eyes wide and his heckles up on his back.

Loki sat on a kitchen stool as I got an ice pack from the fridge.

"Being a Midgardian is painful," Loki mumbled.

I wet a towel to clean up his lip. "Yeah well, you get used to it."

I pressed the fabric to his bleeding lip. "Hold this on your cheek it'll make it less painful." I handed him the ice pack.

He placed it against his cheek, blue eyes not meeting mine. His lip kept bleeding, it was a nasty cut, worse then the one he'd gained from the shed destroying episode.

"He's a cage fighter, why did you take him on?" I muttered, wiping away most of the blood.

"He was abusing you, Midgardian." Loki put his hand over mine. "A ruler must protect his people whether he likes them or not."

"I can handle myself and I'm not your subject, so you don't rule me." I took my hand out from under his.

"It did not look like you had the situation under control," Loki mumbled again. I stuck a butterfly strip onto his lip before I held his chin. "Well it's a good job I had my knight in shining armour to save me then, so thank you."

Loki held my gaze. "You are welcome, Midgardian."

I moved away from him and washed my hands, the water warm against my skin. "Well, I better get ready I've got a date."

"You sound displeased, Midgardian." I turned around to see Loki smirking.

"Yeah well I have better things I could be doing like the ironing and the washing and all of the other Midgardian burdens of life," I sighed, drying my hands.

Loki chuckled. "You are beginning to sound like myself, Midgardian."

"God no." I shook my head, watching as the lean God left my kitchen. He was wearing a pair of skinny jeans and a tight black t-shirt and well, he looked godly. But anyway... I tossed the towel to the side and walked out of the kitchen.

Loki sat on the sofa with Zeus whilst I headed for the bathroom. I made sure to lock the door and then I started the shower. Steam swirled around the room as I shed my clothes.

"Wow," I breathed, stepping into the water. Loki had saved me. I swallowed the lump in my throat. What would have happened if he hadn't been there? I closed my eyes, letting the water run down my face. Life had a funny way of changing suddenly. And Loki did for that matter - he was most definitely a puzzle... That video I'd seen of him in Stark tower showed a whole new side of him that I'd caught a glimpse of this afternoon...

"Please tell me you're going to appeal to my humanity," Loki had waltzed into the Stark tower lobby, sceptre in his hand.

"Err, actually I'm planning to threaten you," Stark replied innocently, shrugging.

Loki smirked, motioning with his sceptre. It was like a phone to him, an extension of a limb, something he couldn't be seen without, until now. "You should have left your armour on for that."

"Yeah, you've seen a bit of mileage and I see you've got the glow stick of destiny," Stark explained, leaning on the bar work top. "Would you like a drink?"

Loki smirked. "Stalling me won't change anything."

"No no, threatening," Stark argued. "No drink, are you sure? I'm having one."

Loki frowned before pacing towards the window. "The Chitauri are coming, nothing can change that. What have I to fear?" Loki turned on his heel, glaring at Stark.

Stark continued pouring his drink. "The Avengers."

Loki raised an eyebrow.

"That's what we call ourselves: earth's mightiest heroes I like to think." Stark tipped the bottle faster.

"Yes, I've met them," Loki chuckled.

"Yeah, takes us a while to get any traction, I'll give you that." Stark nodded, slipping on some wrist bands. "Let's do a headcount here though: your brother the demigod -" Loki clenched his jaw "- a supersoldier, a living legend who kinda lives up to the legend. A man with breaking taking anger issues and a couple of master assassins and you, big fella -" Stark pointed to Loki "- you've managed to piss off every single one of them."

Loki tried to hold back a laugh. "That was the plan."

"Not a great plan." Stark took a sip of his drink. "When they come and they will, they'll come for you."

Loki kept Stark's gaze. "I have an army."

"We have a hulk." Stark walked up to Loki.

"Oh, I thought the beast had wandered off." Loki held his sceptre tighter as he glanced out if the window.

Stark shook his head. "Yeah, you're missing the point - there's no throne, there is no version of this where you come out on top. Maybe your army comes and maybe it's too much for us but it's all on you because if we can't protect the earth you can be damn well sure we'll avenge it."

Loki glowered at Stark, slowly moving towards him. "How will your friends have time for you when they're so busy fighting you." Loki placed the sceptre to Stark's chest.

A dull ring sounded and nothing happened.

Loki frowned before trying again. "This usually works."

"Oh, performance issues is not uncommon," Stark shrugged.

Loki grabbed his throat, throwing Stark to the floor.

"Jarvis, anytime now," Stark gasped.

Loki picked him up and held him by the throat. "You will all fall before me!"

I shivered and stepped out of the water, banishing the image from my head. That was the old Loki, the guy who'd killed my uncle and singly handedly destroyed manhattan with the help of the Avengers. Now, well he was different.

I washed myself listening to the God in the living room.

"Creature, Zeus, how long do you suppose I am welcome here?"

A meow sounded.

"Forever?" Loki sounded like a five year old. "Why thank you, but I do not think Freya will agree."

I shook my head, shampoo in my hair. It was amazing how Loki changed when he thought no one was listening or looking.

"My mother, Frigga, would have loved you," Loki laughed. "You are what she would have called adorable."

The dork in my living room was definitely not the same moron who'd tried to rule the world not that along.

I got out of the shower trying not to laugh. I wrapped a towel around my hair before putting another around my body. Time to pick a dress...

I walked through the living room, Loki's eyes following me all the while, into my bedroom.

The wardrobe swung open, surprisingly no dust cloud swarmed the room, instead my small but glamorous collection of dresses glared at me. Ugh, who was I kidding? I'd never be able to pick one. I sank to my knees, gazing up at the army of fabric above me.

"What are you doing?" Loki's voice sounded from the doorway.

"Trying to choose a dress," I sighed from the kneeling position I was now in. "I'm open to suggestions."

"Because I would be educated in the art of dresses wouldn't I?" Loki chuckled.

"Useless." I rolled my eyes. "And no I don't have any antlers or sceptres."

Loki stepped beside me and motioned towards a dark blue dress. "It would go with your eyes, but..." His hand brushed my black number. "This one would suit you best I can assure you." He took it off the rail, handed it to me and then walked out of the room. Well then...

It didn't take me long to get ready and soon I stood in front of my mirror checking my rouge lipstick for smudges. My makeup was simple, a bronze eyeshadow and some Kol eyeliner, a little contouring because who can contour properly if they're not a makeup artist? I couldn't.

The little black dress Loki had chosen was made of silk and stopped just short of my knee, a slit running up the right side of my leg. The fabric clung to my skin. But, I hadn't done it up, the bonuses of living alone... You couldn't dress yourself and there was no one around to help you dress yourself. But now...

I walked out of my room, turning my back towards Loki. "Could you zip me up, please?" I moved my hair to the right side of my neck out of the way.

"Of course, Midgardian, I must help the-"

I stepped back onto his toe. "I'm not weak."

Loki's cold fingers brushed my skin as he zipped up the dress. "Your skin is freezing," he announced, his breath rushing across my shoulder.

"So is my soul," I laughed.

"Is that mortal banter?" Loki seemed confused by the last word. Bless.

I laughed. "Yes."

"What strange ways Midgardians have of communicating humour..." Loki muttered.

I turned around to look up at him.

"You know you didn't really give me a proper answer back in the kitchen by the way." I swept my hair to the side again and looked to Loki. "Why did you save me?"

Loki took my hands, gripping them tightly. "I did not want to see you hurt, Freya, like I announced."

I stared at him, my mouth hanging open. "What did you just say?"

"I did not want to see you get hurt." Loki stood up taller, his hands shaking ever so slightly. "You are the only person besides my mother who has not given up on me and I am thankful for that. I have realised that in life you should be thankful, even if I am past the point of no return."

"No one is past the point of no return until their soul leaves their body," I whispered. "Don't forget that. No one." Apart from me. I let go of his hands and began to walk away from him, swallowing the lump in my throat.

"What is wrong?" Loki grabbed my arm, spinning me around.

Our lips were inches away from each other, breathes intermingling. His blue gaze seemed to block out everything else, like it was just me and him. My heart started to race. His smell which I could never distinguish swept over me. He was so close.

'Everyone you go near you hurt or you kill, you're deadly and you'll always be alone sis if you don't let someone in.' Karl, he'd told me that before he died, but I'd killed him after letting him in. I'd let the emotions overrun me and it had killed him, the cold too much. I couldn't kill Loki. I'd freeze his heart.

I blinked, watching him. His eyes had lost all of their harshness and were frantically searching my face.

"I can't," I whispered, looking away. "I'm so sorry."

Loki swallowed, nodding. "Who could love a monster? I do not know why I tried to convince myself otherwise." He dropped my hands. I'd hurt him. Who was the monster now?

I reached up and held his cheeks. "No, you're not a monster honestly. I just can't-" I shook my head, letting go of his hand. "I can't. I'm the monster here, every time someone gets close... They die and -" I crossed my arms over my chest "- I'm not adding your death to my total. I'm not freezing your heart."

Loki stood looking down at me, blue eyes never leaving my face. "I caught a glimpse of a movie today, Midgardian." Loki glanced to the TV then back at me. "The Fault In Our Stars I believe and Augustus was right in what he said: You don't get to choose if you get hurt in this world, but you do get some say in who hurts you."

I nodded, the lump in my throat getting bigger.

"Our worlds may be vastly different Freya but they both apply to what he said." Loki smiled at me before returning to his perch on the sofa.

"I shouldn't be gone too long." I picked up my clutch.

"Take all the time you require I need to be alone with my thoughts," Loki sighed, running a hand through Zeus' fur.

"That sounds dangerous," I laughed but the sound was too tense.

"Perhaps it is, perhaps it is not." Loki caught my gaze. "After all thoughts only count if we act upon them. Emotions only affect us if we acknowledge them."

I nodded again, hair falling into my eyes. "I'm sorry, I really am."

"Do not apologise Midgardian." Loki broke from my gaze, the sides of his mouth slightly down turned. God, I felt bad. "You are but one in thousands who have rejected me, I have grown used to the feeling now. Go, have fun on your Midgardian exploits cherish your feelings, I know you ignore them. Maybe you are scared, maybe you are hiding something but who am I to comment; I am the God of mischief and lies, nobody trusts me."

And just like that he built his wall right back up - ten foot tall with no way in hell anyone could climb it.


	10. Chapter 10

The doorbell rung. I broke my gaze from the broken man on the sofa. It was time. I walked the few steps to the edge of the living room. Why did that sound like a death sentence? I looked back at Loki; he gripped the bridge of his nose. His eyes flickered to the window every so often, an unreadable emotion appearing in them. I stepped into the hallway, gripping my clutch.

"Is this my punishment, Allfather?" Loki whispered, his voice raw. "Am I to rot on this earth unloved and alone for eternity? The bastard son you wish to forget. Father, I am sorry for all of my actions but please do not let this be my retribution."

I turned to go back to him then, to right what I'd done. I shouldn't have let him down like that. He wasn't a monster he was a broken man who'd only ever wanted to be equal to his brother, he'd never wanted the throne. He'd wanted his father's approval. But the way people had treated him had warped him into the monster people wanted to see. Mischief had turned into mayhem.

A knock sounded again. I opened the door. I knew as it opened I'd chosen wrong. Johnson or Loki? It wasn't Johnson, but it wasn't quite Loki.

"Hey-" Johnson smiled, stopping as his blue eyes scanned my body. "Wow, I hardly recognised you, Freya, you look gorgeous." He winked. He wore another suit, grey this time with polished brogues. Did this man live in anything else other than suits? Did he sleep in them?

"Johnson." I smiled before stepping out of the house and shutting the door behind me. The light in the living room flickered off and the house settled into silence as if no one was there. I bit my lip, picking up my pace. I guess you could say I was trying to escape what I'd done. Hurting people isn't my thing, not purposely anyway, unless I'm provoked.

"You live alone in that big old house?" Johnson asked, opening his car door - a shiny A-class Mercedes-Benz.

I nodded, readjusting my hair and climbing into the car. The leather was cold against my skin and the smell too clean. It was too awkward and sterile.

Johnson climbed in and started the car, reversing off of the drive and onto the road. Where else, right?

"What's wrong?" Johnson stopped at the traffic lights. His cologne was too strong and it was making me feel sicker than I already felt.

I shrugged even though Johnson wasn't looking at me. "I just forgot how much it hurts to reject someone."

Johnson laughed, hands loosening on the steering wheel. "You obviously like them if it hurt." He spoke like he knew everything, like he'd experienced the feeling himself. And that's what made me trust his words.

"I don't know, we're too similar and different at the same time." I ran a hand through my hair. "Besides I don't even know if he's just using me right now." He's well known for deception and he's the God of Mischief and Lies... Yet I would never tell anyone that. Not now, maybe when I first met Loki I'd have told Johnson but now... Now I knew for certain I would never say where Loki was.

"Do they act differently around you?" Johnson accelerated forward, a small frown on his face.

"Yes."

"Rejecting someone only hurts if you like them back, what's his name?" Johnson glanced at me before looking back at the road.

"Damon." Again it was so easy to say the lie, to change the truth.

"So do I stand a chance against this Damon?" Johnson smirked. It was nothing like Loki's - it didn't hold the mischief, the arrogance, the vanity and the charisma his smirks held.

"I have no clue," I sighed.

Johnson looked at me and nodded. "Freya, your arms."

I looked down to see snowflakes decorating my skin but they weren't blue. They were red. Not good, they only changed colour when I had no control. What was Loki doing to me?

"You know I don't see why you agreed to go on this date, I know you don't like me." Johnson laughed, pulling into the restaurant car park. "So why did you agree?"

"Wanda would have killed me if she found out I said no," I laughed. "Surprisingly I didn't want to die so I agreed."

Johnson chuckled, turning the key. The engine fell silent.

I sat, gripping my clutch. "Johnson-"

"Matt, my name is Matt, we aren't at work right now," Johnson smiled.

"Right, Matt, ummm... I'm trying to get Phil and Wanda off of my back as well," I whispered.

"Why?"

I turned away from Johnson. "Ever since my parents died I shut out my emotions and I haven't really made contact with them in a while, until now. And when I feel, I'm dangerous - deadly - and I can't put someone in a situation where they could die so I push them away. And well... Phil and Wanda think I'm going to be alone forever, which I probably will be- I'm babbling now," I sighed, leaning forward onto my hands. My palms dug into my eye sockets.

"I get the feeling you're giving me the explanation for the guy you said no to." A hand made small circles on my back. "Freya, you have to let someone in before it gets better. Let them know the risks before and if you hurt them... Well, they knew the risks and it wasn't your fault."

I sat up, giving Johnson a weak smile. "Thank you, John- Matt, that helped."

Johnson nodded. "Well, we should get some food. I don't know about you but I'm starved."

I nodded, getting out of the car and taking Johnson's arm as he lead me to the entrance. The restaurant was a small white bricked building with an authentic feel to it. A small Italian flag hung in one of the Windows whilst the others were crowded by flowers. It was a quaint but homely setting, garlic and tomatoes potent in the air. Our table was perched in the corner away from everyone else. The candles flickered in the dim light.

I hid behind the menu, scanning the meals.

"Do you think we'll catch him?" Johnson peered over my menu.

"Catch who?" I asked, setting the menu down slightly.

"Loki."

I shrugged. "I don't know. He'll turn up eventually I guess."

"We need to find him soon, a monster like him can't walk the streets," Johnson spat. "No one who tried to kill their own brother should walk the streets, they don't deserve freedom."

I let the menu drop to the table but Johnson wasn't finished, his eyes flared with anger and his fist lightly hit the table.

"Who would kill their own brother?" He caught my gaze.

"Jeeze, I don't know." I blew my hair out of my eyes.

"I don't even know anyone who could do such a thing, be such a monster." Johnson's jaw was tense and his eyes hostile.

His words had struck home for me. I was a monster. "I did. I killed my brother," I whispered. I let the anger consume me, the emotions rushed forward past the floodgates.

"They're not-"

I brought my hands down on the table, hard, the glasses scattering to the floor. "They are the same and don't you dare tell me any different. Loki tried to kill his brother. I did kill my brother and that makes me worse than him."

Johnson stood up. "Freya, I didn't-"

"No, just no." I picked up my clutch, storming off.

"Freya wait, I didn't-"

"You did mean it, you meant every word," I seethed. "I am a monster-" Ice rose from the floor in shards, trapping Johnson "- and you can't tell me any differently."

Johnson stepped forward. "I'm so-"

A wall of ice, pushed him to the wall. "Don't even think about it."

I spun on my heel, out of the door and into the night. Sleet hammered against the path, the light from the street lamps disfigured by the sudden weather change.

People ran past me, heading for shelter, heads bent against the weather. I didn't bend my head. I wasn't rushing for shelter. I let the sleet lash at my face, trail down my dress and drench my skin. I didn't care anymore. I walked across the road. A car honked. I lifted my hand. A sheet of ice made the car disappear.

I kept walking.

Ice smashed. Headlights blinded me. I jumped out of the way. The road tore at my hands and knees as I fell. I looked up: no one was there to help me. No one cared. My leg throbbed from the impact of the car. I screamed then, loudly and angrily. The wind picked up even more and snow fell in a blizzard. I was a monster now - why shouldn't I be what people thought I was? I would hate to disappoint.

I wiped my bloodied hands on my dress, scrambling out of the road and onto the kerb. My hand was pale against the concrete as I let the snowflakes on my arms turn black. Ice rose from the ground, weaving together to make four legs. A torso. A neck. A tail. And finally a head. A horse looked down at me. It stood, breathing, it's breathes clouds of ice. I reached up and clung to it's mane. Pain rushed through my hands as I clambered up onto the horse. It felt so alive underneath me - a life I'd created. The snowflakes on my arms grew darker as I kicked the horse's flanks, urging it forward. It whinnied before surging forward.

"Home," I mumbled. "Take me home." I let my head fall onto it's mane. The sky was pitch black and the moon now gone. Snow clung to every surface, more of it still falling. Each time a tear fell it froze on my cheek, a captured moment of sadness, before the wind whisked it away into the oblivion of night. This was exactly what had happened the night Karl had been killed. The night I'd broken.

I clung to the horse as it ran, hooves creating sharp snaps against the floor. It's mane and tail, didn't move in the wind, instead they stayed still, frozen. The horse's eyes never blinked. The only sign of life was the frantic breathes it took before it halted.

I sat up. My house loomed in the darkness. The house Karl had lived in...

The wind whipped snow off of the building, swirling around me - a tornado around me.

"Freya!" My house door flew open. Loki's black locks flew around his face as he ran towards me.

I fell from the horse, blood dripping from it's mane. "Stay away from me." I held up one of my damaged palms towards Loki.

"No." Loki reached for my wrist and pulled me out of the snowflakes.

"I'm a monster, get away from me!" I screamed, pulling my hand out of his grasp.

"No, you are not." Loki grabbed my waist this time, tighter before he hoisted me over his shoulder.

I hit his back. "Put. Me. Down. Now."

Loki slammed the door with his foot, setting me down in front of him. Even though we were inside the wind still tore through our hair and snow still lashed at us.

"Calm down." Loki reached for my hand.

I snatched it away. "No, I won't calm down. I'm doing what I should have done years ago." I could feel the cold taking over me, ice through my veins, rushing towards my heart. I shuddered, my knees colliding with the carpet. Ice covered the floor and the walls - intricate patterns of destruction.

Loki knelt in front of me . "Do not shut it all out again, Midgardian this is not the way to control the cold, the darkness. Do not make the mistake I-"

My arms turned black, the ice in the room becoming darker. "I have no control, the cold controls me I can't control it. I'm a freak, a monster, leave me alone."

"Frey-"

"Leave me alone!" I screamed, flicking my wrist. Ice flew everywhere in shards. They flew at Loki, hovering in front of him. "Get out of my house and don't ever come back. I don't need you and I don't want you."

Loki stepped forward, chest pressing against the shards. "No, Freya listen to me."

I drove the ice further forward. It pierced his shirt.

"This is not you, Freya," Loki whispered. "This is the darkness, the mayhem taking over you."

I glared at him. "Leave."

"Never." Loki moved quicker than an average human as the ice flew forward at a deadly speed, stabbing the wall.

I crossed my arms, hugging myself against the cold. "I could have killed you."

Loki knelt in front of me, blue eyes searching my face. "You cannot kill me that easily, I was a God."

"Get away from me," I sobbed. "Please." The tears fell too easily down my face, hot streaks.

"No." Loki reached forward and took my hands.

"Yes," I mumbled, watching as his hands began to turn blue.

"Tell me what is wrong," Loki spoke softly, his face now blue and his eyes red: his Jotun form.

"No," I shook my head.

Loki let go of one of my hands and brushed a strand of hair out of my face. "Please?"

"I killed, I killed him." My body shook violently. My vision blurred. My bloodied hands stained the carpet as I pushed myself away from Loki. "I murdered him."

Loki sat watching me, blue eyes reflecting an emotion I'd never seen on him before: concern. "Who?"

"Karl, my brother." I picked at the rip on my dress. "It happened like it did today, he took me out for dinner on my birthday and he... He tried to make me feel, help me." The tears fell faster now. "I ran out of the restaurant and into the street. Karl ran after me and tried to calm me down. And-" I swallowed, looking to the floor "- and he hugged me telling me everyone I go near I hurt or I kill, that I'm deadly and I'll always be alone if I don't let someone in. He said I was a beautiful kind of dangerous and that I was destroying myself. I got angry at him and told him I hated him -" The snow fell harder in the living room "- and I-" I broke down in tears. "I put my hand to his chest to get him away from me... And..."

Loki moved towards me, pulling me against his chest.

"And I froze his heart," I mumbled against Loki's chest, tears making my cheeks sticky and cold. "I. Killed. My. Own. Brother," I stuttered between sobs. "I'm a monster..."

"Shhhh..." Loki's hand weaved through my hair, holding the back of my head. His other hand held my hip. Loki's chin settled in my hair. "My dear you were never a monster."

His heartbeat was loud in my ear. I gripped his shirt and pulled myself closer to him. I don't know how long we stayed like that - a tangle of limbs on the floor, tears trailing down my cheeks and Loki just holding me together as I cried.

"Is there any chance you could stop the snow?" Loki said into my hair.

I flicked my wrist. The wind around us stopped. I no longer felt the constant touch of the cold against my skin. My arms turned back to normal.

Loki untangled his hand from my hair, looking down at me. "I'll make you a promise?" The hints of a smirk ghosted his face as his skin became pink again.

I wiped the tears from my eyes. "What?"

"When I get my magic back I will turn him into a toad," Loki grinned, standing up.

I looked up at him. The ice slowly disappeared around the room. "That would be perfect."

Loki held out his hand. "Let me assist you with your hands."

I looked down to the drying scabs on my palms. "They're fine-"

"Midgardian, do not take my kindness for granted." Loki reached down and held my wrists leading me to the sofa. He walked into the kitchen, reappearing with the first aid box.

The sofa squeaked as his sat facing me. "Now, let me see your hands."

I put them palm up on my knees. Red tears smudged the skin. Oops.

Loki took out an antiseptic wipe. "I would lie to you but I have changed my ways, this will hurt."

I looked through my hair to see Loki smirking. I rolled my eyes.

The wipe made contact with my skin. I hissed.

Loki quickly wiped the wounds and bandaged them. The entire time we stayed quiet. I didn't speak because I was too scared to but Loki, I had no clue why he wasn't speaking. His eyes never left my hands, a slight frown on his face as he finished the ties on the bandages.

"Magic..." He whispered.

I lifted my hands up and admired his handy work. It wasn't too bad for a destroyer of worlds.

"Sorry I must have missed that," Loki smirked, his eyes sparkling with mischief.

"What?" I asked.

Loki wrapped an arm over my shoulders, discarding the medical box onto the floor. "Firstly you should have replied with pardon and secondly I have not heard a thank you, Midgardian." We were back to that now.

"Do you even know what that word is?" I laughed, wincing as I tried to move my hands.

"I do and I am expecting you to say it," Loki nodded, his bad man smirk lighting up his features.

"You do not control me, Midgardian," I giggled, attempting - and failing - at doing an evil smirk.

Loki wound his arm tighter around my shoulders. "Are you sure you do not want to take over the world? You did just create a horse to get home and you conjured an eternal winter."

I looked up at him, rolling my eyes.

"I assume by that look you are taking it into consideration." Loki smirked.

"I don't want to rule the world," I whispered. "It would require too much effort. And thrones, they look so uncomfortable."

Loki laughed. "Such a waste, Midgardian."

"Shhh," I mumbled, burying my face in his shirt. That smell... What was it?

"What are you doing?" Loki's voice vibrated in his chest.

"Sleeping, now shhh..." I whispered.

Loki fell silent.

It stayed that way for a few minutes until I broke the silence "Loki?"

"Yes, Midgardian?"

"One, you're too polite for a villain." I yawned. "And two, thank you if you hadn't of been here I don't-"

"Shhh, Midgardian." Loki put a finger to my lips.

I flicked his ribs. "Why?"

"I am trying to sleep and your constant yapping is disrupting my attempts at doing so." Loki looked down at me. "I do not look this good without a few tricks."

"I see what you did there," I whispered, letting my eyes close.

"What?" Loki whispered back.

"You couldn't stand someone thanking you so you cut me off, admit it."

Loki laughed before his fingers weaved through mine. "You are perceptive of everyone but yourself, Midgardian." Loki sighed, his chest rising. "My mother told me that before she died."

"She would be proud of you after tonight," I mumbled. "And so would your brother and father."

I could have sworn I heard a soft chuckle before I drifted off to sleep. Loki was a hero in his own eyes, every villian is - but tonight Loki became the hero and he saved me from destroying myself.


	11. Chapter 11

My head rose and fell, my cheek against a warm chest. I wrapped my arms tighter around the object I was lying on. My legs were tangled around another pair of limbs. Hands rested on the small of my back whilst soft snores sounded above my head. A steady stream of light filtered through the window, casting a shadow on the floor. The body underneath me was so warm, for once I didn't want to move from their hold. Last night had been rough and Loki had helped me through it. Wait...

I opened my eyes wider. Shit. I was on top of a God. On top of Loki. I'd slept on him. Oh god...

I unwrapped my arms and slowly tried extracted myself from him. Loki's grip tightened his grip around my waist. Dammit. I reached behind me and undid his hands, quickly leaping off of him. Loki didn't stir, pale face tilted up towards the ceiling and a small smile on his lips. His hands rested by his sides now, black hair fanned out around his head. Zeus stared up at me, his little green eyes pleading. His fur was soft against my hand as I placed him on Loki's chest. He snuggled into the God as Loki reached up and held him close.

"Not so heartless now, bad man," I laughed. "You're losing your credibility." I padded away from the adorable scene then. My hair clung to my neck, frizzy and greasy. I pushed it out of my face and headed for the bathroom. What on earth was happening to me?

Twenty minutes later I was ready with a bowl of cereal settling uneasily into my stomach. My hands were a little better, quite red but bearable now after some paracetamol, and as for my knees they were fully healed - a high metabolism had its perks. I brushed a strand of wet hair out of my eyes and padded across the room. The bowl made a small clatter against the coffee table but Loki didn't stir. I brushed a black lock of his hair from his face - he looked so peaceful, so painfully unaware as his eyes darted underneath his eyelids. Zeus opened an eye watching me for a minute before he stretched out on the God's chest and yawned.

I smirked, rubbing his head. "Mum's gotta go to work now, be a good little man and look after the house for her."

Zeus meowed, closing his eyes again.

"Loki?" I whispered. All of my efforts not to wake him up, including not singing in the shower, were all going to waste now.

He blinked twice before he groggily sat up, clutching Zeus to his chest. So threatening now, wasn't he? "Midgardian?" Especially how his hair was all poof now and not slicked back.

"I'm going to work." I smiled at him before straightening up. "I'll be home when they agree on the next plan of action to find you."

Loki smirked. "Farewell, Midgardian."

"Why do you look like you're laughing at me?" I asked, crossing my arms over my chest.

"I was not asleep when you woke up." Loki shrugged, smirk growing. "And the same applies to you, Midgardian - you are feeling again, you are not as cold as you want others to believe."

I shook my head, walking away from him.

"And there is my proof," Loki laughed. "You are rather like that of a clam, Midgardian - something precious on the inside but practically irretrievable by almost all who get near it." Almost all? Who was the exception?

"One would almost think you're being kind, Mischief." I smirked around the corner. "Better watch yourself or people might start thinking you're actually nice and start liking you," I mimicked his accent.

"Midgardian, what ever would I do with myself if that were to happen?" Loki chuckled. "People liking me, what a ridiculous notion."

"God knows," I laughed.

"Oh, I think I know," Loki answered. "And I know you know to, but I will not force you to say it. I will wait and when you realise you will tell me. It appears I will be here for a stretch of time and so I can wait."

My phone beeped as I slipped on my other boot. "Wait for what?"

"You are almost like me in the way you deceive people, perceptive of everyone but yourself, Midgardian," Loki sighed.

I looked down to my phone, Steve was outside to pick me up. "You've quoted that before," I called.

"I shall keep doing so until you admit what you cannot express, Midgardian."

"Okay enough with the riddles, goodbye Mischief." I opened the door.

"You have given me a nickname therefore you are showing me affection," Loki retorted.

"Don't push your luck, frosty." I shut the door, trying not to laugh.

Captain America sat on his bike at the end of the drive. "Good morning," he smiled. Classic Captain.

"Hey," I nodded.

"Here, put this on." Steve handed me a helmet. No fair...

"How come you're not wearing a helmet?" I frowned, taking it from him.

"I'm a Supersolider," Steve smiled. "I don't need a helmet."

I put the helmet on my head, a simple design which didn't cover the mouth. "All the little kids around here love you and are following your example and here you are being unsafe on a motorbike." I slung my leg over the bike and wrapped my hands around Steve's middle. "You should be ashamed of yourself."

Steve laughed. "Yeah, well gotta have a little rebellion." He revved the bike, accelerating forward.

"Would you kill Loki?" I asked.

I felt Steve shrug. "I wouldn't kill the bastard but I'd give him a good piece of my mind."

"So I'm not the only one," I whispered.

"You never were," Steve said over his shoulder.

"Captain?"

"Yes?"

I smirked. "Language."

The Avengers sat arguing when we strolled into the room, yet the argument seemed exhausted just like them.

"He's a monster!" Stark yelled. "He can't walk the earth."

I flinched, stopping in the doorway. Steve went and sat down next to Thor.

"Why are we looking for trouble?" Bruce argued.

My boots squeaked as I walked in, taking a seat next to Stark - the only seat left. Great.

"There is no sign of my brother, it is as if he has dropped off of the face of the earth," Thor sighed, chin resting on his hand.

"I'm sure he's okay," I smiled at him.

Thor nodded, seeming to perk up a bit.

Stark glared at me. "I don't care about-"

"Stark, you're talking about someone's brother," I snapped.

"And you'd know how to treat brothers wouldn't you," Stark spat. "You treated yours-"

Ice rose from the floor in a point and grazed Stark's neck. "Imagine what I could do to someone if I actually wanted to kill them," I hissed.

The room fell silent, all eyes on me.

"Freya." I turned to the door. Phil stood there with Johnson by his side.

I gritted my teeth, the ice falling to the floor.

Phil walked towards the table.

Johnson followed him. Ice rose from the floor and created a thick wall between him and the rest of us.

"Stop acting like a child," Stark snapped, from beside me.

"I'm not staying in the same room as him." I pushed my hair out of my face.

"Freya Sigyn Swinton stop it now." Fury stood at the head of the table, glaring at me with his one good eye.

I let the ice slowly melt away.

"Avengers and others..." Fury's gaze scanned around the table before he nodded. "Someone must be harbouring him and I want that son of a bitch found."

"What idiot would harbour Loki?" Banner sighed, playing with a pen.

"Someone who obviously isn't on our side." Steve shook his head.

"We've scanned the entire area and he hasn't shown up, since the supermarket he's disappeared." Phil's face seemed ghostly and his voice was monotone.

"Maiden, how did Loki disappear? He has no magic." Thor's gaze fell on me.

"He touched my arm and he turned blue," I shrugged.

"He can draw magic from you," Thor sighed. "It gets worse. Loki now has magic."

No. No he hadn't. Loki didn't and couldn't do that to me. But it all made sense, why he'd touched me and turned blue - he was stealing magic from me. Loki wasn't becoming nice he was being his usual self - manipulative, deceptive and cruel. I can't believe I fell for his act. I swallowed the lump in my throat, nodding. The lying bastard...

"When we find him, what happens if he doesn't come easily?" Johnson slid into a seat near to me.

I gritted my teeth, the snowflakes on my arms turning black with a flicker of red. Not good. Anger and hatred was black. Loki had used me and that pissed me off. But what did my arms going red mean?

The room went quiet. It was the type of tension that appeared when someone had died, or was going to die... Wow, even though he'd annoyed- angered me considerably I didn't want him dead.

"Just say it," I whispered. "You call me a coward but you won't just say it out right when you're going to kill someone in cold blood.

"My brother is dangerous and if he is threatening anyone then he must... The Allfather has declared that if he is a threat he must die." Thor's voice was rough, purple semi-circles underneath his eyes. "He has magic now and he is a threat, Loki cannot be saved."

"What?!" I shot up, glaring at Thor. "He's your brother, you can't kill him."

"It is not my choice," Thor sighed. "He has done many wrongs and has gained many enemies both for Asgard and for Earth, he will never do a great enough deed in order for redemption. Loki is shrouded in darkness and he will always be that way."

I shook my head. "He's. Your. Brother. Does that not mean anything to you anymore?"

"If I didn't know any better I'd think you were defending him." Fury raised an eyebrow.

"No one else is, I believe in a fair trial and you're not giving him that," I snapped.

"You don't get a choice in this, you saw the destruction he's caused, you felt the pain as your paren-"

"Don't bring them into this." The sun disappeared, a large black cloud blocking out the light. "You're mistaking my knowledge of justice for liking him. I don't like Loki but I do know that everyone deserves a fair trial. Captain America stands for justice, the Avengers and S.H.I.E.L.D stand for justice and for doing the right thing and here you all are killing someone so you don't have to deal with the consequences. It's wrong."

Everyone pulled their jackets on tighter around them, the room incredibly cold now. The ice raced in my veins, rushing for my heart - it was going to consume me. If it did that I would never regain control of myself.

"Freya, stop." Phil walked around the table, reaching out to touch my arm.

"Don't, you'll freeze," I whispered.

"Freya, we don't have a choice we have to kill him," Phil spoke softly.

"You didn't kill me," I whispered, the snowflakes disappearing from my arms. I stood up, walking towards the door. "I won't kill him. I will not end Loki's life. I'm not like you and I never will be." I kept walking.

"You're the only one who will be able to kill him," Fury called after me.

"Then I guess Loki's going to live," I answered.

A red shimmer of light blocked the door. Wanda.

I turned around, ready to fight.

Instead Wanda stood by my side, a small smile on her face. "Wait for me."

I nodded, walking with her out of the door.

"Your power grows each day," Wanda whispered. "It's going to consume you eventually and then..."

"And then I won't come back from it - eternal winter," I whispered. "That won't happen though, unless something really traumatic happens, which it won't. I can't imagine being totally emotionless."

Wanda laughed. "I'd miss your sarcasm too much."

"Thanks."

Wanda nodded as we stepped outside. "Any chance you can make the sun come back?"

"For once this time it isn't me, it's Thor," I laughed. "I added some cloud and made it cold, he blocked out the sun."

"I could not kill someone in cold blood," Wanda whispered. "But Loki is dangerous and my experiences with dangerous people has led to many deaths. What is one life compared to hundreds saved?"

"What happens if Loki could save hundreds?" I kicked the gravel under my feet.

Wanda pulled her jacket on tighter. "I can't believe we haven't found him yet. Someone has to be harbouring him."

"But who?" I asked, sitting down on a bench.

"I don't know," Wanda frowned, perching next to me. "If I knew them then they'd be the enemy to me."

I nodded. What if Wanda found out? I'd lose a friend just like that. A simple click of my fingers, that split second decision would cost me everything.

"Loki doesn't have my magic," I whispered.

"What?" Wanda turned her full attention to me.

"I made him disappear, he said something and I sent him somewhere." I shrugged. "I don't know where." Again with the lies.

Wanda nodded. "You don't want to find him, do you?"

"If I kill him the cold will consume me, if I don't kill him the cold will consume me - besides, I don't really have a choice."

I should hand him in. I shouldn't. I should. I shouldn't. It was an endless turmoil in my head. If I handed him in it was like giving him a death sentence. I couldn't do it. And there was another reason, no matter how much I wanted to deny it - he was the one who had made me tap back into my emotions. Loki the God of Mischief and Lies understood me the way no one else did. He'd saved me from the cold. And he trusted me. I couldn't throw that away.


	12. Chapter 12

**Thank you to everyone who has been reviewing and reading, updates are slow I apologise but this story is my number one priority right now! Enjoy! Xx**

The stool I was perched on was squeaky. Linked up to all sorts of medical devices I resembled a Guinea pig in a lab - just with less hair and definitely not as cute. It wasn't fun but it was necessary I guess. If science could understand me then maybe I could understand how to control the cold.

Bruce stood in front of me, writing down my heart rate, temperature and God knows what else. His glasses were halfway down his nose and his brown mop fell into his eyes.

"How do you normally control your powers?" Bruce asked, looking up at me from his paperwork.

Good question... One of which I didn't know the answer to. "Ummm... I don't normally go near other people." I shrugged. "I tried weed once, it wasn't good."

A laugh sounded from behind me before Natasha sat on the counter beside me. "Haven't you tried anything else?"

I shook my head. "Blocking out the emotions usually works for me but killing someone will bring back emotions I don't want and it'll make the ice take over." Besides I'm not killing Loki. How many times would I have to tell them that?

"What happens if the ice does takeover?" Bruce set down his clipboard. Both of them looked at me, awaiting the answer.

"Then it will be an eternal winter -" I shuddered " - And I'll never come back. I'll be emotionless and kill anything that threatens me - it'll be like Elsa meets Hulk."

Bruce nodded. "I don't like Loki but I don't want him dead either."

"Neither do I," Natasha nodded.

"But..." I sighed.

"He's dangerous, Freya," Bruce whispered. "You can't let someone like him walk around free, he's like a ticking time bomb."

"So you want him to rot in a cell for the rest of his life?" I pushed my hair out of my face, looking out of the window.

"He can't hurt anyone if he's in a cell," Natasha mumbled.

The words echoed with me too. I couldn't hurt anyone if I was in a cell. "So you'd lock me in a cell too if I was too dangerous?"

Natasha shook her head. "No, you know that's not-"

"-What you mean? I'm exactly the same as him but you're treating him differently." I shook my head, standing up and pulling away the wires from my skin. "I can't be helped, I don't see why you're trying. I'm only here to kill Loki and I won't, so I'm not coming back. I'm sorry." I turned on my heel and walked out of the room.

"And where are you going?" Stark leant against the corridor wall.

"Home," I answered, walking past him.

He grabbed my arm, pulling me back. "So you're just going to let Loki walk away."

"No, I'm going to do the right thing." I pulled my arm out of his grasp and walked towards the stairs.

"You have the chance to avenge Phil's death, your parent's death and you're just going to walk away from that?" Stark shook his head as I turned to look at him. "You're doing wrong, Swinton."

"Do not take another step, agent." Fury stepped out of a nearby room.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Or what?"

"Freya, don't be like this, please." Phil appeared by Fury's side.

"I'm not hunting someone who needs to be helped." My brown hair covered my eyes as I looked down at my shoes.

"He's not a puppy for god's sake," Stark snapped.

"And you're not a bloody princess who always gets her own way!" I clenched my fists at my sides. Mist swirled across the room, wrapping around Stark's legs. "Now, please leave me alone."

"Leave you alone? You're the only hope we have of stopping Loki. Miss Swinton if I could let you go I would, but you know I can't." Fury's gaze had softened but his voice still resembled iron.

"You don't need me," I whispered. "I'm dangerous."

The lights above me flickered. The temperature had already dropped.

I turned on my heel, walking away from Stark and the others. The glint of the building seemed too bright. The shuffle of shoes was too loud. It was all too much. I was going to lose it again.

"Freya, don't let it consume you, make you into a monster." That was Johnson's voice.

I snapped my head around, glaring at him. Ice rose swiftly from the floor and pinned him to the wall. "And you'd know all about monsters, wouldn't you? The creatures that hide in the darkness, under your bed. Well I hope this doesn't come as a surprise but monsters don't live under the bed, Johnson, they're all around you - out in the daylight, standing right in front of you."

Johnson struggled against the crystalline structure, holding my glare. "Look I'm sorry if I upset you last night, I-"

"Upset me?" I pushed the ice further into him. "You called me a monster. Do you have any idea what that feels like? To be labelled, hell, to even be labelled at all?"

Fury stepped forward. "Swinton, st-"

"Shut up," I snapped, holding up a hand.

"I'm sorry, Freya, I really am." Johnson stopped struggling. He just stayed perfectly still - pinned to the wall like a piece of horrific art. The ice started to melt - tiny droplets rushing down to greet the floor.

"Sorry won't take back what you said, though. It won't undo what you've done." I stepped away from him, putting my hands in my pockets. The saying applied to me, to him, to Loki and to everyone. My hair fell into my eyes as I shook my head, walking away.

"You can't just walk away after doing that." Stark. He just kept on yelling.

I kept walking, ignoring him.

"You're a coward. You know it wouldn't surprise me if you were the one who's harbouring Loki!" Stark snapped.

That was it. My green eyes met his blue ones. I lunged at him. Our bodies collided with a snap before we both toppled over the railing towards the lobby floor.

"Enough!"

Red light hovered around the both of us. Wanda. Oops.

We hovered to the floor. I instantly stood up along with Stark. He stood glaring up at me.

"What are you going to do?" He sneered. "Freeze my heart?"

"I can't freeze what is already frozen," I snapped back.

Footsteps sounded down the stairs.

"At least I have someone who loves me, even if I do have a frozen heart. You'll always be alone."

"CRACK."

My fist throbbed. I winced, the pain nothing compared to the feeling of satisfaction from breaking his nose. What? He deserved it.

"Not so iron now, iron man." I stepped away from him, pushing my hair out of my face.

"Get out now, Swinton!" Fury's glare made me shiver. Phil stood by his side looking sad. I'd done it this time.

I nodded, walking towards the crowd that had gathered. They parted to let me through.

I caught Wanda's gaze. "Thank you."

She nodded, pushing a lock of brown hair behind her ear.

The sun greeted my skin as I stepped outside, taking a deep breath. Now I just had to deal with Mischief, the magic thief. I suppose he'd be proud of that title.

I slammed the front door behind me. My shoes struck the floorboards before I was standing in front of Loki. "You stole my magic."

Loki frowned, sitting up straighter. "I beg your pardon?"

"Thor told me what happens when you touch me - you absorbed my magic," I snapped. "You lied to me this whole time! I mean I don't know why I didn't expect any less but still!"

Loki's gaze soon towered above me as he stood. "I never absorbed your-"

"Don't lie to me, I'm not in the mood." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"When I touch you, your magic is not absorbed but the magic trapped inside you awakens mine." He mimicked my stand, his eyes flaring with anger. "Look-" Loki reached out and touched my cheek with his fingers. Blue quickly spread up his arm. "-If I were draining you of your magic: One, I would have killed you for it the instant we met. Two, you would feel tired after I drained you. And three, I would not still be here if I had the magic to leave Midgard." His red eyes watched me - waiting for my answer.

My cheek felt cold as I moved away from his touch. "So if you got your magic back right this second, you'd leave me? Just like that, poof."

Loki raked a hand through his hair. "Not now, I have changed, Midgardian."

I watched the God. His evenly spaced breaths. The way he held himself - tall and rigid. His eyes stared back down at mine. He wasn't lying, but I had to be sure, he was the God of Mischief and Lies.

"You are still unsure as to whether I am telling the truth, are you not?" Loki caught my chin in between his finger and thumb.

I nodded in his grasp. Small sparks of electricity fluttered from where he touched. My heart started to race in my chest, yet some small inconsequential part of my brain was screaming dangerous. I smiled because over that voice of reason another voice was screaming louder; but it's voice was muffled and I wasn't sure what it was trying to tell me but I knew it was good. "Why wouldn't you steal my magic?" I finally asked.

Loki smirked. "Do tell me why I would misuse the trust of my only friend? Why would I betray the only person on Midgard who shows me sympathy, who has showed me mercy - even after I broke your garden shed." Loki raised an eyebrow.

I laughed. "You make a valid point, Mischief. I'm sorry."

Loki shook his head, letting go of my chin. "It is I who I am sorry, I am sorry you still think so little of me, Midgardian."

"It's not that, it's not you-"

"It is not you, it is me?" Loki laughed. "The television programmes on Midgard seem to adore that particular line."

"Yeah well, half of the time it's because it's right." I shrugged, grabbing my truck keys. "Get your cap on we're going out."

Loki reached over for his hat, placing it on on top of his head. "Where are we going, Midgardian?"

"I need some fun, you need some fun. We're going to one of my favourite places - the theme park." Loki's coat was heavy in my hand as I chucked it to him. "Come on."

Loki followed me quickly to the truck where we both shuffled in and buckled up. "Ready?"

Loki nodded, hitting the radio. Surprising that my truck actually has one, right?

Nicki Minaj's powerful vocals filled the car as I pulled off of the drive onto the road. I hit my indicator turning onto the main road.

" _Yo, ayo tonight is the night that I'ma get twisted_

 _Myx Moscato and vodka, I'ma mix it_

 _Roll that spaceship, we about to get lifted_

 _Live in the present, that gift is for the gifted_

 _This what you came, this what you came for_

 _You get what you buy, this what you paid for_

 _So make sure the stars is what you aim for_

 _Make mistakes though."_

Loki sat silently, watching the world pass by. The sky was changing from a dazzling blue to a gentle orange - the sun gradually setting. A tunnel loomed in front of us. The road was empty.

I reached up and opened the sun roof. "Stand up and lean out of the roof, Mischief."

"Why?" Loki's starling blue eyes analysed me.

"Just do it." I returned my hand to the steering wheel feeling like I was advertising Nike.

The God groaned before standing up. The sky disappeared. Loki's legs tensed underneath his jeans. He shuddered before he let go of the roof.

 _"I never worry, life is a journey_

 _I just wanna enjoy the ride_

 _What is the hurry? It's pretty early_

 _It's ok, we'll take our time."_

"I'm king of the world!" Loki yelled, his gritty voice echoing through out the tunnel.

I glanced upwards. Loki's hair flew out behind him, his arms held out by his sides. He looked like a marble effigy of Jesus, just without the beard. A large smirk plastered across his face as I accelerated. The truck growled

Loki's laugh bounced from the walls before it settled next to my ear. Warm breath rushed across my cheek. He'd sat back down.

" _The night is still young_

 _The night is still young_

 _The night is still young_

 _And so are we_

 _The night is still young (How dare we sit quietly)_

 _The night is still young (And watch the world pass us by)_

 _The night is still young (How dare we sit quietly)_

 _So are we."_

"You do it, Midgardian." Loki put one hand on the steering wheel.

"Who's going to drive?" I laughed, quickly glancing at God. The God couldn't be serious about this, right? He'd never driven before.

"I shall take the wheel, I have watched you enough to know what to do." Loki edged closer to me, his body heat touching my leg.

"You're being serious, aren't you?" I raised an eyebrow.

Loki's raven locks fell forward from behind his ear. "Yes, Midgardian. Now crawl over me and stand up - it feels like you are invincible when you are up there."

I nod, pushing my hair out of my face. "I don't want-"

"Believe me you do, Earthling." Loki's foot took over mine on the accelerator. "Please just try it."

"Seen as though you said please." I shuffled across his lap, quickly standing up. Air instantly whipped my face. The roar of the car filled the tunnel. This was terrifying and exhilarating all at the same time.

" _Ayo, drinks on you or the drinks is on me_

 _We ain't going nowhere like tanks is on E_

 _We still getting money, what bank it's gon' be?_

 _If he's sexy, he plankin' on me_

 _So where them big boys with all of that?_

 _Hey! Tell the bartender, say my order back_

 _Hey! It's bottle service, he ordered that_

 _Hey! Might let him take it home and slaughter that_

 _He got friends for all of my friends_

 _They ain't leavin' til we say when_

 _And we gonna hangover the next day_

 _But we will remember this day_

 _So drop the pop and get low_

 _Or we can drop the top and just cruise_

 _We fresh to death, down to the shoes_

 _My only motto in life is don't lose."_

My legs hit the back of the sun roof. Loki had accelerated.

"You are a queen!" Loki called up from the cab.

I gripped the roof tighter. "I'm on top of the world!" My voice was shaky and my knuckles white.

An elbow hit my shin. "Let go, Freya."

I glanced down at Loki. "But what if I fall?"

"Then I will catch you." Loki's blue eyes looked up to meet mine. "But, I know you will not fall, trust me just this once, Freya."

The car swerved slightly.

"Watch the road!" I laughed before raising my arms above my head. They shook slightly. My heart hammered in my chest. I stood up straighter, watching the road rush underneath the car.

 _"I never worry, life is a journey_

 _I just wanna enjoy the ride_

 _What is the hurry? It's pretty early_

 _It's ok, we'll take our time."_

I let a smirk spread across my face. Snow fell from the top of the tunnel, glistening in the lights. Ice flew from my fingertips in different colours decorating the air behind me. So this is what it is like to live, to not let the world pass me by. My heart still raced but I wasn't scared anymore. I let my arms soar. This was amazing!

" _The night is still young_

 _The night is still young_

 _The night is still young_

 _And so are we_

 _The night is still young (How dare we sit quietly)_

 _The night is still young (And watch the world pass us by)_

 _The night is still young (How dare we sit quietly)_

 _So are we."_

"You are truly magnificent!" Loki called.

I looked down to the front of the truck. I twisted a wrist. Ice rose in front of the car before attaching to the bonnet. It spread out in front of the car into eight, unmoving figures - reindeers. They all stood majestic in the dim light, antlers reflecting my face.

"The Midgardian legend of Saint Nicolas, yes?" Loki didn't look up this time, his eyes on the reindeer in front of the truck.

"Yes," I answered. "Now watch." I clicked my fingers.

The reindeers sprang into life, running in front of the truck. Their powerful legs pulled the car forward, their hooves thudding against the road.

" _We're just gettin' started, yeah, yeah_

 _We're just gettin' started, yeah, yeah_

 _Can't you see the night's still early_

 _And we gon' get it wild and crazy."_

The end of the tunnel grew nearer. The reindeers ran to the sides of the truck in pairs before disappearing in a display of coloured snowflakes. I rested on the roof, closing my eyes and feeling the wind against my cheeks. This was amazing.

I settled down next to the God. "My turn to drive." I crawled over him quickly and took the accelerator and the wheel.

" _The night is still young_

 _The night is still young_

 _The night is still young_

 _And so are we_

 _The night is still young (How dare we sit quietly)_

 _The night is still young (And watch the world pass us by)_

 _The night is still young (How dare we sit quietly)_

 _So are we._

 _(How dare we sit quietly)_

 _(And watch the world pass us by)_

 _(How dare we sit quietly)_

 _(And watch the world pass us by)."_

"That was brilliant," Loki sighed, his hair a mess. A good looking mess though. Wait, what?!

"Yes, yes it was." I smiled and this time I meant it. The happiness radiated through out my body and I felt... Alive. For the first time in a long time I felt infinite. Invincible. All because of Loki.

I glanced at him. I met blue eyes. This time they weren't cold, they were warm. Loki was already looking at me, the sun highlighting his raised cheekbones and making his eyes sparkle. I looked away, goosebumps raising on my arms. What was he doing to me?

"It is never too late to thaw a frozen heart..." Loki whispered. But who was he talking about - himself or me?

 **Thank you for reading and please review if you have time xx**


	13. Chapter 13

My legs shook slightly after the sixth roller coaster cart pulled into the station. I clambered out, spectacularly tripping over my own foot before I stumbled onto the platform. But Loki, a God, elegantly stepped out of the cart and walked by my side out of the attraction. He kept his head high and his posture rigid like that of a prize stallion.

A single drop of water slid down his nose as he raised an eyebrow at me. "You told me that the ride did not involve water -" Loki glared at me. "- You lied, Midgardian."

"Careful you almost sounded impressed," I laughed, shaking my head so more water would spray onto the God.

"Will you stop that?" Loki laughed. "You are quite possibly the most annoying creature in existence."

"Right back at you, buddy." I looked back at the God. No hat. Shit. Why hadn't I realised sooner? "Where's your hat?"

Loki's pale hand ran through his hair. "I must have lost it on the last ride."

I rolled my eyes, punching him in the arm. "You're such an idiot."

"Idiot, hmmm? I am not devoid of intellect, Midgardian." Loki wound an arm around my shoulders. His breath rushed across my ear. I shivered. "You however Midgardian, your intellect is questionable. Especially your attempts at saving me."

I elbowed him in the ribs, running away from him.

The God's laugh echoed around the park before rapid footsteps followed me. Wow.

My chest heaved. I stopped running. Loki was nowhere in sight. Oh god. I was having the mini heart attack you normally get when you drop your phone. I'd lost a six foot something man who stuck out worse than a sore thumb. What was I thinking? And there was my answer: I hadn't been. Stupid. Stupid. Stupid. I'm an idiot.

"Boo." Arms wrapped around my waist.

On instinct I kicked out, thrashing around in their arms. "You cannot evade me, Midgardian."

"No!" I yelped, escaping the God's grasp. My hair covered my face as I tried to run.

Loki chuckled, grabbing my waist and pulling me into the photo booth. "I do not see why you even tried to escape me, Earthling."

"You're so full of yourself, Mischief." I had to crane my neck to look at him. Loki had me pinned to the wall, his hands holding my wrists in place. Electricity sparked where he touched. And keep breathing, Freya.

"Quick, someone call the police it's the man they were showing on the news!"

Blue eyes met mine at the exact moment I looked up. No, not now!

"Run," I hissed, struggling against him.

"I have a better idea, Midgardian."

"Your idea last time nearly ended with a bullet in my head." I glared up at him.

"Just give me your gun."

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes."

"N-O spells no, Loki," I huffed.

"Then you leave me no choice, Earthling."

The gun was out of my pocket before I could protest again. "Put your hood up."

"Please?" I mumbled.

"Just do it."

"Now you're advertising Nike," I muttered, rolling my eyes.

"Your mortal references are wasted on me."

"What's your plan?" I asked, pulling my hood over my head.

"You, dear Midgardian are my hostage." Loki stepped to the side, allowing me to pass.

"Right." I rolled my eyes, raising my hands. "Do tell me how this is actually going to work?"

All eyes landed on us as we exited the booth. A small crowd had gathered outside - children in their summer clothes and adults wearing loud shirts and khaki shorts. The setting sun beat down on us. A small bead of sweat trailed down my neck.

"You are right, this will not work..." Loki whispered in my ear. "There are too many of them."

"I could have told you that," I snapped.

"Magic. Our only option is magic."

A tourist stepped forward. "Let her go!" His children held out their arms as he moved away from them. What was he doing?

"I admire your bravery, Midgardian but I must also laugh at your idiocy." Loki's arm weaved around my neck and pulled me against him. His arm rested on my shoulder, the gun aimed at the tourist. "I will admit I do not fully understand how to use this metallic contraption of Midgard, but I am assuming you simply pull the trigger. Yes?"

I could feel the radiation of his smirk on the back of my neck. Who needs sun beds... "Loki, don't please." He was far too unpredictable.

"Or perhaps I will save the one bullet for this Midgardian." The cool metal of the gun touched my temple. "But there are children around so I will take my business elsewhere." He dropped his voice. "Now."

I closed my eyes. Poof.

The truck shook at it's sudden contents. Wow, that had been a pretty good aim. I expected my magic to put us on the roof, not inside the cab.

I pulled out my keys, slamming them into the ignition. "Oh god... They saw you... And me. Right back home and a rethink and everything will be fine."

"Freya, your gun." Loki held the weapon between his finger and thumb as if it were a dirty nappy.

"Put it in the dashboard for now." I pointed, reversing out of the car park and accelerating towards the exit. "Now lie down on the seat, I have to get us home."

Loki did as I said, placing his head on my thigh. Sweat coated my palms as I turned the wheel exiting the park.

"It is bad, is it not?" Loki whispered, his eyes not leaving the dashboard in front of him.

"I don't know, Loki, I really don't know..." I put the pedal to the floor, trying to get my heap of junk to go faster.

My phone vibrated against my leg as I hit the main road. I pulled it out of my pocket, driving with one hand. Bad I know, but I'm a woman, I could multitask. "Hello?"

"Hey Freya, it's Phil I know you unofficially left S.H.I.E.L.D today but I need you to know that Loki had been spotted." I knew he would call. No matter what I did Phil would always be there to check up on me.

I gripped the steering wheel tighter. "Where?"

"You know that old theme park I used to take you to as a kid?" His voice seemed tired and the static on the line told me I was on loud speaker.

"Adventure land?"

"Yeah that's the place. I'm going to come and pick you up from your house in ten." Chairs shuffled in the background.

"No don't, I can handle myself as long as I stay inside. You stay where you're needed." I hit my indicator, turning into my road.

"Freya?" Phil's tone got louder, his voice angry but I knew it wasn't with me, not yet.

"Yes?" I asked.

"He has a hostage."

"Are they okay?" I couldn't tell him I knew the gender of the hostage, that I knew them. Hell, that I was them!

"He grabbed her and wrestled her into a photo booth. I wouldn't have asked you to come back after yesterday but she's innocent Freya, she's young like you. We can't let him kill her." Phil was pleading with me. He was worried.

"I'll be in as soon as I can." I hung up then, chucking the phone to the floor. "God dammit Phil Coulson you could be a cellist the way you play heart strings."

"You should go back, but change your clothes first, Midgardian." Loki didn't move as he spoke, his voice barely audible.

"I know," I mumbled, turning onto my drive.

The house fell into darkness as I turned off the headlights. "Let's move out." I grabbed my phone from the floor, exiting the truck.

Floorboards creaked as the both of us entered the hallway. The house was cold and eery. It didn't seem like home anymore. It was empty.

Loki stood silently by my side.

"Why are you so quiet all of a sudden?" I asked, shrugging off my hoodie.

"Is one not allowed to have a moment to think?" Loki snapped.

"Calm down, don't take it out on me that this is all going tits up," I argued back.

"Take it out on you? Do you even know the reason for my anger?" Loki stood taller, his pale fists clenched by his sides. "Do you even know why I am mad at you?"

My fists clenched by my sides too. "I don't know what you're so mad about if you don't tell me."

Loki stepped away from me, heading towards the door. "I do not have to tell you anything!"

"I don't know what you're thinking, what you're feeling, what you're scared of right now because you won't say anything, Loki -" I grabbed his arm, making him face me. "-God dammit, look at me when I'm yelling at you."

"You, a foolish Midgaridan, want to know what I am scared of? What I am mad about?" Loki stepped closer to me, taking a hold of my arm and pulling it away from me. "I am mad because I do not understand what you have done to me. I do not understand the effect you have on me - how you make me realise that I have a sense of morality and that I can be good. And as for my fears... I am scared to touch you, to even look at you because of who I am and who you are not. I do not want to poison that delicate mind of yours. I do not want to taint your brilliant powers. I cannot stand the thought that a monster such as myself could have ever gained the trust of someone like you. I cannot stand the thought that you want to save me." Loki ran a hand through his hair, shaking his head. "You, Freya, the Midgardian who showed me kindness, mercy and forgiveness have made me good. I am angry because of you, you have changed me and in changing me I can no longer kill someone without thinking of the consequences, without ignoring the guilt and that means... I cannot protect you. I want to walk out of your front door and never come back but I know that the moment my foot crosses that threshold I will turn around and come straight back in."

"So what you can't protect me, I can protect myself." I gripped his arm tighter. Loki was not going to leave me now. After all I'd done for him I wasn't doing to let him wander into the open.

"You do not understand, I want to protect you, I could not live with myself if I were to get you killed because of my sins. I cannot lose you - my single light in this world of darkness." Loki slipped his arm from my grasp and took my hand in his.

"Loki-"

He placed a finger over my lips. "No, Freya. You let me in. You helped me. We have gotten close and I... I have feelings for you. You made me care about you in the week I have known you - the way you sing when you think no one is listening, how your eyes sparkle when they catch the light. Everything about you has trapped the God of Mischief and Lies and I cannot escape."

I looked away from his intense blue gaze. "Loki, I-"

"I know you cannot admit it, I know you may never tell me you feel the same way but I needed you to know, Freya." Loki stepped back from me. "From what you have told me I most likely will not make it out of this ordeal alive and I could never spend eternity in Hel knowing I never told you how I truly feel."

"Loki -" I took his face in my hands. "-Just because I don't say it doesn't mean I don't care. I just can't, not yet." I looked away from him, guilt welling in my stomach. "You matter to me, okay?" I bit my lip, meeting his sapphire gaze.

"I understand." He nodded, black hair falling into his eyes.

"But do you?" I ran my hands through my hair, sighing. "Ever since my parents died I shut out my emotions and I haven't made contact with them in a while, until now. And when I feel, I'm dangerous - deadly - and I can't put someone in a situation where they could die so I push them away. Hell, I'm pushing you away now.

"Before you turned up my life was a routine: get up, go to work, come home, sleep. And then that all changed and you waltzed into my life - you changed everything. You made me confront everything I'd been hiding from for so long. Now... Now, I don't know what to do. I know what I want to say, what I should say but I can't condemn you by saying it. I can't get attached and then lose you. That's what scares me - losing people. I don't want to make a choice and then regret it. I've lost too much already..." My voice broke off. The tears on my cheeks were cold as they rushed down my cheeks. I hugged myself, trying to keep myself together, to not fall apart. I shuddered, the sobs raking through me. I guess after being for so long people fall apart eventually. No matter how much duct tape you put on it will eventually peel away and break. "I-I'm s-sorry."

Loki's arms wrapped around me. His breath was warm in my hair. His body a safe haven for now. "Midgardian, even if the Allfather grants me access back to Asgard I would never leave you. And as for my death - I am a God. I cannot die, you would do well to remember that."

I nodded, pulling him closer by his shirt. "And we're back to that again."

"To what?"

"Mischief, you do pick your moments rather exquisitely," I mumbled against his chest.

"As do you," Loki chuckled. "You choose now of all moments to hug me, Midgardian."

"No," I croaked. "You hugged me first, Mischief."

His sigh through my hair caused goosebumps to spread across my arms and the hairs on the nape of my neck to stand. "Loki?"

The God pulled away from me, holding the tops of my arms. "Yes, Midgardian?"

"I'm going to get you out of this alive, I promise." I held his gaze, my voice strong and steady.

Loki nodded, his marble jaw tense. "And there is the proof of your idiocy, you are saving what has already been lost. However, I shall not try to change your mind it is your choice now but do not be surprised when I interfere in your fate."

"Interfere in my fate?" I tilted my head to the side.

"If you are heading for your own self destruction you will leave me no choice but to save you, Midgardian." Loki narrowed his eyes, holding my gaze.

I frowned. "That's not-"

"Ahh shhh Midgardian, at least let me be the hero for once in my life, let me see what my idiotic brother boasts about when he saves the day," Loki laughed, his signature smirk dazzling me. Six feet something tall with raven black hair the God of Mischief towered over me. Ice blue eyes drunk me in like I was an exquisite wine. He had no armour on, no horned helmet but just being in Loki's presence you could tell he was a God.

I smirked back at him, remembering my own words from the other day. "In a way me and you are practically the same: shattered beyond repair and unwilling to let anyone in, you know that right?"

Loki's hands fell from my sides, his blue gaze never leaving mine. "And here I was thinking no one would ever understand me through out the universe. Yet you are standing here in front of me doing just that, Midgardian. You have broken down what I thought to be an impenetrable barrier."

"Jinx," I whispered so he couldn't hear me. The person I least expected to be my saviour was standing right in front of me and I wasn't letting him go. No matter how much he wanted me to.

 **Happy New Year! Thank you for reading! Please review if you have time xx**


	14. Chapter 14

I pulled the shirt down over my head, walking out of my bedroom into the living room. It was a classic band logo t-shirt displaying the emblem of Fall Out Boy.

The television caught my attention first. Loki's blue eyes glared at me from the screen. He looked dangerous as he held the hostage close to him, gun pointed at a tourist. Oh my god. The hostage struggled against him, only her mouth visible under the hood as she muttered something. The gun moved, pressing against the hostage's head. Loki smirked, whispering in their ear. It looked as if he were threatening them, whispering dark tales of how they would die for a better cause.

The channel changed. It changed again. All over the news. Loki was terrorising someone. But there was no clear shot of the hostage's face.

Every damn channel. Everywhere. Loki's face was everywhere along with a blurred image of me. 'Horned devil comes back to finish off mankind'. 'Loki is back, but with what army?' 'Poor girl trapped in the arms of The agent of chaos'. 'Where were the Avengers?'

Every news station and every channel was on red alert to find the mystery hostage - to save her life. To save me. Oh no...

Zeus squirmed in Loki's arms as the news headline finished. "What are we to do, Midgardian?"

Loki's hand was cold in my own. "I'm going to go to the meeting, officially quit and then we're going to run away. Leave this house. Leave this place. And they'll never find you. They'll never find me. I'll leave a note or something so Phil won't come looking for me."

Loki hugged Zeus closer. "A life of running? Is that what you want for yourself?"

No, god no. Who would want a life like that? Who would want to be constantly looking over their shoulder every time they go out? Who would want to use burner phones every time they wanted to call someone? Running from the Avengers and the entirety of the S.H.I.E.L.D for the rest of my life was not on my bucket list that's for sure. But it's definitely better than the other option - killing you. And then living with that immovable weight on my shoulders that I already have. Nope, killing the God of Mischief was not on my bucket list either.

I sighed, inner monologue finished. "Just be ready when I come back, Mischief." I let go of his hand.

"And how far do you suppose we will get before they realise that you are in league with the devil?" Loki was speaking as if the words were poison to him. A frown had appeared on his face, and he was bordering towards his 'angry, seething' voice. His hair hung in his eyes as he perched on the sofa, clenching his knuckles. He didn't resemble the man who had been on the television, not right now. Right now he looked torn. But between what?

I grabbed my truck keys. "You're not the devil and they won't realise until it's too late." I headed for the door, shrugging into my leather jacket. It smelled of him now - leather and the foreign smell he always had which I could never pin point what it was.

"Freya, wait... Please."

Maybe it was the desperation in his voice - the way it sounded strained - or maybe it was because he said 'please' which was odd.

My shoes squeaked on the floorboards as I stopped. "What?" My hair hung in my eyes as I stared at my shoes. Anything to not look at him right now.

Zeus meowed probably because Loki had put him down. The floorboards groaned under slow, even footsteps. "What you are about to do could quite possibly ruin your life. Thank you, Freya."

"You're thanking me for ruining my life?" I laughed, turning around. The sound resonated through the house, each time the echo sounded more tense than the original.

"No quite the opposite, I am thanking you for being the only person who has given me a second chance." Loki scratched the back of his neck, watching me.

"Chances..." I shrugged. "Everyone deserves one even you, Mischief."

Lips parted to reveal white teeth. Loki's smirk widened. "You should go and see if the Avengers think that, Midgardian."

I sped up. I hated having time alone with my thoughts it was eery. So many questions rampaged around in my head. 'What would Phil do when he found out what I was doing?'

My stomach lurched. The thought made me feel sick. I was harbouring the person who had killed my uncle. What's to say he wouldn't kill someone again? Kill Phil again?

I shook my head, the truck grumbling as I forced it to hit 60.

And then there was that one question which I kept pushing to the side and it kept pushing back to the forefront of my mind. 'Had I fallen for the God of Mischief and Lies?' Saying it out loud seemed ridiculous. After all he'd done, who he'd killed... I was supposed to hate him. The minute I saw him I was supposed to throw his sorry arse in jail. But no, me - the stereotype breaker - had gone against everything I'd ever been taught and helped him. Ugh. I was in too deep now. How the hell I was supposed to get out of this mess I didn't know.

I was nearly at the S.H.I.E.L.D bade when my phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Frey, what the hell are you doing?" Emily, my brother's wife. She sounded angry and flustered - not a good combination for her.

"I'm driving to S.H.I.E.L.D to quit and then I'm living my own life," I answered, pulling into S.H.I.E.L.D headquarters. "Why?"

"What you're doing is treason, hell you're signing your own death sentence," Emily hissed.

I stayed quiet, putting the truck into a car parking space.

"Freya, I know you're trying to do the right thing, undo what you've done already by doing a greater deed but you need to hand Loki in. Where's the proof that he's not manipulating you now, using you so he can survive? Freya once he's done with you he'll throw you by the wayside and go back to his old ways. Please think about this, hand him in."

"And then when they ask him where the hostage is what will he tell them? That she's fine? That she's me?" I whispered, reaching for the dashboard and getting out my gun. "I can't tell them the truth. I'm sorry Emily, I love you."

Emily sighed before she spoke "I love you too buddy, I'll visit you in prison."

I laughed despite the circumstances. "I'll keep an eye out for you, Em."

White noise filled my ear. The gun felt heavy in my pocket. I'd just lost one person I'd cared about. Emily... She'd warned me. She'd tried to held me both the truth was I knew exactly what I was doing.

The truck idled for a few minutes before falling quiet. This was it - it was time to walk into the lion's den. No going back now...

The door shut softly behind me as I trudged into the meeting. All eyes glanced up before settling back on the TV.

"Where have you been?" Phil asked, walking up to me and hugging me. The smell of coffee greeted my nose. Classic Coulson.

"Zeus got tangled in my jumper I had to sort him out," I laughed. I was sitting on a throne of lies right now.

We both sat down, the table falling quiet. Everyone looked ragged and tired. So this was the effect Loki had on other people... It wasn't just me.

"My brother has not changed," Thor sighed. "The girl is probably dead by now." His plaits were lose and his shoulders sagged. Loki, his brother, was causing havoc again and no matter how hard Thor tried not to care he couldn't. They needed each other whether either of them would admit that or not.

"We have agents searching everywhere for her." Fury stood at the front of the table, leaning on the glass with his hands.

"Each squad has a sniper with them to take him out." Hawkeye sat playing with an arrow. "Man I hope I find him first to stick an arrow in him." I guess I would have the same thought process if Loki had mind controlled me...

"Take him out?" I muttered.

"Shoot him through the heart, if he has one." Stark caught my gaze, grimacing before he held up his hands in surrender. "I know what you're going to say, but we don't have a choice now. After you left we did decide to just keep him in a cell but now... He's taken himself into a whole different ball game. Phil told me everything about what's happened to you and well... I'm sorry. I guess I wanted to someone to yell at for Loki coming back and I chose you and I'm sorry I did."

I've takenLoki into a whole different ball game. Wow... What had I been thinking? And The Tony Stark had apologised - to me. Things were taking a drastic turn.

"It's okay, Stark." I nodded. "I've been meaning to do this for a while and what with everything going on I haven't had the time but now... I quit." I stood up, tucking a lock of my hair behind my ear. "Okay? I'm not helping you, I'm leaving." The chair staggered backwards and fell. "I'm not condemning a man to death without a trial. I can feel the ice in my veins every time I wake up. It makes a constant beeline towards my heart and each time it does it nearly hits it. Being a part of S.H.I.E.L.D has been the best thing to have happened me and I'll never forget it but right now... It's the worst thing for me. I have to get control and that means I have to leave."

"He has a hostage!" Fury shouted.

"He has leverage so you'll pause before you kill him, don't you think he knows what you're going to do?" I snapped. "Loki knows how to play games, he knows how manipulate others. He's not stupid. He doesn't need brute force to win a fight."

Fury stood up straighter, keeping my gaze. "If you walk-"

"Don't bribe me, don't give the spiel how if someone dies it's my fault. I'm leaving S.H.I.E.L.D for good, and I am never coming back." I kept my head high as I walked towards the door. The handle was cold against my skin as I turned it.

"She's right you know..." Phil sighed.

I nodded, before exiting the room. I'd finally done it - I'd left S.H.I.E.L.D. Why didn't it feel as if a weight had been lifted then?

I'd been home for two hours now. A large map of America sprawled out on the desk in front of me with varying sharpie lines decorating it. So far I had six different plans. They'd started off as A, B, C and then I'd gotten bored... So the other three became: Mission Impossible, 007 and... Oh Shit. The last one was only for if all of the others failed - I'm not sure whether you can work that out... Hopefully none of the others would fail because my last plan wasn't exactly the best. It consisted of moving to near to the Mexican border and me getting a job in Nandos... Some perks I guess but not really the right job for my skill set.

The radio hummed in the living room, increasing in volume. I'm glad Loki had turned it on, it was too quiet in the house.

" _If I got locked away_

 _And we lost it all today..._

 _Tell me honestly..._

 _Would you still love me the same?_

 _If I showed you my flaws_

 _If I couldn't be strong_

 _Tell me honestly_

 _Would you still love me the same?"_

Wow, the irony of the song. Locked Away. Yep, I was definitely borderline on being put in prison. At least there would be new scenery... Did the soap rule still apply in female prisons though?

A cough sounded before Loki appeared in the doorway, blue eyes searching the map before he looked at me. His grey shirt clung to his muscled torso and the jeans hugged his thighs and calf muscles. Maybe my last plan could include him becoming a model... We would earn more money.

" _Right about now..._

 _If a judge for life me..._

 _Would you stay by my side?_

 _Or is ya gonna say good-bye?_

 _Can you tell me right now?_

 _If I couldn't buy you the fancy things in life_

 _Shawty, would it be alright_

 _Come and show me that you are down (ah-ha)."_

R. City and Adam Levine and here I was expecting classical music from the God...

"What are you doing?" I asked, pushing the chair away from my desk.

"I am asking a fine maiden to dance with me." Loki held out his hand, bowing to me. Wow.

"I suppose I could spare you a few minutes of my time..." I took his hand, letting him pull me into hold.

We swayed for a few seconds. My body felt like it was on fire. Everywhere he touched seemed to be ignited. I my head to the side, avoiding his gaze. I couldn't look at him. Not right now. Not with the effect of his body on mine. Good god woman pull yourself together! He's just a man, a good-looking one, but a man all the same. You sound like a soppy chick flick, get a grip!

Warm breath caressed my ear as lips gently brushed the top of my ear. Oh god, there goes my last piece of control... "You have to look at your partner when you dance in Asgard, it is the only way to forget about the others dancing around you. To make it just you and the person you are dancing with."

I turned my head. Loki's blue eyes captured mine. Poof. Any doubts or sense I had left evaporated under his gaze. All of the questions that always popped into my head when I was him disappeared.

We danced slowly, the tension slowly leaving my shoulders. "Ironic song to come on, don't you think?"

Loki's chuckle made me shiver. He seemed to notice because he smirked, yet he didn't say anything about it. "You have quite a sense of humour, Midgardian."

"Oh shut up," I mumbled.

" _Now tell me would you really ride for me? (would you really ride for me?)_

 _Baby, tell me would you die for me? (tell me would you die for me?)_

 _Would you spend your whole life with me? (what's up?)_

 _Would you be there to always hold me down?_

 _Tell me would you really cry for me? (would you really cry for me?)_

 _Baby, don't lie to me (baby, don't lie to me)_

 _If I didn't have anything... (what's up?)_

 _I wanna know would you stick around?"_

"I bet you danced with all sorts of princesses, you had your pick of all of them." Up close his eyes really were beautiful - flecks of green blossomed around the pupil.

Loki snorted, shaking his head. "I was always second choice and then I would only receive the dance because of my heritage."

"Well, I'm dancing with you because I want to - not because of who you are." I smiled up at him.

Loki's chest vibrated as he laughed. "You really do have a fetish for crazy..."

"You know I'm sick of telling you to shut up." I rolled my eyes, standing on his toe on purpose.

The God smirked at me before dropping me backwards. I held my breath as he slowly brought me back up to face him. Second choice... What's that I smell? Bull shit. No way would the women in Asgard want him as second choice surely...

" _If I got locked away_

 _And we lost it all today..._

 _Tell me honestly..._

 _Would you still love me the same?_

 _If I showed you my flaws_

 _If I couldn't be strong_

 _Tell me honestly_

 _Would you still love me the same?"_

After another spin Loki tilted his head. "What did you want to do before the winter took over you? Before everything went wrong?

"I wanted to be like my parents - an agent - fight for justice and all that jazz, but now... Now I don't, now I have no clue what I want to be."

"You are confused?" Loki asked, raising a neat eyebrow. He definitely plucked them.

"No, I'm not confused just undecided at the moment." I nodded.

"The answer will reveal itself eventually -" Loki smirked. "- And if it does not you can always rule by my side. Be my queen. We would be formidable."

"Nope, I'm not being a queen. One, I don't do dresses. Two, sitting on a throne all day would be boring as hell. And three, being your queen would mean a crown with horns and I am definitely not wearing antlers - I'm not a goat, reindeer or moose." I held my head higher, trying desperately not to laugh.

"I am offended by your remark, I do not look like a goat, reindeer or moose when I wear my helmet," Loki muttered, narrowing his eyes. "I look like a God."

" _Skiddly-dong-dong-dong dang_

 _All I want is somebody real who don't need much_

 _A gal I know that I can trust..._

 _To be here when money low_

 _If I did not have nothing else to give but love..._

 _Would that even be enough?_

 _Gal, meh need fi know (ah-ha)."_

"What did you want to be before you decided to become a Diva?" I asked, swaying to the music.

"I always wanted to be an equal to my brother, I wanted to make the Allfather proud but no matter what I did I could never outshine whatever Thor did," Loki sighed, his mouth becoming a straight line. "So I planned to make Thor fall, an oaf could not rule the kingdom and what I did ended up making him a better person and making me... Even more of a monster than I was before hand."

I stepped closer to Loki, shaking to head. "No, you didn't become a monster you just lost your way, Loki."

"You are calling me by my name now?" Loki smiled - no teeth, just an upturning of his lips. There was no cheekiness to the action or any cunning hiding in his eyes.

"That is what it is for, is it not, Midgardian?" I grinned.

Minty breath rushed across my face as Loki laughed. It suited him. I wished he did it more often.

" _Now tell me would you really ride for me? (would you really ride for me?)_

 _Baby, tell me would you die for me? (tell me would you die for me?)_

 _Would you spend your whole life with me? (what's up?)_

 _Would you be there to always hold me down?_

 _Tell me would you really cry for me? (would you really cry for me?)_

 _Baby, don't lie to me (baby, don't lie to me)_

 _If I didn't have anything... (what's up?)_

 _I wanna know would you stick around?"_

"I still can't believe you were second choice..." I mumbled, looking away from him. Zeus sat in the doorway, watching us with his head tilted. I'm sure if cats could smile he would be now. He had shipped us from the start.

"Careful, Midgardian I sense that you were about to compliment me," Loki caught my gaze again, trapping me. His eyes reminded me of the ocean in a tropical environment - pale blue and always calm even if he was angry. I guess that's what made him so scary, even if was shouting his blue eyes remained calm.

"Don't flatter yourself, you're not my type remember?" I laughed, trying -and failing - to look away from him.

"You have met my brother at the S.H.I.E.L.D base, do you find him attractive?" Was that a hint of jealousy in the God's voice. Was Loki Laufeyson jealous? No, who was I kidding? He wasn't jealous.

"Brute force and blonde will never be my go to." I grimaced, then smirked. "But he does have nice muscles..."

A frown appeared across the God's forehead, disrupting his features. He was jealous! Wow, he really did

"Oh really? What is your type then, Midgardian."

"I don't know... Tall and handsome with a hint of crazy," I muttered.

"That is a shame considering I am no longer like crazy but the other two points..." Loki sighed, smirking.

It was my turn to frown. "What are you saying?"

"The minute you walked in you thought I was outrageously good looking, Midgardian. Do not deny yourself the truth."

"No, I thought you were some sort of beat up emo diva who was going to kill me."

"And I thought you were a middle aged woman who had poor dress sense and smelled of cabbages judging by your house decor -" Loki smirked, spinning me around before pulling me close. "- But then you walked in..."

"And?" I squeaked, our bodies completely together now.

Loki shook his head. "My lips are sealed, Midgardian."

" _If I got locked away_

 _And we lost it all today..._

 _Tell me honestly..._

 _Would you still love me the same?_

 _If I showed you my flaws_

 _If I couldn't be strong_

 _Tell me honestly_

 _Would you still love me the same?"_

"Tell me."

Loki's cheek greeted my vision as he turned away from me. "You sound like I did once upon a time in a dungeon when I found out my heritage, Midgardian."

I reached up onto my tiptoes, whispering in his ear. "Please tell me."

He shivered in my arms, like I had when he touched me. "Well, I waited for your boyfriend to follow you in, fiancé perhaps but no one ever came and I made the executive decision I would not kill you. Not until I had figured out why."

"Why what?"

"Why someone like yourself looked like the most miserable person in the world, it intrigued me." Loki looked back at me, eyes searching my face. "Besides I needed food and I do not know how to operate a kitchen and I assumed that you did."

I stood on his toe again, feminism 1 and Loki 0.

" _Tell me, tell me, would you want me? (want me)_

 _Tell me, tell me, would you call me? (call me)_

 _If you knew I wasn't ballin'_

 _'Cause I need a gal who's always by my side..._

 _Tell me, tell me, do you need me? (need me)_

 _Tell me, tell me, do you love me yea?_

 _Or is ya just tryna play me?_

 _'Cause I need a gal to hold me down for life..."_

"You are quite the paradox..." Loki hummed, making us spin. I kept looking into his eyes as he smiled.

He leaned forward ever so slightly. All I could hear was my heart pounding in my ears. I swear it had never beaten this fast before. A small scar decorated the bridge of Loki's nose - I wonder where he'd gotten that from?

His breath fanned across my face. Blue eyes flickered towards my lips. I let out breath before closing my eyes. It was now or never... You only live once right?

The longing, the 'what if' was starting to become unbearable when his lips pressed against mine. The warmth of his mouth on mine, the way his hands had moved to hold my waist it was perfect. I wrapped my arms around his neck, tilting my head to deepen the kiss.

And then Loki pulled away. Unwrapped himself from me and stepped back. His breathing had quickened ever so slightly. Raven locks fell forward, cluttering around his face. His blue eyes watched me for a minute before he sighed.

"What's wrong?" I whispered, the absence of lips and his touch leaving a chill on my skin.

"I... I never thought I would experience something like this," Loki mumbled. "That I deserved something like this after all I have done."

The floorboards creaked slightly as I stepped forward. His cheek was cold against my touch as I smiled up at him. "I've done bad things too Loki, everyone has. You're one of the only people who will admit though."

Loki nodded, his hand touching my cheek. "Perhaps my lips should grace yours again?"

I leaned forward and pressed my lips against his.

" _If I got locked away_

 _And we lost it all today..._

 _Tell me honestly..._

 _Would you still love me the same?_

 _If I showed you my flaws_

 _If I couldn't be strong_

 _Tell me honestly_

 _Would you still love me the same?"_

Everything stopped. Time stopped. The worry stopped.. It was just me and him. Bodies locked together whilst out tongues danced. Everything was spinning yet we were standing perfectly still. I couldn't focus on anything else but the sensation of his lips on mine, how he tasted, how he smelled. I was completely absorbed by Loki. His hair was soft in my hands as I wound it around my fingers, pulling him closer to me. He moaned lightly against my mouth, his fingers finding my belt loops to hold me closer.

Nothing mattered anymore. I had no worries, not right now. All that mattered was Loki. The God of Mischief was in my arms, kissing me. I was in his arms, kissing him. And I didn't care.

" _If I got locked away_

 _And we lost it all today..._

 _Tell me honestly..._

 _Would you still love me the same?_

 _If I showed you my flaws_

 _If I couldn't be strong_

 _Tell me honestly..._

 _Would you still love me the same?_

 _Would you still love me the same?"_

 **Thank you for reading! Please review if you have time xx :)**


	15. Chapter 15

But what if I freeze him?! The thought had been slowly getting louder in my head as I felt the ice rush to my lips. No...

I jumped back from Loki, stumbling away from him. My back hit the wall.

"What is wrong?" Red eyes met mine. The markings on his skin were beautiful - the crown of Ymir decorating his forehead.

"I-I thought I was killing you..." I looked away from him, staring down at my hands. My hands were still blue - snowflakes all over my skin. Damn what was happening to me?

A hand touched under my chin before raising my face. "I am of Jotun blood you cannot kill me." I searched his eyes for the hatred, the repulsion at what I'd changed into. Nothing.

My hand shook slightly before it touched the marks covering Loki's cheeks. He didn't hiss from the cold or pull away - he leaned into my touch. I traced the patterns on his face, admiring the way they looked. It was like a painter's brush had delicately painted the marks of a warrior onto his face. Our skin was the same shade of blue with the same sparkle.

"You will not hurt me," Loki whispered, closing his eyes.

I took my hand away from his face, shaking my head. "I know, but I can't take that chance." I stepped around the God, walking away from him. "Besides my skin has gone all weird."

"I do not think your skin is an oddity, Midgardian. In fact your gift is beautiful. And before you question what I would know of beauty, I can tell you that I have travelled the vast expanse of the universe and nothing I have ever seen compares to the elegance and artistry of the snowflakes that decorate your skin."

I stopped in the doorway, shaking my head. My hair was a mess around my face. "No, no it's not. Towards the end my parents hated it. I hate it. It's what killed my brother. It's what made me shut everyone out so that they would be safe. The ice is getting worse everyday and I know once it hits I won't be able to control it. It will take over me and I won't be able to stop it."

"That is why you are running away. You are trying to run away from yourself."

I stayed in the doorway unable to move. He was right. The God damn man was right.

I heard Loki sigh. "Are you sure there is no cure for the ice?"

"I'm sure," I whispered, trying not to let my voice crack.

"Perhaps you should stop fighting the ice and see what occurs." Loki's voice was quiet but I ignored it. I didn't want to speak to anyone right now.

"I don't know, now get some rest. We leave tomorrow morning." I headed towards my room, trying to banish the ice from my veins. It burned as I forced it to go away.

Another sigh sounded from behind me. "You are pushing me away again, Freya."

I kept walking, resisting the urge to run back to him and tell him everything and admit everything but I couldn't.

* * *

' _I sat alone in the sitting room whilst my parents cooked the Christmas dinner. It was the first Christmas without Karl. The tree still twinkled the same way it always had with its Santa perched on the top like it always had been. The smell of the roast still made my mouth water. But... It didn't feel right. Karl wasn't here to mess around, to shake all of the presents and guess what they were. My parents couldn't even look at me so they'd taken refuge in the kitchen, and then told me to just stay in the living room and they'd call if they needed help. They never did call. I remember just sitting there slowly burying my sadness into a deeper place, trying to ignore it._

 _The scene rapidly changed in my dream. I was in my office, getting ready to leave. My phone vibrated in my pocket._

 _I pressed it to my ear."Hel-"_

 _"Freya, it's mum and dad, we are so sorry about everything, please forgive us we never meant to push you away. Freya, please." My parents. They were in New York. Where the Chitauri were. No._

 _"I never -" A sharp screech sounded before an ear splitting scream rang through the phone._

 _"No!" My dad's voice._

 _A snap._

 _"Dad? Mum?"_

 _I waited. But there was only silence. I waited for an answer for twenty minutes but no voice ever replied. Just the sounds of war - screaming, guns and explosions - rang in my ear._

 _The phone fell from my fingers and hit the floor. My knees hit the floor next. Tears cascaded down my cheeks._

 _The scene changed again: I was running through the streets away from a restaurant. Tears stained my face as I ran, the snow falling in heavy clumps. The lights in the street flickered around me._

 _Karl was running after me, curls being thrown about in the wind. "I didn't mean it like that! Freya please come back, I'm sorry."_

 _I stopped in the middle of the road - the snow storm continued around us, trapping us in a hollow tube. A dress clung to my body as well as a birthday badge. Christmas lights sparkled around us. My birthday was not going according to plan._

 _"Frey, this isn't you - heck, this was never you." Karl stepped closer to me._

 _I stepped back from him. "Don't Karl, I could hurt you."_

 _My brother shook his head, pulling me into a hug. "Everyone you go near you could hurt or you could kill, you're deadly, but you'll always be alone if you don't let someone in. Take that chance. Sis, you're a beautiful kind of dangerous with your powers and keeping it all in, ignoring your feelings - you're destroying yourself. You can't go through this alone anymore. If you're not going to let me in at least let someone else."_

 _I looked up at my brother, shaking my head. "I'm not destroying myself, you don't know what you're talking about! You're not the one who has powers they can't control. Stop trying to understand me when you never will, you're not a know it all!" I pushed my hand against his chest, pushing him away. "I hate you, Karl." If I pushed my brother away then I couldn't hurt him._

 _Karl's eyes locked with mine, a gasp escaping his lips. His breath was white against the night sky. "F-Freya."_

 _Ice spiralled from my fingers across his chest, rapidly spreading across his limbs. It even turned his wedding band white._

 _I yanked my hand away, trying to hold up his freezing body. "Karl, Karl, say something! I don't hate you..."_

 _"I love you, Sis, I always will." Karl smiled, winking at me. His jaw dropped before he groaned - a sound of pain. His skin turned an icy shade of blue and he shone in the dim light of the streets. Karl didn't move, he didn't breath, he didn't do anything he was frozen. Heavy in my arms._

 _The tears fell harder down my cheeks, faster. "No, no, no, no!" I screamed. The snow whirled around us, the street now pitch black. "Karl, come back! I don't hate you, I never hated you. I don't mean it. Come back!" My throat felt like glass had been shoved down it. I didn't stop screaming. Ice spread out from around me covering everything in its path._

 _I wound my arms tighter around him. "Karl, please come back, you're not dead, you can't be dead."_

 _Ice. So much ice. The cold. I couldn't stop shivering. The snow was harder. Red. The ice was turning red, spreading faster than I thought possible. It dropped from my hands the snow greedily absorbing it. It stained my palms. Ice, there was so much...'_

I bolted upright. The room sparkled in the early morning light. Ice covered every surface. A nightmare. The duvet cracked as I shoved it to the side, sitting in the middle of the bed.

I pulled my legs up under my chin and hugged them. Sweat made my clothes cling to my skin. The tears fell easily, dripping down my cheeks in a steady stream. My arms were black and shivers raked through my body relentlessly.

The bedroom door moved. A small figure tiptoed across the ice before jumping onto my bed. Zeus. He rubbed his little head along my leg then onto my hand. I picked him up and cradled him against my chest. "It's happening, Zeus - the ice it's finally winning."

The ice was finally getting to me. When would it stop? More to the point: when would I give in?

* * *

The final box had been loaded into the truck. I walked into the living room, putting my keys into my pocket. Part of me felt bad for not saying goodbye to everyone but the other part said it would be less painful this way. Me knowing it was the last time I would see them and them being totally unaware of it - it would have hurt more. And this way, what with the ice, I would be far away from them when it happened. When the ice took over.

I raked a hand through my hair, searching the house one last time. Zeus was in his cage and ready to go. He kept pacing, eyes watching me. He knew something was wrong too.

"I do not want you to keep hiding me. Where ever I go there is war, ruin and death - I refuse to drag you into my hurricane of chaos." Loki crossed his arms over his chest, his jaw tensing. The icy calm of his eyes disrupted slightly. "My birthright is to die, why not just let it happen sooner rather than later. Why wait for the inevitable, Midgardian?"

"I'm saving you, okay? Now get over yourself your royal highness," I snapped.

Loki stepped towards me, hands shaking ever so slightly by his sides. "Do not speak to me like that, peasant."

"Why do you always act like this towards me, like you're going to kill me and then you stop, and you just look at me. What makes me different from everybody else? I know you're heartless but I know you have a soul, Loki stop trying to fool yourself, fool me. Hell, we kissed yesterday and now you're acting like nothing happened!" I snapped, walking up to him.

"I..." Loki looked away. "Then why do you keep shutting me out? Every time I get close to you, you push me away. You are exactly like my father."

"I haven't kicked you out yet," I snapped.

"I know why you mock me with those words." Loki didn't move. The only tell tale sign of his anger was the leaping pulse in his throat.

"Why? Why do I mock you, my King?" I spat.

"It is because you are scared - you have finally let someone into your life and the ice has gotten worse, your brother was wrong," Loki whispered, his blue eyes wouldn't let me look away, trapping me in his glare. "I understand fear and pain more than others would Freya - each time it strikes it warps someone. Look at the both of us - we are both shattered fragments of fate. We are more alike than we are different, but the things which make us different from each other attract us to each other. I finally accepted that yesterday when I kissed you. All this time I thought myself different from the Allfather... I was wrong. I was more similar to him than I thought I would ever be - all of the decisions I made, I thought at least, were for the good of Asgard but now I am my own person. I have finally made a right decision that is best for me: you. And now, now you are trying to run from something that you can never escape."

"What do you want me to say? That you're right?" My words weren't harsh anymore, just tired.

Loki shook his head, his hand reaching out and touching my cheek. "My dear, I do not want you to say anything I just want you to accept what is happening for yourself. For example this morning, you have contained the emotions your dream brought up and have not spoken to anyone about it since. What you are doing is dangerous."

I leaned into his cheek, closing my eyes. "It's just... It's not easy to talk to other people."

"Believe me I know," Loki whispered. "Now, we must leave if we are to get anywhere by nightfall."

Something pressed against my forehead before disappearing just as quickly as it had appeared - a kiss.

I opened my eyes, catching Loki's gaze. "Do you think your dad will ever let you go home?"

"Never." His words were so sure, so solid I couldn't argue with them.

My hair fell into my eyes as I nodded, stepping away from him. "I just need to do one more check and then we can go."

I stepped into my bedroom for the last time. The books were in the same pile - the ones I had been reading perched on the top. Unread. My bed was neatly made and my bedroom floor clear for once. The ice was gone from this morning. As if nothing had happened. I guess that was the beauty of emotions - you could erase all evidence of them but on the inside you knew they were there tearing you apart, controlling you.

A scream sounded from the living room. It wasn't a scared kind of sound but one of shock. Someone who hadn't expected to find Loki in my living room. Who was it?

A deep throated laugh. Loki.

"What have you done to Freya?!" Wanda. "Bastard, answer me!"

Nothing. Loki kept quiet.

"Where is she?" Wanda's voice was seething.

I watched from the corner of the door, the two standing in the centre of the room glaring at each other.

"I have sent her to do something for me. I have the Earthling under my little finger. She believes everything I have said to her." What was Loki doing?

"You better not have hurt her," Wanda snapped, a ball of red in her hand.

"Hurt her? No, what I have done is of far more value - I showed her who she truly is, I helped her." Loki stepped back, smirking. His arms went out by his sides as he gestured around him. "She finally knows who she truly is."

"You brainwashed her!" Wanda screamed, raising the red ball and throwing it at Loki.

Loki closed his eyes, waiting for it to hit him. Perfectly calm, as always.

"SMASH!"

The ball fell in front of Loki as ice. It's shattered pieces scattered across the floor.

Wanda fell back a step, a gasp escaping her lips. "What?"

I ran out of the bedroom, stopping in front of Loki. "Wanda, stop please." I held my hands up, snowflakes rushing across my skin. "Please, just listen."

"Listen?" Wanda shook her head, her hands glowing red. "You have the enemy in your living room -" Wanda looked like she was going to be physically sick. What would Phil look like when he found out? "- All this time you've been lying to the Avengers, to S.H.I.E.L.D, to me? You were going to leave and hide Loki from us. What do you think Phil is going to say?"

"Wanda please, I can explain." I stepped forward, holding my hands up in surrender. "Just listen to me."

"All this time we were trying to find Loki and he was right under our noses, with _you."_ Wanda's jaw was tense as she took another step back from me.

"And that Midgardians is the beauty of brainwashing - how she is blissfully unaware of the poison in her mind." Loki's voice was dripping with humour. It was razor sharp and cruel. This was the Loki that everyone knew, that everyone expected.

I looked behind me, glaring at Loki. "Will you shut up? You didn't brainwash me for god's sake." I turned my gaze back to Wanda. "Wanda, I promise I can explain everything."

"You speak the words of someone plagued with guilt - you are my enemy now." Wanda's blue eyes hardened with her voice as she stood taller. The ill look she had bared before vanished as her face took on a new look - it was emotionless until I looked into her eyes. They'd turned red, flickering in the morning light, glaring at me. I felt like a knife had just slashed through me. I'd just lost my best friend.

"Midgardian, do not do it." A hand touched my back. "I was wrong." Loki's voice was quiet enough so Wanda wouldn't hear. I did hear it.

I moved away from Loki, shaking my head. I stood straighter - the ice was colder in my veins, moving faster. I could feel the snowflakes appearing on my cheeks turning my entire skin blue. Patches of black appeared on my arms. The temperature of the room dropped.

Wanda's words had made something snap inside me. A new rush of cold consumed me with only one destination. I didn't stop it this time; the anger and the pain were slowly ebbing away - the hole in my chest slowly being filled - by ice. I stepped forward, a ball of ice in my hand. "You can either let us go or face a tragic hero's death." My words left no hint of guilt, no pain or remorse.

Wanda stepped towards me another red ball of light in her hand. "I will never let you leave with _him_ alive."

I let a smirk spread across my face - mocking and cruel. "Then as your enemy I stand against you, Maximoff."


	16. Chapter 16

"Get out now." My voice sounded foreign to me. It was harsher and fierce, the tone of it clipped and commanding. The sensation of power lingering in my limbs made me feel... Nothing. Nothing at all. The ice forced my limbs to move with agile grace.

The God behind me didn't move. His breath had become shallow. "Freya, what have you done?"

Wanda took another step forward, the red ball flaring in her hand. "Move Freya or I will take you out along with him."

"Take me out?" A cruel smirk made its way across my face. "You just said I was your enemy, why are you holding back?" My shoes squeaked slightly on the floor as I stepped closer to her. "You're scared, Wanda." I drew out the vowels in her name, shaking my head. "Fear is what made me stay inside most of my life and it's what's holding you back now."

Wanda kept my gaze, her eyes widening slightly. "I'm not scared of people like you - I'm scared of what he has done to you. I want my friend back."

"He's done nothing, for once." I took another step, ice cracked under my footsteps this time. "Loki Laufeyson is innocent."

The red ball of light in Wanda's flickered before she let it disappear. "You can be saved, he cannot. Let me take him and you may get off lightly. Phil will forgive you I'm sure."

"Lightly? I've been harbouring a criminal for the week. Think about it for a second and get back to me when you have a more sensible answer. I don't see how this ends well." I shook my head, reaching my hand out to touch her cheek. Ice followed my finger across her skin - little snowflakes blossoming against a warm pink.

Wanda hissed, recoiling from my touch. "This isn't you."

"Isn't it?" I watched her expression as I made a dagger the tip elongating into a transparent point. "What part of me is different?" I placed the dagger to her throat. The blade bled slightly against her skin, droplets of water glistening on her skin. "What part of you knows that I won't hesitate to slit your throat?" My breath unsettled her hair, blowing it into her eyes.

"You're my best friend, Freya, I refuse to let him corrupt you like this," Wanda hissed, stopped struggling letting her hands fall down to her sides. "This is Laufeyson's darkness inside of you."

Pain. The dagger shattered on the ground with a screech. A burning sensation spidered up my stomach and forced me backwards. The bitch had hit me with a burst of energy.

Ice spread across the floor, leaping up her legs and holding her in place.

Loki stood frozen, watching the scene in front of him - there was a hint of awe in his eyes but it was over taken by panic.

"Run you fool!" I snapped, raising my hands to hit Wanda with a shot of ice.

A red blast shot across the room towards me.

I held up my hands. A sheet of ice shot up from the floor, stopping the blast of energy. Shards of ice pierced my skin and scattered around onto the floor. The sound it made was like glass hitting the floor.

A small line of red was on Loki's cheek. He was bleeding and he looked worried. "And let you destroy yourself, I think not."

Wanda reached up and pushed her hair out of her face, blocking our exit.

I looked back to Loki. "Looks like I'm going to have to make room for our exit." An ice shard grew from my hand. It was cold against my skin.

"No, do not do it," Loki hissed, his hair falling into his eyes.

I ran at Wanda, pushing her to the side. She struggled with me, punching me in the side before she placed her hands to my temples. I grabbed her wrists, trying to pull her hands away.

"You... I can't believe you kissed him," she gasped, tearing her hands away from my skin. Frost decorated her fingers. She'd gotten inside of my head.

My hands caused frost to spread on her jacket as I pinned her to the wall. "I even asked you nicely to let us leave and you didn't. Not a smart move, witch."

Wanda struggled against me. "Let. Me. Go."

I pressed an arm over her chest, pushing my body against hers. My free hand grabbed her throat. "Shall we try this again?" I leant in closer to her. "Okay, ready? You can either let us go or face a tragic hero's death. Which will it be?" I let the ice spread from my fingers and hit her skin.

Her eyes widened as she fought harder, trying to pry herself out of my grip. "You're hurting me!"

A hand grabbed my shoulder, roughly pulling me away from her.

Wanda fell to the floor, hands rushing to her throat. Her skin held a blue hue. She cowered against the wall, her eyes widened. I'd scared her yet I didn't care. I couldn't feel anything. No guilt or pity. "Freya, what has he done to you?"

Loki's grip hurt as he pulled me against him. "Stop this madness," he hissed in my ear. His breath brushed across my neck and I shivered.

"Is it really madness? Is it?" I whispered.

"I once spoke those lines myself and I know that it is," Loki whispered back. "Let yourself feel again before you end up doing something you will regret."

"Stop brainwashing her!" Wanda shakily stood up, her irises turning a deep red.

"You caught me, witch. It was and still is so easy, easier than breaking a twig." Loki pushed me away from him, facing Wanda.

My palms connected with the floor, instantly throbbing. "What was and is easy?" I pushed myself up, my hands supporting my weight. I craned my neck to look up at Loki as he glowered down at me not meeting my gaze.

He truly looked like a God as the morning sun rose and created a halo behind his head. He eyes analysed Wanda, measuring her movements. "It was effortless to enter the mist of such a conflicted mind like hers. I toyed with her thoughts, so malleable in my hands. I gained her trust so easily all because she thought I could be fixed. You Midgardians are so weak. She is rather weak, ridiculous even to think that I - Loki Laufeyson - could be saved." Loki's cold blue gaze met mine. Goosebumps raised on my arms. His smirk was cruel and his voice even harsher. "You stupid girl," Loki hissed the words, making me shrink back from him.

I bit back the tears, twisting my wrist. Ice raced to touch his feet. "No..." This was why Loki was such a good liar - no matter how untruthful the words were coming out of his mouth he never let the effect they had on him show. And it was exactly the same for his truthful statements. So which was he saying now? The truth or a lie?

I kept his gaze, desperately trying to hold myself together. I felt my emotions, like a tidal wave, swelling inside of me, but they hadn't overwhelmed me yet. They hadn't broken through the ice. Not yet. They were far too close to breaking point.

Loki laughed - the sound viciously shaking me out of my thoughts. "Even now the Midgardian is trying to decide whether I am speaking the truth or lies. I have that much of an impact upon her decisions - the power of capturing someone's mind is truly remarkable. Believe me when I say with all truth, I do feel sorry for you Midgardian - I thought you were smarter than this. At first you seemed to withstand me but then you eventually caved in." Loki's gaze turned to Wanda. "I fooled her at the prospect of someone loving her. But the foolish creature thought she could be loved - her ultimate demise. The truth is no one can ever love a monster. You of all people should know that by now. Perhaps lying to you all this time was an act of kindness after all." No, he was lying he had to be lying.

Loki stood taller, looking down at me. "You are so fragile. Even ice can break, Midgardian it does not stay impenetrable forever."

"No." I gritted my teeth. The ice let go of my heart. Emotions came flooding back. Anger. It coursed through my veins now -scorching and furious. "I can't believe I was so stupid," I snapped. "So idiotic." My fists shook and my heart hammered rapidly in my chest.

I pushed my hair out of my face and stood up. My feet propelled me forward to stand in front of Loki. His eyes were hard and his smirk smug. All this time I'd been played. Why had I even entertained the idea of him being 'good'?

I couldn't look at the contortion of his face which held so much cruelty. His words had hurt, badly. The pain of being betrayed like that, being used like that. I wanted it to stop - the emotions to go away. I tore away from his gaze and let my own smirk appear on my face.

"You want them to take you in, but they won't because they won't be able to find you," I whispered. "I saw you for what you really are - a broken man that no one will ever love - and it irked you didn't it? So I guess we're both going to be alone forever in this god damn universe. But you, you're a bastard Loki Laufeyson and you always will be and no one could ever love you."

The light dazzled me as the God swiftly disappeared with a gasp. His eyes just before he'd disappeared. The calm sapphire's had turned stormy, like a flash of lightning across his face anger had appeared but he wasn't looking at me when it happened...

The tears clouded my vision as I turned to Wanda. "Are you happy now? Not only did he bring on the ice, he stopped it and then he broke me. He crushed me. This is all your fault!" I threw a ball of ice at Wanda, knocking her over. "If you hadn't of turned up this would never have happened!"

A red ball of light struck my stomach and sent me staggering backwards. "If I hadn't of turned up you would have been Loki's slave for the rest of your life!"

"Slave? I was already a slave to S.H.I.E.L.D, if it wasn't for him I wouldn't have confronted the ice in the first place." Ice rose from the floor and pinned Wanda in place.

"Why do you keep defending him after all he's done?" Wanda snapped, trying to break free.

A shard of ice appeared in my hand but I paused. I didn't know. Why was I defending him? It hit me then like a punch in the stomach. I'd fallen for him. That's why his words had hurt so much. That's why it had felt like someone had tugged forcefully on my heart. I'd fallen for the God of Mischief and Lies.

I dropped the shard to the floor, shaking my head. My hair created a thin brunette barrier between me and Wanda. It wasn't enough to shield me from her angered hurt gaze but it made me feel a little more secure, at least it hit my expression. "I wish I knew."

I wanted the pain to go away, now. Ice rushed through my veins. I'd blocked out all of the pain and then Loki... He'd made me feel again and with the happiness he'd also brought the pain that followed. I'd been so stupid! So reckless. With my emotions came the ice threatening to get rid of them. And Loki... He was the God of Mischief and Lies - why had I expected him to change? Why had I expected myself to change?

"Freya Sigyn Swinton, that's enough." Coulson. He sounded angry, really angry.

The tears fell at a faster pace down my cheeks. I couldn't turn around. I couldn't bare to look at Phil's expression. I couldn't. I'd broken so many rules, I'd lost so much and for nothing.

Something struck my head. My cheek hit the floor. The ice melted off of Wanda and let go of me again. Shoes scattered past me getting blurrier. I forced my eyes to stay open. Phil walked over to Wanda, helping her up. He never looked at me. Never acknowledged me there on the floor. The only sign of his emotions was his trembling bottom lip. After all he'd done for me this is what I'd given back to him: a traitor.

"I'm sorry, Phil," I whispered before I let the darkness wash over me.

Cold surrounded my wrists. I was cuffed. I was sitting across from two Avengers in the back of a van. Captain America and Thor. The interior of the van was dark. The absence of light made it cold, in an eery way. I opened my eyes further. Both Avengers looked angry. Well this was awkward. More awkward than meeting your ex kind of way.

"The traitor's awake," Steve muttered through a vent. Wow, how come I didn't have a bad guy name? Not that I wanted one. His blue suit was dim in the light and his eyes even dimmer.

Thor's steady dark blue gaze watched me intently. "Thank you," he mouthed. He wasn't angry, not yet. Just grateful. I'd saved Loki, even if Loki had doomed me.

I nodded, acknowledging his words.

"Where have you sent my brother, maiden?" Thor leant forward, resting his chin on his knuckles.

"I don't know, I was a little angry at the time." I could feel another gaze, burning into me. "Where's Phil?" I looked to the Captain.

"He went on ahead to break the news to the others - he thought it was his responsibility and his fault that everything happened the way it did." Steve didn't look at me, keeping his gaze on interior of the van.

"It was my own actions, not his." The cuffs tinkled as I moved. I couldn't face Phil. "My own idiocy that got me here, not his." I needed to leave.

"He thinks he did something wrong to make you rebel against him," Steve sighed.

I shook my head. "Rebel against him? I wasn't rebelling against anyone."

"No, you just let your uncle's killer waltz around free," the Captain snapped.

My jaw muscles clenched. "I didn't let him out of the house actually, and when I did he was supervised."

"My brother is a talented liar and skilled manipulator, he always has been - what's to say he did not brainwash you?" Thor watched me, his mouth slightly down turned.

"He has no magic." The ice spread from my feet to the door.

"Loki does not need magic to manipulate people - he is talented with his tongue." Thor wouldn't let me look away, as he raised an eyebrow.

"True..." I nodded.

"You fell for him." Captain America caught my gaze. The anger had eased away and it had now been replaced with pity.

I laughed. "What a ridiculous idea." The ice shone ever so slightly on the door. My plan had worked. Now to find Loki.

He shrugged. "You're the one that's lying to yourself."

I leapt at the door. It snapped underneath my weight. I hissed at the road tearing at my skin. I leapt up and started to run. My limbs protested but I couldn't stop now. Tires squealed behind me. Damn. Run Freya, run!

"Maiden Freya, do not run." Thor landed in front of me, holding his hammer against my chest. His cape blew out behind him in a red wave.

"I don't know why I even tried," I huffed, rocking back on my heels. The wind picked up blowing my hair around my face. There was no way in hell I was going to attempt to fight the God of Thunder.

"Knock her out I don't want this happening again." Captain America watched me, nodding.

I smiled at him. "Sorry."

A needle slid into my neck. Brilliant. The buildings swayed around me. Thor doubled. Captain America gained another head. My knees gave way.


	17. Chapter 17

**I'd just like to thank all of my readers, for the follows and the favourites and the reviews it all means so much! So if you're one of the people who have done one or more of these things I am eternally grateful xx Also is anyone interested in making a YouTube video for this fanfic? Xx Anyways enjoy!**

My neck hurt I knew that much. Bright lights shone from outside my eyelids as a single solid shape paced in front of me. I was in an interrogation room I knew that much. I kept my breathing slow, listening to the people around me. It was that or lingering on the parched feeling in my throat or hearing the rumble of my stomach. How long had I been out?

One other person was breathing - fast paced breaths which were accompanied by a quick tapping shoe.

Well, there was no use waiting for the inevitable. The light hurt my eyes as I opened them. I blinked, adjusting to the brightness.

Wanda. There she was, standing with her arms crossed and her eyes closed. She wore what she had been earlier in our little... Confrontation. But her facial expression - she was concentrating. A frown creased her forehead whilst her foot tapped faster.

"I know you're watching me." Wanda spoke quietly, keeping her eyes closed.

"I know you're trying to read my thoughts." I kept my voice just as low as hers, yet it still echoed around the room. It was too big, the only object in it the chair I was sitting on. Maybe Fury was going for minimalism...

"He's brainwashed you." Blue eyes greeted mine. "You're not thinking the way you used to - I can't enter your thoughts."

I shook my head. "He hasn't." My hair felt greasy along with my skin. Hollywood had it wrong when it came to interrogations - your makeup didn't stay perfect and neither did your hair.

"Where is he?" Wanda asked, ignoring the attitude in my voice.

"I don't know. And even if I did I wouldn't tell you - leave him to rot wherever he landed for all I care." I looked away from Wanda to the camera in the corner. S.H.I.E.L.D protocol had taught me the layout of the room, and its exits. Not that I'd get very far.

"He admitted to brain washing you." Wanda perched herself on the floor, looking up at me. "Just come clean, Freya. This is getting tiring."

"He hasn't done anything to me. He was lying." I pulled on my restraints. Why were they even necessary? I could break out of them within a matter of minutes.

"Don't lie to me - stop trying to defend him!" Wanda snapped, standing up. "I don't know what you see in him. He's a monster."

I stayed silent, watching Wanda pace around the room. Now that I was looking more closely at her there were little details of her stress that were visible: her hair was slightly ruffled, her shirt creased and her eyes, they never stayed on one place for too long.

She stopped pacing and glanced across at me. "Why do you keep defending him?"

My shoulders rose as I shrugged.

Wanda walked forward, her fingers connecting with my temples. "Bruce gave you a drug to stop your powers temporarily."

I moved away from her touch. "Don't touch me."

She put her hands to my temples again.

I kicked at her shins. "Get off."

Wanda sighed, glowering down at me. "You're not making this easy."

"Easy? This was never going to be easy- interrogating your best friend - what part of that suggests easy to you?" I glowered back up at her.

"I saw enough at the house yesterday." Whoa, stop a minute. Yesterday? I'd been out for a whole day! What had they done to me in that time? Why had I been out that long?

"I've been out for a whole day?" I whispered.

"So Bruce and Tony could do brain scans and tests on you - find any abnormalities."

"Abnormalities? Let me guess, they found nothing?" I struggled to remain civil after having practically all my rights breeched.

"Nothing, I have no idea how he manipulated-"

"Because he didn't! Listen to my voice Wanda. I swear to whatever God you want that I wasn't brainwashed."

Wanda shook her head, not looking at me. "You love him, don't you? That's how he manipulated you - you fell for him."

All hopes of restraint vanished, literally. My restraints snapped and I stood up. "I don't." I towered over Wanda, glaring down at her.

"Where is he then?" She kept her ground, clenching her fists.

"I don't know. Why does everyone think I do?" I snapped. "I sent him somewhere. I was angry, really angry who's knows WHERE he is, if he's still in this country we'll be lucky."

"That's enough agent Maximoff, thank you." The deep baritone voice echoed around the room from the doorway - Fury. He sounded pissed. Oh shit, here comes the heavy artillery.

I sat back down, crossing my right leg over my left. I wasn't getting out of here anytime soon. I kept my gaze on the wall, ignoring the footsteps that were approaching me. "I would offer you a greeting but I have no idea what time it is or what day it is or where I am." I kept my voice level with a slight hint of ice.

Fury laughed. "Your little sassy display isn't fooling me, Swinton."

I still didn't look at him. "Display?" I snorted. "Okay, if that's what you want to call it."

"Where is Loki?"

"And for the hundredth I don't know. What makes you think I'd lie about that?" I finally met his gaze. The anger in just one of his eyes made me shiver. Damn, I should have just kept staring at the wall.

"All this time you've been lying to us. You're just like him. Why wouldn't you be lying?" Fury stepped in front of me, glaring down at me. I felt like a petulant child being scolded for not sharing their toy.

"I'm not this time."

"Only this time, it's like the boy who cried wolf except you got cozy with the wolf instead."

"Cozy with the wolf? Look Fury, it wasn't like that so you can go and fuc-"

The door to my right slammed against the wall as another person entered the room. "Loki doesn't care about you. He used you. He played you. Freya Sigyn Swinton, Loki manipulated you for his own dirty deeds. Please tell me you didn't-"

I turned to the spokesman. I knew who it was: Phil. His shirt was untucked, his hair a mess and his eyes were furious. "No! God, he didn't make me do anything I didn't want to do. It was was always a choice for me."

Phil looked even more alarmed. "So you-"

"No we didn't do that. I would never do that." The image of Loki in the kitchen settled into my mind. Ugh no.

"Please don't lie to us, we need to know where Loki is." Phil's voice broke in places and his eyes pleaded with me.

"And I don't know where he is, Phil." I looked away from him, shaking my head. "I would never lie to you." The words no longer held the meaning they once did because in all truth I had lied to Phil. About Loki, his killer and I knew I could never earn forgiveness for that. I would never have the same level of trust I once had from him.

"Guards, take her to the meeting room perhaps a march around the corridors will refresh her memory and then maybe the Avengers can persuade her." Fury stepped back from me but his gaze still burned through me.

Phil groaned, stepping towards Fury. "Don't-"

"Don't, Coulson. The first time I met her I told you she was a risk and you said I know sir, but you persuaded me to let her join anyway. And now, well now look at what's happened."

"Don't talk to him like that!" Ice shot from my fingers and pinned Fury to the wall. "He's not a piece of shit on your shoe." What the hell happened to my powers not working temporarily?

Phil touched my arm. "No, but he's right."

Six guards entered the room, their guns safety switches off. Well then... My hand fell back to my side.

One of them took out a pair of handcuffs - a new design black and broad, stronger.

I held out my wrists, smiling at him.

"What's the point of cuffs when we know she can escape them?" Fury snapped at the guard. "Just lead her through the hallways and if she even looks the wrong way - shoot her."

"I love you too, Fury," I smirked, stepping forward.

"Get her out of my sight." Fury glared at me, his brown eye burning into me.

I walked, well trudged really, out of the room. The hallways were full of agents, their eyes were glued to me. Until I walked past. Their eyes looked away from me. Fear. They were all scared of me.

I kept my head held high, ignoring the murmurs and the whispers. Obviously I looked like a super villain in my band t-shirt and ripped jeans... Yep, villains have style too. I mean I was new to the whole business but at least I didn't have a ridiculous helmet.

The Avengers, their eyes were different as I entered the meeting room. Each one of them watched me with silent pity, apart from Stark. His brown eyes tore into me, the anger clear on his face.

I stopped in front of the table, putting my hands into my back pockets.

"What are you doing here?" Stark stood up, his fists pressing into the table.

"Well my mum and my dad were very much in love one day and decided to make a ba-"

"Will you cut the crap?" Fury appeared on my right.

A weary sigh sounded behind me.

I looked behind me. Phil hovered in the doorway. He looked older - purple bags clung to his eyes and his skin seemed to look tired. A shadow of stubble covered his face and throat. His shirt was creased, a spot of coffee staining his chest. The dark brown liquid reminded me of blood. I shuddered, turning away from him.

"Freya, where is Loki?" Phil's voice sounded from the doorway.

I closed my eyes, whether it was to stop the tears or because I'd had enough I didn't know. I shuddered. The cold. It was far off to my left but I could feel it. Feeling the cold was like finding different 'flavours' as such and Loki well he had a specific 'flavour' and it was standing right outside S.H.I.E.L.D. "The bastard," I hissed.

I opened my eyes. Anger coursed through my veins far more powerful than it had ever been. My jaw clenched.

The wall behind me was glass. So what if they shot at me, I had to get to Loki before they did. I ran at the wall. Glass rained down around me as I landed in a crouch. Gun shots sounded amongst the twinkling of glass striking the floor. Not good.

Johnson ran out in front of me, his gun raised at my chest. "Stop in the name of the law!" His hand held the gun firmly and his eyes held mine without fear - he was going to shoot me.

"Pffft," I laughed, swiping my hand to the right. A huge wave of snow hit Johnson, sweeping him off to the side.

More gun shots ricocheted around me as I ran for the door. Bullets were hitting the floor around me. They grazed my skin as I forced my legs to move faster. Never had running seemed so slow.

"Stop you'll kill her!" Coulson yelled. "Let her go! She's found him!"

The guns stopped. Doors slammed behind me.

There he was - with my truck - hoodie concealing most of his face. A smirk didn't appear on his mouth nor did laughter play in his eyes. Loki stood extremely still, like a statue, the only sign of life his eyes. The blue orbs followed my movements as I approached him. His arms remained crossed against his chest.

I stopped in the middle of the road, glaring at him.

"I see you needed no help in escaping this rather impressive fortress." Loki took his weight off of the front of the truck.

"What help would you have been anyway?" I glared at him, the anger made my heart pound in my chest.

"I have good combat skills and I am a good tactician." Loki didn't attempt to stand straighter and his voice didn't hold the cruelty it had earlier. He too sounded tired.

"Do you remember when we first met?" Ice appeared around us in a transparent sheet, stopping anyone interrupting my confrontation. Snowflakes hovered in the air - the scene practically would have looked like a Disney set if it weren't for the two characters facing each other in the middle of it. A ragged looking man and an extremely angry looking woman.

Loki nodded. His hair that stuck out from the hood was no longer straight but erratic and wavy.

"I wish I'd handed you in, God I wish that so much right now." I ran my hands through my hair, they were shaking uncontrollably now. "My uncle can't even look at me, my best friend hates me and the Avengers hate me too. All because of you, Loki Laufeyson the God of Mischief and Lies."

"I know," he mumbled, pulling his hood down. His hair was a mess and in the fading light you could see the purple bags under his eyes. The God actually looked human for once - breakable.

"I know you now and you said I couldn't judge you until I knew you, knew the reasons for your actions, which I still don't but I know enough about you." I stepped closer to him. "And I don't like you, Loki Laufeyson. Your amazing ability to lie and manipulate others is unnerving and the way trouble follows you around like a magnet is definitely not normal. What you said yesterday hurt me and I'll never be able to forget those words. The minute I let this ice wall drop S.H.I.E.L.D can have you and you can rot in a cell. I just hope to god my cell is nowhere near yours because that will be torture."

Loki's shoulders fell and his calm blue eyes had the hint of a storm. "Freya, you are the only being who can halt the lies which grace my lips before they fall, and only you." Loki kept his hands in his pockets, his feet shuffling uncomfortably on the floor. When the God looked up from the black tar of the road his eyes were darker. "Never had I lied with so much remorse, yesterday truly tested my ability to lie. It ripped me apart just as much as it tore at your heart. At each word I believed I would reveal the truth that all of what I said was an enormous lie." Loki stepped closer to me. "I am sorry, Freya and I am aware that no matter how many times I say it it will never banish the effect of those lies which I said before. The truth is much like a piece of paper and, once crumpled it will never be the same again."

"You could just be manipulating me right now." I stepped back away from him. "I can't trust you anymore. Not unless you can think of a miracle answer to change my mind. I raised my hand to drop the ice wall.

"Wait, please." Was Loki pleading with me? "Answer me one thing before I never see you again?" Loki's pale face stayed solemn, his hands escaping his pockets. The ocean of blue looking down at me seemed to be struggling to stay calm - the storm was going to break free.

"Only one." I crossed my arms over my chest.

"Why would I risk capture trying to rescue you if I did not even feel the slightest hint of emotion towards you? I could have left and escaped with my freedom but I have spent every hour since I left you trying to find my way here, back to you. I even went back to your house to go into your files to find the coordinates of the S.H.I.E.L.D base. You know as well as I do that in life we get to choose who we let into our hearts, who we want to hurt us when we lose them and I have chosen you. Whether you are willing or not. When I spoke those words of malice to you yesterday I feared I had lost you forever and it... It scared me."

Everyone around us had stopped moving. Every pair of eyes had fallen on me, waiting for my answer. Yet the pair of eyes which had the most effect was Loki's - they looked pained. And of course they would, the God had finally admitted a vulnerability. Me.

"Loki Laufeyson..." I muttered. How could he do that? How could he make all of my anger disappear? Say all of those words and mean every single one of them?

The slap echoed around the street. My hand throbbed from the impact.

Loki's cheek shone red with my handprint. "I would ask what that was for but I already know, as you so eloquently put once upon a time: dick move, Laufeyson."

"Damn right, Mischief." My voice was scratchy and cracked on his nickname. "You're not forgiven though, not yet."

Loki laughed, smirking. "Midgardian, I have the rest of eternity to earn your forgiveness."

"Freya, take the ice wall down and we can help you!" Phil called from behind us.

I turned around to look at Phil. I didn't want to break him anymore. I couldn't bare seeing his disappointment again.

"Hand me in, I cannot ask you to choose between family and me. To be captured now would be a thing of honour." Loki's voice was right by my ear. It made my heart beat faster and my breath hitch in my throat. The effect he had on me, ever since I'd first met him. And his eyes...

I could happily disappear with him and live my life. He was the first person who had made me happy since Karl and my parents had died. And... I didn't want to lose that. Or him. He was the piece of me I really wished I didn't need.

"No, no I won't," I whispered so quietly I doubt he heard me. I met his blue gaze as I turned around, shaking my head. "I think your crazy has rubbed off on me." My hand shook ever so slightly as I grabbed Loki's hoodie in a fist at the front. "You're the worst person I've ever met, Mischief and I hate you for it; but most of all I hate you for making me care again."

Loki smiled, shrugging. His hands were warm on my cheeks, bringing me closer. The smell of leather overwhelmed me. His lips halted inches from mine. "Are you sure you want this damnation?"

I buried my hands further into his hoodie. "I'm positive." I pulled on his hoodie, bringing his lips to mine. Electricity danced across my lips, igniting them.

Gasps sounded behind us.

"The son of a bitch." Fury.

I smirked against Loki's lips. "We should probably go."

"But where?" Loki peered down at me.

"They found my map, so it looks like we can't leave the country - to Scotland?"

Loki nodded, his blue gaze looking over my shoulder.

I turned around.

Thor stood with a smile on his face. "Loki, my brother you are back."

"And soon to be gone, brother." Loki nodded at his brother, raven locks falling into his eyes.

"Mother would be proud of you," Thor called, setting Mjolnir on the ground.

Loki smiled at his brother.

"Are you going to stand there like a pansy or are we actually going to get inside the getaway vehicle?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"I am not a pansy, I am-"

"A God, yep I know that." I got inside the truck, revving it. The passenger window shuddered before it wound down. "Get in, Mischief."

"Freya!" Phil called.

I looked at him. "I'm so sorry, Phil."

"Don't be sorry that you're happy." Phil nodded, putting his gun away. "But you're officially an enemy of S.H.I.E.L.D if you leave."

Loki shut the door behind him as he sat down next to me.

"I understand." I nodded.

Phil didn't look disappointed as he gave me a weak smile. "At least you've found your place in the world."


	18. Chapter 18

My place in the world... With the God of Mischief. I swear this was every parents' nightmare - their child running away from home with the bad boy. In my case the ultimate bad boy. Everything had changed in such a short space of time. I'd lost my best friend. I'd betrayed my uncle. Did this make me a bad person? I'd saved Loki's life... Something good. Of course this made me a bad person! No, if I'd stuck to my morals this would never have happened. I would not be in this mess. This was the logical part of my brain anyway.

The other part, well the other ninety five percent of my brain was mush. All logic had been exterminated and somehow I knew this part was right. Even if it was so easily manipulated by the sapphire eyes and silver tongue of a God.

"FREYA!" Loki's high pitched yelp shook me, well ripped me actually, out of my thoughts.

Headlights glared at me. How I hadn't seen them before I don't know. A car heading towards the front of the truck... How could I not see? I was on the wrong side of the road. Oops...

I turned the wheel, the truck now on the right side. Well the left, we were in the UK after all.

"Are you okay, Midgardian?" Loki seemed worried for once. Voice strained.

"I'm fine." That was probably one of the biggest lies anyone has ever told, that I just told. I wasn't okay. My mind was all over the place and the cold it lingered in my limbs. Whatever they'd given me back at S.H.I.E.L.D had made it worse, far worse. I was a ticking time bomb waiting to explode. I'd left Phil and the others to protect them and now... All I had to do was protect Loki. From me.

"Midgardians are far more complex than I originally thought..." Loki mumbled, watching the buildings rush past. S.H.I.E.L.D hadn't just let us drive away - that wouldn't have been a smart move. Instead Black Widow and Hawkeye were following us through the streets, hot on our tails.

"How the hell do we get rid of these people..." I muttered, taking a hard right and then another hard left.

I checked the inside mirror. They were still there. Okay time for plan two. Ice rose behind me, a thin wall so that if they hit it, it would smash. Which it did. A flurry of white and their car stopped.

I pressed the accelerator down further, speeding towards the motorway. Distance - distance was a good thing.

Five hours and Loki had been remarkably quiet. The gentleness of his breathing and the odd rapidness of mine the only noise in the cab. He was unusually quiet. It was impossible for the God of mischief to go without a snarky comment for this long. Then again he was probably thinking. Something I didn't dare do. I couldn't bare thinking about what could possibly happen next. I mean would could happen next? We couldn't stay in one place for too long. We couldn't move to a different country. We would always be looking over our shoulder.

Loki moved, stretching his arms above his head. His biceps tensed - his muscles resembled that of marble: carefully carved and perfect really. More proof he was a God. Anyways... Eyes on the road Freya. "Are we there yet?"

I shook my head. "No." How ever annoying the question I was glad for the distraction.

Loki's hair fell into his eyes as he nodded, turning his head to look out of the window. Small droplets decorated the windscreen, the sky an angry grey. I'd watched the sun slowly set and it finally disappeared as I changed to a higher gear.

The minutes passed. Painstakingly long minutes which seemed to drag even more than the five hours I'd just sat through. It was mainly because of three reasons:

1\. What was Loki thinking? He'd sat silently, occasionally playing with frays in the seat or tapping a rhythm on his leg that lacked any real beat.

2\. It gave me more time to think about what I'd done, what had just happened and what was going to happen.

And 3. How were we going to get out of this one?

The leather of Loki's seat creaked. I practically felt the heat of his smirk against my cheek. "Perhaps we are nearly there now, Midgardian?"

I resisted the urge to hit the horn. "No."

Loki waited - his long, pale fingers tapping against the fabric of jeans. His smirk was still blistering across his face. "Are we nearly there now?"

"Nope." I answered. Ice spidered around the steering wheel.

"How about now?" Loki all but whispered it, his voice by my ear.

"Yes, now will you shut up?" I snapped. The entire wheel was now covered in ice - interweaving and interlocking together in a strange intricacy of patterns.

"A please never hurt anyone, however that ice... It is going to hurt someone. And I know more than anything, that the person it will hurt most is you." Loki's cool hand touched my arm. "Calm down, you are stressed which is making everything worse. Your negative emotions and positive emotions alike only amplify the ice, the cold."

"You weren't helping," I mumbled. My throat was tight now. Ugh.

"I was seeing how much control you have - evidently not as much as I thought." Loki removed his hand, the ice on the wheel disappearing. He extended his hand and hit the audio button on.

'Crazy in love' sung by Sofia Karlberg drifted through the speakers.

I looked to Loki. Aha. It was like watching Elders react on YouTube but a hundred times funnier. The song was obviously of a sexual nature and his red tinged cheeks said it all.

I laughed, turning away from him and watching the road.

"Are your species always this bold about wanting to make love to another person? About love in general?" Loki frowned. "You are all so forward with your bodies. Women expose their breasts as if they were their wrists and men put their penises anywhere that seems warm."

Oh. My. God. The God who tried to take over the world is now talking to me about sex. I kept my eyes on the road. "This song hasn't even mentioned sex, Loki."

Loki hummed deep in his throat. His cheeks still slightly Crimson. "No, but it is from Fifty Shades of Grey - that is if I am correct about sex, as you so eloquently put it." Loki seemed to be trying to piece something together in his head. I could see the cogs turning in his mind, working out an answer. But what?

I glanced over at Loki. He was already looking at me. His fingers now creating a triangle in front of his mouth. Loki's left index finger brushed over his top lip. He was thinking hard about something.

"You don't call it sex?" The question popped out of my mouth before I could stop it. Oh dear... I looked away from him, the action of his finger hypnotising.

Water splashed against the ground. Hundreds of drops staining the sky. Loki sighed. "To give yourself to another being is to 'make love'. To confirm your love, to become one with your soul mate. Is that not what 'sex' is to your race?"

I shook my head. "I'm afraid not."

"I see, romance has lost its meaning to your generation." This was not the conversation I expected to be having with the God.

"I guess so," I mumbled, checking my interior mirror for anyone following us. Nothing.

"So the first man to bed a woman is not the last?" Loki's voice was bold - he was no longer shy about the subject. Was that a good or bad thing?

I looked over to him again. His sapphire eyes lit up, his smirk wider. "So you are not a virgin?"

My mouth dropped and the truck squealed. I nearly stalled it before pulling off of the motorway. "Personal question, mischief. Not very gentlemanly of you."

Loki's chuckle filled my truck. "Oh, I am no gentleman but I know how to treat a woman, how to-"

I hit the horn. Birds burst into the sky. There were no other cars around thank god. "Okay from now on we are on a strict only speak when spoken to rule."

"I have one more perfectly innocent question." Loki frowned. He was tapping again.

"I still do not understand why you abandoned everything for me - your morals, your family, your home, your friends, your job - everything gone now, for me. Why?"

I couldn't look at him, tell him why. I knew the answer as soon as he started speaking. "I love you..." I whispered so quietly I knew the God didn't hear. I turned left. The dirt track made the cab shudder before I stopped in a space. "We'll keep our heads down here for now. It's an expensive hotel a place they won't expect. Your name is Damon and mine is-"

"Your name will be Ana. I think it only fair I choose your name if you have chosen mine." Loki smirked at me.

"Fine, and what are we in relation to each other?" I raised an eyebrow, letting a smirk of my own flash across my face.

"We, my darling, have just eloped. Now come along there is no time to waste." Loki winked at me before elegantly sliding out of the truck.

I checked my hair, clambering out of my truck. It was a dead giveaway but it was Karl's and he'd handed it down to be once I got my licence. I couldn't get rid of it. I reached in and grabbed my backpack, shutting the door and locking it.

Loki smiled at me, holding out his hand. "Ana, darling."

"Damon," I laughed, taking his hand. Darling... The word sent shivers down my spine.

Just as we reached the door Loki stopped. My feet left the floor and I was in his arms as he stepped over the threshold. He really was taking this seriously...

The receptionist pushed back her blonde hair, placing her hands on the table. "How may I help you?"

"My wife and myself -" Loki pulled me closer to him, wrapping his arms tighter around me "- wish to book a room. We have just eloped."

The receptionist smiled. "Congratulations, you look perfect together! I assume you'll want a double bed?"

Loki squeezed my hip. "Of course."

"Dear, you can put me down now," I laughed.

"Ahhh yes, of course." Loki set me down on the floor as I reached into my backpack for the money.

The wallpaper gleamed and the curtain pole seemed to be made of gold. It ought to be the price I paid for the room, even with a marriage discount. Every time I moved the bed practically swallowed me - it was too soft and too big. Ugh, first world problems I suppose. My hair was half dry resting on my shoulders. Loki sat beside me his hair a little drier than mine and a book in his hand. Apparently he packed books in case he or I got bored.

"They're going to find us eventually," I sighed, flicking the page of my book. "It's just a matter of when. So what are we going to do, Mischief?"

Loki set the book down on his lap, a loud sigh sounding between his lips. "Hand me in, there is still hope for you. There will always be hope for you."

"No. That's not the answer I want." I put my book down, turning to face him.

Loki raised an eyebrow, smirking. "Please?"

"No. God you're such an idiot sometimes." I crossed my arms over my chest.

Loki shrugged. "It would seem no matter how much intelligence someone has they will always lack intellect somewhere else."

"True..." I mumbled.

"Darling..." Loki chuckled, his hand grabbing my wrist. "The word gives you goose bumps."

"You'll find your voice saying it gives me goosebumps." I pulled my wrist out of his grip, standing up and stretching.

"Bang." The door shuddered with the power of the knock.

I turned around. Loki was at the door opening it. Blonde hair covered blue eyes - Johnson. He raised his gun at Loki. The brutal metal glinted in the fake light. "Walk backwards, no tricks or I will kill you."

Loki raised his hands slowly, each step measured as he moved backwards.

"You get over here too, traitor." Johnson's words cut through me. I stayed were I was, shocked.

"I did what was right," I argued. "I didn't condemn an innocent man to death."

Johnson laughed, motioning the gun from me to Loki. "Innocent? This guy will never be innocent, he killed your uncle and he's the reason your parents are dead. How can you forgive him for that?"

"When the mission was set he'd done nothing to deserve to die! No one deserves to die - wouldn't it be more effective if he lived with his sins, was reminded by them every day then forget about them in death?" I stepped forward, keeping my movements slow.

"You can't say anything since you're the one who harboured the criminal because he changed you, he manipulated you!" Johnson's knuckles whitened as he held the gun in front of Loki's forehead.

"Manipulate her?" Loki laughed, smirking. "I never did. How foolish you are, human."

Johnson snorted, shifting his feet. "Not going to call me, Midgardian?"

Loki tilted his head. "It's a term of endearment not meant for creatures like you. After all you are the one who called Freya a monster, if it were not for me she would have been consumed by the cold. She helped herself I merely guided her. You were the one who hurt her feelings. What does that tell you about you and myself?"

A small bead of sweat rushed down Johnson's temple. His nerves were obvious now - the patches of sweat underneath his arms, the tremble in his hand, the higher octave of his voice. "It tells me that you have a bad memory. You hurt her more than I ever would - you crushed her right at the moment she needed you most, that she invested her trust into you. Loki Laufeyson, you broke her heart and I never did that."

"You do not know about the hurt that it caused me. The thought of never seeing her again? Her eyes, the way they filled with hatred and remorse I will never be able to erase that image in my head. And I shall never be able to take back those words, and undo every wrong that I have ever committed, take the lives I so selfishly stole but... All I can do is suffer with the weight of my sins and try to do good in the universe." Loki met my gaze. "And I am truly sorry about everything I have done."

"Yeah well sorry won't right those wrongs - I'm doing you a favour with what I'm going to do right now." Johnson steadied his hand. No.

I was a step away from the both of them now, watching their actions. "You've broken protocol, Johnson. You've obviously told S.H.I.E.L.D we're here but you're meant to wait for back up in case something happens." I moved closer to Johnson. "Put the gun down, we're not going to hurt you."

"Is that another lie of yours?" Johnson snapped. "Another thing he taught you to say?"

"He didn't teach me anything," I snarled. "Now put the gun down or someone will get hurt."

"Fury gave me the orders and Phil agreed it was for the best - to save you." Johnson looked back to Loki.

I rolled my eyes, pushing my hair out of my face. "I don't need saving, I'm not a damsel in distress."

Loki caught my gaze, raising an eyebrow.

"Go to hell, monster." Johnson clicked the bullet into place. No. No. No.

I jumped in between them, my hand to Johnson's chest. "Johnson, no!"

Johnson's eyes locked with mine, a gasp escaping his lips. His breath was white in the air. "F-Freya." Everything slowed down. His gun slipped from his fingers and began its graceful decent to the fall - turning slowly in the air.

Ice spiralled from my fingers across Johnson's chest, rapidly spreading across his limbs. It decorated his tie, his hair, slowly making its way up his throat and across his face.

I yanked my hand away, trying to hold up his freezing body. "Johnson, Johnson say something? Oh my god. I didn't mean to do this. I'm so sorry."

"You were never the monster and you never will be." Johnson smiled, his eyes mixed with happiness and sadness. His jaw dropped before he groaned - a sound of pain. His skin turned an icy shade of blue and he shone in the dim light of the room. Johnson didn't move, he didn't breath, he didn't do anything. He was frozen. Heavy in my arms.

The tears fell harder down my cheeks, faster. "No, no, no, no!" I screamed. The snow whirled around us, the world outside the room now pitch black. "Johnson, come back! I didn't want to kill you, I never wanted to kill you. I didn't mean it. Come back!" My throat felt like glass had been shoved down it. I didn't stop screaming. Ice spread out from around me covering everything in its path. Snow shook the windows and made the curtains flutter. The glass broke and more snow whipped around the room.

I wound my arms tighter around Johnson. "Johnson, please come back, you're not dead, you can't be dead. I don't want you dead."

"Freya, let go he is not going to come back." Loki touched my shoulder.

I yanked myself away from him. "No, he has to come back. I can't have just killed someone!" My arms turned black, the snowflakes sparkling in the light. "I need to leave. I have to leave. I'm a murderer."

Ice. So much ice. The cold. I couldn't stop shivering. The snow was getting harder. Red. The ice was turning red, spreading faster than I thought possible. It dropped from my hands the snow greedily absorbing it. It stained my palms. Ice, there was so much...

I staggered away from Loki, pushing through the door and bolting down the hallway. Snow was everywhere. Ice spreading around me. The cold hit me as I rushed outside.

Sirens. They wailed into the night. A row of blurred black SUVs blocked my exit. I was trapped. My hair swirled around my face, sticking to my cheeks. There was a blizzard howling around the scene. A crime scene.

I closed my eyes. I blocked out the noise. I stopped the tears. I halted the emotions.

"Freya, do not do it." Loki's voice was metres from me. "Please do not shut off your emotions. You will never get them back. Please."

The snow no longer fell. The sirens stopped. The pain stopped. The brightness of the snow stung my eyes in the nights light.

Loki stood in front of me, sapphire eyes scanning my face. "Please do not leave me. I love you." His pale hand reached out and touched my face.

"It's too late." I stepped away from his touch, the cool air taking away the heat it had given. "It's better this way."


	19. Chapter 19

Loki's smile quickly disappeared, his hand dropping to his side. "I understand, it is your choice after all."

I nodded. "I need to leave, excuse me." Everyone was getting out of their cars now, guns raised. A large circle of black suits surrounded me.

The Avengers posed at the side: their suits bright. I caught Wanda's red gaze. She looked away.

"Freya, step away from Loki." Fury's voice boomed across the car park. His gun was raised, finger on the trigger. He was going to shoot him. No.

"I killed Johnson." My hair hung in my eyes, the ice glinting in the dark. "It's me you want."

Gasps scattered across the crowd.

"Freya, no, you didn't." There was the sound of a gun falling to the floor. It clattered around the car park breaking the sound of shock. Phil stepped forward.

"He was going to kill Loki." I waved my hand. Three figures rose out of the snow replicating the scene which had just transpired. "Now if you'll excuse me I'm leaving."

Phil didn't move, shaking his head. "You blocked them out. You can't feel a thing right now, can you?"

"Nothing at all, just empty bliss." I shrugged, the figures falling into a pile of snow on the floor.

Loki stepped in front of me. "When you find yourself again come back to me, Freya." A shock of electricity touched the top of my forehead. A kiss.

There was the click of a gun. "That bastard..."

I pulled Loki close and spun him around.

Pain. So much pain. It spread through my shoulders and down my ribs. The shock ricocheted through my body.

"Freya!" Phil. That was Phil's voice. He was panicking. Did he pull the trigger?

I tried to turn to look at him. The pain which shot up my spine was sharp. Strong arms held me up. The comforting smell of leather. Loki.

My legs gave way. Loki let us crumple to the floor. He held me close, brushing my hair out of my face.

"You're getting blood on your jeans, it won't come off." I coughed. Metal. I could taste metal. I'd been shot. And that metal - it was blood.

Sapphire eyes frantically searched my face. "I thought you blocked out your emotions?"

"I did," I mumbled, more metallic liquid in my mouth.

"Then why did you save me?" Loki snapped yet his voice held no anger. "You should have let me die."

"Then all of my rebellious action would have been for nothing." I laughed. It hurt. A lot. My heart raced in my chest. The pain was overwhelming. Each breath was more rushed and harder to take. "I- I may not feel it right now but I do know-" I broke off coughing. I could feel the liquid on my lips - warm and wet. Ice rose from the floor and created a small enclosure surrounding Loki and me. It was just the God and the girl and that's all it ever had been.

"Please do not die." Loki held me closer, grasping my hand tightly. "I love you, Freya. Please do not leave me."

More coughs raked through me, I was drowning. "I know I love you, Loki Laufeyson. I'm in love with the God of Mischief." The weight on my chest was getting heavier. I closed my eyes. At least the last face I saw was his...

"It took the prospect of you dying to finally admit it?" Loki chuckled, though the sound held no humour. It wasn't a prospect at all though: I was going to die. It all seemed so surreal. Fear didn't course through my veins, instead I felt unnervingly calm.

"Suck it up at least I said it now." The pain was getting worse. I felt light, distant almost.

"I love you, Midgardian so you cannot leave me. I as a God forbid you. I as a Midgardian beg you to stay. Never have I felt so utterly powerless. So weak. So human..." Something wet touched my face but I couldn't open my eyes to see what. And then another, and another. Tears. I had made Loki cry.

"I love you, puny God," I whispered, my head falling back. Everything became silent. Each breathe was stabbing. Only certain sounds became distinct in the deafening silence. My heart no longer raced, it stumbled.

"AllFather please take me back, she was the only right choice I've ever made and now I'm going to lose her. You have to make the healers heal her. Father, Oden, I love her. She thawed a frozen heart. Please," Loki yelled. "AllFather she didn't deserve this!"

"Let her go, Loki." Coulson. His voice was closer. "We know you care about her. Let us have her, we'll treat her."

I bit back a scream. Ice, it was rushing through my veins weighing down my limbs.

"I will never hurt her, I love her." Loki's voice was soft and far away.

My last breath was an effort before I stopped all together. The darkness rushed forward and then there was nothing.

* * *

"Child, you should not be here."

The words startled me. They shocked me enough to open my eyes. A woman in ornate clothes stood before me, her hair down to her waist and her eyes warm. "W-who are you?"

"I am Frigga, Loki's mother." She smiled at me, holding out her hand for me to take.

"Where am I?" I took her hand, sitting up from my resting place and standing. I stood on a balcony overlooking a vast drop surrounded by clouds.

"You are in Vanaheim, child." Frigga motioned with her hand. "Midgardians may call it Heaven - a final resting place for the dead." Dead. The dead. I was dead. Oh my god.

"I'm d-dead." The words seemed foreign and absurd. This was crazy.

"You died to save my son, I am forever grateful for your actions." Frigga smiled at me and waved her hand - a sheet of what looked like glass rose from the floor and portrayed the scene I had just left. Snow fell from the sky as Loki cradled my body behind a wall of ice which separated him from the others.

I looked to Frigga, how on earth had she done that? Magic, she has magic you idiot. "You saved Loki from himself, Freya - you pulled him from the darkness."

"Freya!" Loki's voice. He sounded so lost, so hopeless. His crisp tenor now so raw and strained.

I broke Frigga's gaze, turning to look at him again. More tears fell down his face as his whole frame shook.

"Allfather, father, please spare her life. Bring her back. Please! I will never ask anything more. I will be good, I'll stay on Midgard for eternity just please bring her back! Please father..." Loki's sadness was quickly being replaced with anger. It flushed his face and made his jaw clench. No, my death couldn't have impacted him that much...

Phil stood to the side along with all of the other Avengers - shock plastered his face, his mouth hanging open and tears welling in his eyes. I still didn't know who had pulled the trigger...

"I have to go back." I looked back to Frigga. "I need to be there for him."

"I know, child." Frigga took my hands in hers, they were cold like Loki's with the same texture as his. "Go and look after my son, Freya. And tell him I forgive him it was never his fault I died."

I nodded as Frigga faded and darkness crept into my vision...

* * *

Arms held me close and my hair was damp with tears. The familiar cold feeling of his skin touched my arms. Surely he was freezing holding onto me?

"Freya... Please," Loki whispered into my hair - his voice weak and meek.

I opened my eyes, the bright light of the snow making me squint. "Are you crying, mischief?"

Cold blue eyes stated down at me whilst thin lips parted to form a shocked 'O'. Loki nodded his head, gripping me tighter. "Yes I suppose I am crying. I thought I'd lost you, for eternity, Midgardian."

"You're supposed to say, no there's something in my eye." I smirked up at the God, it felt good to make a joke considering the severity of the situation.

A small chuckle escaped Loki's lips. "Masculinity is not necessarily being strong all of the time, it is being immovable in your decisions no matter what tries to sway you, standing for what you believe in no matter what."

I nodded. The cold... It was still in my limbs but it felt different. It was different. I had control of it. It moved with me rather than against me. I could feel the snow around me - manipulate it at my will. And my heart, unlike before it wasn't cold... Warmth flooded my chest. The ice couldn't enter my heart anymore. It couldn't control me. My bullet wound... The ice must have healed me. It saved me.

I moved in Loki's arms. He held me tighter. "You were shot and then you died. What part of standing up seems like a good idea, Midgardian?"

"The part where I let Phil know I'm okay." I wriggled free and stood up. My back ached where the bullet had been. My blood made my shirt cling to my body in a warm mess. "I'm okay, Phil." I smiled at him. "Still alive."

Loki stood by my side. "We should hand ourselves in - this has already gone too far."

I looked to Loki, shaking my head. "They'll separate us, Loki."

Loki tilted his head, analysing the people around us. "Perhaps a second escape attempt is necessary..."

I slowly let the ice fade away, making the snow stop. I could see everyone clearly now - all eyes on me.

"Take her out and the ice and snow will go away." Fury raised his gun. He was the one who had tried to shoot Loki and in turn shot me. "She's too dangerous now, she has no control. She killed one of our own."

"No!" Phil stepped towards Fury. "Please, she doesn't need to die."

"Stand down, Coulson!" Fury glared at Phil.

Two agents restrained Phil - he stood helpless, meeting my gaze. I smiled at him - it was a secret smile we'd shared with each other many times before: it's going to be okay - that's what it meant and that's what was going to happen now.

"She's dangerous, she has been the minute the ice got into her system. We shouldn't have waited this long to put her down." Fury didn't even look at Coulson, his one eye on me.

I kept Fury's gaze, watching him edge closer to me. His finger hit the trigger. Another shot sounded.

"No!" Loki jumped in the way, mimicking my actions earlier. It was a complete reversal of roles as he stared down at me. "I love you, Freya." His lips touched mine for a brief moment before he was heavy in my arms. He seemed startled at the pain, a small groan slipping through his lips. I struggled under his weight, falling to the floor with him in my arms. No. No. No.

I pulled him closer to me. "You idiot, what were you thinking?" My voice wasn't angry even though it should have been, instead my throat had tightened and tears threatened to spill down my cheeks. "Loki, don't die. You're a God, you can't die."

Loki's blood stained the snow, my clothes, my hands. His eyes flickered between me and his brother. His signature smirk flashed across his face. "I was merely repaying a debt, Midgardian."

"Right because you don't care, you're the God of mischief and lies..." I whispered, putting my hand in his.

Loki laughed, wincing. "You are wrong, I care too much - I love you, Freya." His long, pale fingers wove between mine but his grip was weak and getting weaker with every second. His ice blue eyes held me in place as I watched the God's breaths become slower, his chest rising and falling less and less. The act of keeping his eyes open seemed strenuous now, his eyelids fluttering. "It was my birthright to die. It never was to sit on a throne, I understand that now. I love you, Freya." Ice cold blue disappeared underneath thick lashes. His chest failed to rise again. No breath left his lips. Loki was gone.


	20. Chapter 20

"Loki..." I put a hand to his cheek, stroking it. The warmth was quickly fading from him being replaced with the cold. Snow fell rapidly from the sky, dampening my hair. "You're not dead, please you can't be dead."

"Freya, put him down and step away from him." Phil held out his hand, he looked pained.

A small part of me wanted to take his hand and forget everything - forget the pain, forget what had happened, forget Loki. But that was selfish and foolish. I couldn't forget him no matter how hard I tried. Those startling blue eyes that carved into me like ice, his voice which caused goosebumps to rise on my skin. I looked away from Phil. No I couldn't take his hand, I couldn't leave behind Loki. The minute I saw him on my sofa ingrained him into my mind - he would never leave me.

My tears stained Loki's face as I put his body onto the snow. I couldn't get up. I couldn't move. After everything we'd been through this is what it had ended in. "Loki... Please come back." I held his face in my hands as his skin grew ashen. "Please..." My cheeks grew colder as tears rushed down my face. No. No. No.

"Move, maiden Freya!" Thor ran at me, wrenching me from the floor and dragging me to the side. Away from Loki. He lay on the ground in the snow all alone, his hair fanned out around his face.

"No, no!" The snow got heavier as I pulled against Thor's grip. "No..."

Thor pulled me closer. "Maiden, stop fighting and watch."

I did as Thor said. The snow ceased falling and everything fell still. All eyes were on Loki's body.

Something flew from the sky and struck the snow next to Loki's body. Loki's staff. A vivid gold with intricate patterns along the thin metal. His pale hand reached out and grabbed the weapon. How? Pieces of armour decorated Loki's body, his green cape swaying in the wind as a blinding light surrounded him. Gold horns appeared on top of his head as Loki rose from the floor. Ice blue eyes opened and stared into mine. He was a God again, standing in all his glory and splendour. Loki was alive.

A smirk blistered across Loki's face as he winked at me. "It would seem I have made a comeback as well."

Thor let go of me.

I ran to Loki, wrapping my arms around his neck. "Don't do that to me ever again," I mumbled into his shoulder, relishing in his smell washing over me, in his touch.

"I shall try my best not to. I am normally not impulsive like my brother..." Loki held me closer. "But I had to save you."

We stood absorbed in each other. This was what Karl had been talking about: letting someone in. He'd been right.

"Brother, I am sorry it had to come to death." I stood back from Loki, looking to Thor. He was smiling, nodding at Loki. "I am glad that you have returned to your former glory."

"Brother we are finally equals, that is all I have ever wanted." Loki stepped forward towards his brother, his steps slow and cautious. "I can only hope that in time you can forgive me for what I have done, but until then I shall simply stand by side and fight with you and never against you again."

"I look forward to it." Thor met Loki half way and enveloped him in a hug. "I missed you, brother."

Thor's voice had a strange noise to it - almost like a distant whisper. My head was spinning. Darkness tugged on the edge of vision. My knees crashed to the floor. I felt sick, really sick, the kind of ill where you can barely keep your eyes open.

Loki spun on his heel, running towards me. "Freya!"

A blinding light lit up the land, hitting Loki and Thor. And then they were gone. A single circle carved into the floor where they had been standing - a circular pattern of Asgardian design. It was Heimdall that had taken them back to Asgard.

My hands hit the snow as I fell forward. I guess coming back from the dead has its drawbacks. Like how my head had become light and my face was now in the snow on the edge of the circle.

"Loki," I whispered before closing my eyes.

Disinfectant. I could definitely smell disinfectant, that and a rather dodgy cleaning detergent. Was I floating? Nope. I was on a very soft bed, almost sinking into the mattress. That meant only one thing: I was in a hospital.

Wait. The events of yesterday hit me like a freight chain. Johnson. Loki. Phil. Fury. Frigga. Loki. Light blinded me from a window on my right as I scrambled to sit up. Pain shot up my back but I ignored it, scanning the room. Cold encircled my wrists. They'd cuffed me to the bed.

Only one other person sat in the room. Her brown hair was in a neat bun, her hands placed under her chin. Blue eyes watched me warily. Maria Hill.

"Where's Loki?" I tugged on the cuffs. It didn't do anything. I kept Maria's gaze.

"Back in Asgard where he belongs." She stood up, walking to the side of my bed.

"Why am I cuffed?" I pulled on the metal entrapment again.

"You're a criminal." Maria shrugged, crossing her arms over her chest. Her and Johnson had been close, she had been training him. I had no doubt that she was angry.

A criminal... I'd well and truly gone off of the rails now. I looked away from her and out of the window. The sun was setting in the far distance casting brilliant shadows across the town we were in. Wherever this town was. "Did they -" I shook my head, taking a deep breath "- Did they find Johnson?"

"Yes, completely frozen. He was only twenty-two, he had so much ahead of him..." Maria didn't look at me, her fingers tapping a disjointed rhythm on her arms.

"I didn't mean to-"

Maria's blue gaze met mine - burning and furious. "It really doesn't matter, Freya. The truth is that you not only betrayed S.H.I.E.L.D, you betrayed your friends and your family - you betrayed Phil. Your actions were careless and reckless. What did you think would happen? That you and him would run off into the sunset and live out your happily ever after? Actions will always have consequences. Because of you Johnson is dead."

"Johnson was going to kill him, kill Loki. I jumped in between them and my hand touched his chest and... He froze. I killed Johnson - it was manslaughter. I never meant to kill him, it was exactly like what happened with my brother, Karl."

"And that one touch condemned an innocent man to death both times. Except this time you chose to save a guilty man, Freya. What were you thinking?" Maria stepped back from me, her jaw clenched and her arms shaking.

"I wasn't. I wasn't thinking at all. It happened so fast..." I bit my lip. "I couldn't bare the thought of Loki dying so I stepped in front of him the same way I took a bullet for him. It was all for the same reason: I love him. Surely you can understand that?"

"No I can't," Maria snapped. "I can't understand how a monster like him could ever earn the love of someone else. How you didn't hand him the minute you found him in your house - he killed your parents, he killed Coulson. How can you forget that? How can you forgive him for that?"

"The same way I finally forgave myself for my brother's death. It was the ice that controlled me then, the cold moved my limbs, I had no control. But now, now I control the cold." Ice crept up the metal trapping my wrists from my hands, freezing the locks and making the cuffs brittle. It appeared on the floor quickly spreading up Maria's legs and covering her holster.

"Freya, don't you dare run." Maria reached out to grab me. "There's no point in running. You've got no where to go."

I broke the cuffs, the sound of breaking metal sending a shriek through the room. "Who said anything about running in my state? I'm walking briskly away." I clambered out of the bed and ran to the door. It opened easily.

"Guys, she's running." I'd forgotten about her radio. It was too late to turn back now.

I sped up, bare feet slapping against the tiles of the floor. The hospital was actually a doctors surgery. One floor. The door. I grabbed the handle and pulled. Nothing. It was locked. My fist struck the glass. It shuddered but remained solid. "Come on, no... You have to open!"

"Freya, you can't get out. Even if you freeze the doors and break out, Tony, Steve and Wanda are waiting outside for you." Bruce. The doctor. The only Avenger I liked right now.

I turned around to face him, trying my best to not burst into tears. "Bruce, please let me go."

"Freya, you know I can't." Bruce genuinely looked sad as he stepped closer to me. "You're a code red, you're not allowed to be out by yourself. And you have a trial as soon as your well enough."

"A trial?" I frowned.

"Fury, Maria and everyone else don't see what you did as manslaughter. And since your only other alibi is Laufeyson you can't prove anything. You're being tried for murder, Freya. And you know as well as I do that only the guilty run." Bruce took another step towards me, holding out his hand.

"Bruce, please you have to let me go." I stared down at his hand, shaking my head.

"He's back in Asgard, he won't be coming back. You've got no where to go, Freya." Bruce shook his head, taking his hand back. "Odin gave Loki back his powers meaning he's ready to help rule Asgard - he won't be coming back any time soon."

Bruce's words were like knives through my chest, I almost wished that they were. I slid down the door, pulling my knees to my chest. "Loki..." Ice circled out from underneath me, decorating the floor. It weaved around Bruce, leaving a bare spot of floor where he stood. "He's really gone."

Bruce's shoes made the ice crack as he knelt in front of me. "I'm sorry, Freya."

"You're not the one who's killed-" I broke off tears falling down my cheeks.

"I know but I gave you some bad news, what I said was harsh." Bruce sat beside me against the door, playing with his hands.

"Why did they send you in?" I turned to watch the brown eyed Doctor.

He shook his head. "Fury thought you'd behave if I was here."

"Well, I certainly don't want to be the hulk's next chew toy if that's what you mean," I laughed, hiccuping as my tears stopped. "Bruce?"

"Yes?" Bruce turned to look at me.

"What's going to happen after everything?" I picked at the hospital gown, shaking my head.

"Well the cell they reserved for Loki, it has your name on it now." Bruce shook his head.

"It could be worse..." I shrugged, standing up and holding out my hand. "Well I best get back to bed."

Bruce took my hand as I helped him stand.

"Let him go!" Maria stood holding her gun, pointing it at me.

I dropped Bruce's hand. "I'm not going to hurt anyone."

"That's what you said before you killed your brother or something along those lines-"

Ice flew from my finger tips, making Maria's gun fly from her grasp. "Don't you dare talk about my brother's death, you weren't there." The room darkened, the wind whipped the building and snow hit the windows. "You don't know what I've been through. The only person who understands what I've been through isn't here right now. You can't talk to me like that." I let my hands drop to my sides, ice flowing from them.

Maria staggered back from me, holding up her hands. "I'm sorry, you don't get to choose how I talk to you. You're a murderer, a killer."

I raised my hands they were glowing blue now. "I know, so I've been told. That's what I tell myself every day. I know I'm a monster I was there when I killed Karl. And I was there yesterday when I killed Johnson. I screamed at him to come back, to not die." I put down my hands the ice disappearing. "But I couldn't take back the ice. I couldn't control the ice but now... Now I can."

Something jabbed my side. "That's enough for now," Bruce whispered in my ear catching me as I fell backwards. He'd sedated me. I suppose it was for the best. At least it meant I didn't have to think about everything that had happened for a while. About Loki.


	21. Chapter 21

"Wake up, Freya." Those heavily accented words, her voice. What was Wanda doing here?

I stirred, opening my eyes. Wanda stood by my bed - her hair a mess and bags under her eyes. Her blue eyes no longer held any anger like they had when she'd interrogated me. She wore a baggy black sweatshirt and jeans, her nail varnish chipped as usual.

"Wanda... I'm so sorry - for everything," I whispered, sitting up. My hair was greasy against my neck and face, my limbs heavy. I was a mess.

"I'm sorry too." Wanda sat on the edge of the bed and pulled me into a hug, her perfume washing over me. "While you were asleep I looked into your mind - I understand everything now. Why you saved Loki. Why you ran. He saved you from the ice. He was the one thing that finally made you confront the ice and take control of it and I'm glad he did that. It would seem the villain has become the hero."

"You saw what happened with Johnson when you went into my head..." I pulled away from Wanda, playing with the frays on the blanket. "What the ice did. W-what I did..."

"I also saw Loki for who he truly is... He was broken, you were right. You and him are alike in the way that you're both shattered but opposite in other ways. You are only human and he is a God. Fury is glad that we found Loki's weakness." Wanda played with a strand of my hair which had fallen onto my cheek. She tucked it behind my ear, sighing.

"What's his weakness?" I sat up straighter, looking at my friend with wonder. Loki had a weakness? Why hadn't I noticed it?

"You." Wanda smiled. "You thawed his frozen heart. You made the God of Mischief and Lies fall to his knees."

"He said he'd never leave me." I fought against the tightness in my throat.

"Thor hasn't contacted Jane since he left so I don't know..." Wanda pulled me against her chest, holding me close. "He may come back after he finds out- I mean when he sorts out whatever it is he's doing in Asgard."

She was going to say something and then changed the topic. "You're not telling me something, Wanda."

Wanda held onto me tighter, resting her chin on my head. "I'm not allowed to say anything but know this: I will fight for you."

I moved my head to look up at my best friend. "It's bad, isn't it?"

"Freya?" Wanda looked down at me, her lips a thin line and her eyes worried.

"Yes?"

She grabbed one of my hands squeezing it. "I lost my brother there is no way I will lose you too."

I nodded, an uneasy feeling settling in my stomach. What on earth was she talking about? She hadn't answered my question about how bad it was. I mean I knew it was bad: I'd killed Johnson. And I'd never forget that, forget the way he'd looked or the words he'd said as he slowly froze. What Bruce had said... The cell they'd reserved for Loki now had my name on it.

I snuggled closer to Wanda, finding comfort in the warmth of her arms. "You won't lose me, I promise," I whispered. "I came back remember? We still have to find you a boyfriend. And you still have to teach me how to make Paprikash."

Wanda laughed, shaking her head. "I will, I promise. Now you best get ready, you're wanted back at the base. Fury has news of your..."

"Punishment?" I sat up from Wanda, swinging my legs over the side of the bed. They were pale as always - if I ever wanted to impersonate a ghost lets just say I wouldn't need a bed sheet, that's for sure.

Wanda stayed silent, looking away from me as she stood up.

"I've committed a crime - mutiny actually, and... And murder. I knew there would be consequences the minute I saw Mischief sitting on my sofa. I'm ready to face them now, face what I've done." I nodded my head, reaching for my clothes. "I didn't expect to walk out of this and leave it all behind me. If I'm honest I didn't know what to expect at the end of it all."

* * *

Wanda walked by my side as I was escorted to the meeting room. They'd put a shock collar on me, Wanda had argued and told them not to but I'd shook my head, letting them slip the device around my neck. They'd cuffed me too - Stark's design - two metallic gloves linked at the wrists which kept the cold inside them. A clever design - the cuffs at the top of each glove could be removed so I could use my hands without freezing anything. Not that I would now - I had control of the ice and that would never change.

All of the Avengers sat in the room before me - all eyes on me. Phil sat next to Fury at the head of the table, his gaze was on some notes scattered across the table. His eyes were bloodshot and puffy. Phil looked like he hadn't slept, like he was having some inner battle right now. Oh shit. Guilt blossomed in my chest, mimicking the same feeling I'd felt when I'd been shot.

Wanda opened the door and slowly walked into the room taking her seat next to Captain America.

I hovered in the doorway. Past the door was my future and I would hear of the consequences of my actions. I put my best foot forward and walked to the end of the table, looking to Phil. He didn't look up. He didn't acknowledge my presence. And it hurt. A lot. I really wished he'd stand up, start yelling at me, do something. Anything but sit silently and play idly with his pen. Act as if I wasn't here at all.

I stood at the end of the table - it was uncomfortable to say the least. I shuffled my feet but I kept my head held high and my jaw clenched. I wasn't going to be some snivelling mess.

"Now that you're here we can begin." Fury looked to me, his gaze impassive and his lips a thin line. "Try anything-"

"And you'll shoot me like you did the other day?" I raised an eyebrow, clenching my jaw. "Thanks for that by the way. I'm never forgetting it."

"Is that a threat?" Fury snapped.

"Only if what you just said was." I shrugged, not looking away from Fury. "Let the mind games begin..."

"You act as if you have no guilt on your shoulders but I know you do, I know it's crushing you. Or maybe it's not - maybe you're as cold as the ice in your veins, in your heart now." Fury cleared his throat, standing up. "I had to ring up Johnson's parents the other day and do you know what I had to tell them?"

I stayed silent, keeping his gaze.

Fury's glare was unnerving as he leant forward onto the table, brown hands placed palms down onto the glass. "They asked me if Loki killed him, killed their only son. And I had to reply that it was one of our own that killed him, that betrayed us. That you betrayed us, betrayed Johnson. That you were the murderer, the guilty one and not-"

"That's enough." The pen dropped from Phil's hand as he looked up at Fury. "She knows what did, she was there. You don't need to remind her of the guilt that I know she feels on her shoulders."

"Phil, I-"

"No, Freya." Phil's gaze finally met mine - it was angry but somehow it didn't feel like the anger was directed at me. "I don't want to hear it. I let you run with Loki because you'd finally found happiness and I knew you understood that there would be consequences when you left. But never, never did I realise that they would be so severe. I would never have let you leave with Loki, never let you out of my sight again."

"Phil, it's not your-"

"But it is!" Phil's voice rose in volume yet he didn't stand or move. "I brought you to S.H.I.E.L.D, this is where it all began and this is where it all ends. I should have been a better role model, a better uncle-"

"No," I snapped, pulling on the gloves. "You couldn't have done any better, Phil. I am my own person and whatever I've done is solely on my head, it's my responsibility and my responsibility alone. Karl's death and Johnson's death are on my conscience and they shouldn't be on yours. I did what I thought was right the night I killed Johnson. He had a gun and he was going to shoot Loki. I jumped in between them and put my hand to Johnson's chest and in doing so... He froze, just like Karl did. I never meant to kill him but I couldn't let Loki die."

"So what? Loki deserved to die." Fury shook his head, nostrils flaring. "Johnson didn't. I set him a simple mission: take Loki out and rescue you."

"You should never have sent him in alone, never sent him in at all. I didn't need rescuing." I shook my head, walking around the table to Fury. "You're wrong about Loki, so wrong. He's changed. Loki just needed someone to care, to understand him. No one deserves to die, you can't control life and death - no one gets to decide that. Not even-"

"Cut the crap," Fury snapped, bring his first down onto the table. "You weren't doing the right thing, he's a monster and he used you. One more step and I'll see if that collar works."

I stopped, glaring at the man in front of me. "No, Loki didn't use me. I chose to save him. I chose my own actions. If he was a monster then he wouldn't have jumped in front of a bullet for me, and I know you can't argue with that."

Fury shook his head again, shifting his gaze from me to the others around the table. Why? "They - the defence council and the UN - want to make an example of you, Miss Swinton, to show the other miracles that they can't get away with what you've done. They've sentenced you to death, over one hundred countries signed the document. Actions will always have consequences, Miss Swinton." Fury nodded his head, turning on his heel and heading towards the door.

His words floated around in my head and made me dizzy. Death. Sentenced to death... I leant on the table, shaking my head. No. I hadn't expected this. I rapidly blinked the tears away. I'd never expected it to come to this.

Stark stood up out of everyone, slamming his hands on the table, his nose still bruised from where I'd punched him earlier in the week. The sudden noise in the silence made me jump. "You can't kill her. She's only twenty one, she's barely lived, Fury. What ever she's done she doesn't deserve to die for it. She's been through enough crap to last her a life time."

Fury paused at the door, looking over his shoulder. "You think that letting her live is better? Johnson is dead because of her and you think it's fair she gets to live?"

Stark moved to stand in front of me. "Living with the guilt is far worse than dying. Survivors' guilt is always the worst. I don't know Freya very well but I know that she would never kill someone in cold blood. She wouldn't kill Loki - a guilty villain - what makes you think she'd kill Johnson - an innocent man - in cold blood? She didn't murder him, it was manslaughter. And murder isn't how the law works."

Fury shook his head. "It's too late either way, Stark, it's out of my jurisdiction," he said, leaving the room and shutting the door. Too late... The decision had already been made. There had been no trial. There'd been nothing.

Two guards entered the room from the same door Fury had left from, heading towards me. I took a step backwards. The back of my thigh hit the table. Dammit.

"I won't let you kill her." Wanda stood up as well, her voice was loud and even. Her hands glowed red.

The guards hesitated but they didn't stop.

Suddenly all of the Avengers were standing up and forming a barricade in front of me. Tensed and ready to fight. Why?

Phil caught my gaze, standing up. "It's already been decided I've tried to change their minds. I begged them not to. I told them it was my fault but they still didn't listen. I'll escort her to her cell, you're both dismissed."

The guards nodded at Phil before leaving the room.

"They have no proof that it was her, it could have been Loki for all we know." Wanda touched my arm with her hand, before reaching up and taking off the collar. "They can't condemn her to death on mere suspicion."

The collar fell to the floor with a thud. It made me jump but it did nothing to rid the numb feeling that was slowly spreading through me. It all seemed so surreal. After everything that had happened, this was it. This was the end.

"They can't just let her walk around - everyone but us see her as a killer, and we all know that people are scared of what they don't know and understand." Phil shook his head, standing up and shrugging on his jacket. His gun shone in his holster as he pressed away the creases in his shirt.

"Send her to the cell and we'll get help." Stark was typing into his phone - his fingers in a flurry on the keyboard. "We'll do some sort of voodoo dance or something and get Loki back. Or we can smuggle her to a cabin I have in Mexico up in the mountains. I have a spare jet and then we can wait until it all dies down and she can live with me and Pepper-"

"Guys, honestly it's fine," my voice was far quieter than I expected. "Some part of me tells me that it's a good thing, that no one else will get hurt."

"No - you're not giving up and neither are we." Stark held my shoulders, looking up at me. "We will find a way. We all saw the other day that you can control the ice. Just hang in there and we'll save you. Hell, we're superheroes and if we can't save one person, if we can't save you then what's the point of us being heroes in the first place? You showed us all that light can be found in the darkest of places, that people who we thought were too far gone are actually capable of being saved. You showed us all what a real hero is - you put someone else before yourself even though everyone else was telling you it was wrong, you stood by your opinions, your beliefs. And what happened with Johnson, it was an accident. Wanda showed us all what she saw in your head, Johnson didn't hold it against you and neither do we."

There was something in Stark's words that made me stand a little taller and hold my head slightly higher. "I don't see how you're going to get me out of this without breaking the law but I'll try to stay positive. Thank you, Stark, everyone."

Stark nodded, squeezing my shoulders. "You do that, ice queen. Everything will be okay." He undid my gloves so I could move my hands. "Best to keep them on for now so Fury doesn't have a melt down. Oops, poor choice of words there..."

I laughed, shaking my head. "Can I go home and get some stuff before I go to my cell?" I turned to Phil, watching him as he reached into his pocket.

He pulled out a pair of car keys. "I'm the director of S.H.I.E.L.D I'm sure I can bend the rules a little bit. Besides, these guys will cover for me." Phil winked at the Avengers, walking up to me and putting an arm over my shoulders. "Come on, trouble, we don't have long."

* * *

Raindrops drummed against the window screen, sending a rhythmic hum through out the car. Phil had stayed completely silent the entire ride back which had given me time - plenty of time - to think. About everything. How I'd found Loki on my sofa, to shopping with him, dancing with him, yelling at him, how he'd saved me from myself. And now, well it all seemed as if saving him had come with a far more terrible price then I could have imagined. Death. I'd greeted it once and I was going to meet it again but not by choice this time.

"I brought you into S.H.I.E.L.D to protect you and here we are." Phil's voice broke my thoughts as he stopped the engine and turned to face me.

"Phil, this isn't your fault. Please stop blaming yourself." I reached over and took his hand in mine.

"I'll get you out, you'll see." Phil stared down at our hands, shaking his head.

"Phil?" I waited for him to look at me before I continued "Has anyone not stopped to think that maybe this is for the best? For all of us?"

"This isn't for the best, killing you won't achieve anything at all. You're all I have left and now..." Phil's eyes shone with tears. "Now I'm going to lose you. I'll make a deal with the devil if I have to, to save you, Freya. I'll do anything."

I raised my hand and the single tear that had fallen down Phil's cheek froze. "Loki isn't the devil, no matter how many times that thought has crossed my mind - which is a lot. But thank you, Phil, just don't do anything stupid." I clicked off my seatbelt and leant across the gear stick, hugging Phil.

"I would say the same thing to you, kiddo, but you've already won the title of stupidest decision ever." Phil laughed into my hair.

"And which decision was that?" I asked, looking up at Phil.

Phil kept my gaze. "Surprisingly it wasn't falling for Loki or even keeping him as your house pet, it was actually not telling me what you were doing."

I sat back from my uncle, raising an eyebrow. "If I'd of told you, you would have killed me, you would have been the hulk times one hundred."

"Don't think I'm not angry at you, out of all the bad boys on the planet in the universe - you had to choose Loki. We need to talk about your taste in men, young lady," Phil laughed, shaking his head and looking out of the car window to the house. "You best get your stuff before they notice I've taken you on a recce."

I nodded, opening the car door. "Thank you, Phil, it means a lot."

"It's alright, now go." Phil shooed me from the car.

Rain soaked through my clothes as I ran to the front door. I reached up into the hanging plant pot and got the spare key, opening the door. His smirk didn't light up the darkness. The key clattered on the side as I entered my house, flicking the lights on. They flickered twice before illuminating the room before me. Blue eyes didn't stare at me as I walked into the living room. His voice didn't say 'I was wondering when you'd be home, Midgardian'. There was nothing, just Zeus perched on the sofa. I collapsed next to him, trying to hold myself together. The kitten crawled onto my lap, a piece of parchment tucked into his collar. Parchment... Who the hell used parchment these days? Loki. It had to be. I fished it out, uncoiling it. A neat scrawl spidered across the paper in elegant loops:

 _Freya,_

 _I promised I would never leave you and I intend to keep that promise. To never see your face again would be a torture far worse than anything my father could ever conjure. I promise you I will come back for you. I briefly visited hoping to see you but you were not here, I assume you are at work sorting out the mess I have left behind. I have fed Zeus seen as though you have forgotten to again, if you forget again I may have to bring him to Asgard._

 _I find that our love story resembles that of Beauty and the Beast - you changed a monster back into a man. I can think of no way that would suitably repay you for what you have done for me, nor can I think of any way that would show the devotion I feel towards you. All of my life I have lived in the dark, believing no one would care for me, that no one could ever love me. And then - like some petty Midgardian cliche - you walked into my life and changed everything. That I myself could ever feel the vulnerability that is love was a distant dream to me, it was something I never thought I deserved. Yet some how you have thawed my frozen heart and showed me that everyone deserves a second chance. You found me when I was lost and everything had fallen apart, well in all technicalities I found you. It is a pleasure to have let you into my heart, and to have you hold my heart in your hands is something I never thought would happen. Our thoughts only count if we act upon them and our emotions only affect us if we acknowledge them - something I said to you not too long ago and I am glad that you acted upon your emotions. And my dear - I know you adore that term of endearment and besides I am not here so you cannot slap me for using it - you were never and never will be a monster._

 _Lastly I want to apologise - I shall buy you a new shed, one far grander than the feeble wooden contraption that you owned before. I want to apologise for every harsh word I have said to you and for every harsh word I am to say to you in the future. Both of us are so stubborn and silver tongued there are bound to be more arguments between us, like many that we have shared before. But you must know that when I cannot speak the words I wish to say then look into my eyes - that perfect storm you call it in your thoughts, I read them before you left - and you will see my true feelings. I love you, Freya Sigyn Swinton and now that I have said it to you it feels real, like I am not in a dream. I am glad my father cast me out or I would never have met you._

 _Yours only,_

 _Loki Laufeyson, the God of Mischief and Lies._

Small droplets smudged the ink of the letter, accompanied by more and more. The letter he'd written... It was so beautiful. Loki spoke as if we had the future in front of us, but we didn't. I didn't. Zeus snuggled into my chest, purring, as the letter fell from my hands to the floor.

I pressed my palms to my face, crying harder. "I don't want to die, Zeus," I sobbed.

Arms were around me and pulling me closer. "Hey, it's going to be okay." The smell of coffee washed over me just like it had before, just like the day Phil had found me after my parents had died. I leant into him, reaching down to hold Zeus close. The reality of the situation had finally sunken in...

* * *

Four walls made of a metallic grey structure. A single door which only opened outwards. I sat on a plain bed inside my cell, fiddling with the gloves on my hands. Stark had come in and made them more comfortable with an automated temperature control system. There was a single chair in the corner of the room and a table but other than that the room was bare and cold, even by my standards. Cameras blinked in each corner of the room, watching me at all times.

Ten days. The waiting was horrible. I had so much time to think. Ten days and I couldn't do anything but sit.

A small knock sounded before Wanda strode into the room, two plates in her hands.

"Wanda, what are you doing here?" I shuffled over on the bed, making room for her.

"I couldn't stand hearing Fury and everyone argue. So... I made us some paprikash." Wanda held out the plate of steaming food for me.

"Thank you." I took the food, finding comfort in the spices that filled my nose. "Looks like I'm not getting a happily ever after."

Wanda shook her head, handing me a fork. "You will. I know you will."

"How?" I asked, taking a mouthful of the spicy food. It tasted so good after the porridge I'd had this morning and the dull dinner I'd had the night before.

"Loki will find out what's happening and he'll save you, I know he will. Phil showed gave me this -" Wanda set her plate on her lap and reached into her pocket, handing me a crumpled piece of fabric "- I read it, he really loves you, Freya."

I took the piece of paper and set it on my pillow. "He might not know what's happening though, he's busy being a God now." I picked up more food, relishing in its warmth and flavour.

Wanda shook her head, hair falling into her eyes as she set her spoon down. "I got inside his head when he was dying. He didn't care that he wasn't a God. He didn't care that he was dying. All he cared about was that he may never see you again. He knew that if he died he wouldn't be with you. It was like watching a Nicholas Sparks novel adaptation movie - the way he looked at you, the way you looked at him." Wanda smiled at me, her eyes crinkling at the sides.

A small smile crept across my face, most of the plate empty now. "I hope he turns up before my ten days are up."

Wanda put an arm around me, squeezing me. "I know he will. Now eat, before they notice I'm in here and make me leave. Stark broke the cameras but Fury will figure it out eventually."


	22. Chapter 22

"I'm Henry the eighth, I am Henry the eighth, I am, I am. I got married to the widow next door. She's been married seven times before."

Who the hell was in my cell singing this early in the morning? I sat up, searching the room. The blanket fell around my waist as I pressed myself to the wall.

Ice blue eyes stared back at me, accompanied by a blistering smirk. He stood in the centre of the room, holding his staff, horned helmet shining in the dim light of the room.

"L-Loki?" I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, shaking my head. My hair fell into my eyes. "Is it really you?" Of course not, why would he be here?

"Of course." Loki strode towards me. "I promised you I would come back, even a villain such as myself keeps their promises."

I stood up, my legs shaking slightly. Looking up at him was a lot like staring up at the moon - it hurt your eyes to see something so bright in the darkness. Loki practically shone with light, his armour radiant. "Why were you singing? You're not Sam from Ghost."

Loki shook his head, his horns making him at least seven foot now. "I did not want to make you scream and alert the others of my presence - no one else but Stark and Wanda know that I am here."

"How do they know?" I whispered. I couldn't believe this was happening, that Loki was actually here. I fought against the urge to touch him, fearing that if I did he would disappear and I would wake up a sweaty mess.

"Because I knew Stark could come up with an explanation as to why the cameras suddenly stopped working. And Wanda sensed my arrival and threatened to... How did she say it... Put me on my arse." Loki laughed, his jaw clenching.

"Go Wanda," I laughed, smiling.

Loki set his staff to the side of us, placing one of his hands on my waist. His other hand rose to touch my cheek, his thumb tracing my lips. "And here I was thinking I may not see you again..." Loki's breath rushed across my lips, his own lips inches from mine and getting closer.

I put two fingers to his lips, my emerald nail varnish chipped - I'd put it on the day before I'd found Loki on my sofa and now, well now it was well and truly ruined. "I'm not kissing you if you're wearing that thing on your head, Mischief." My voice was croaky and felt weird as it slipped from my lips - ever since Wanda had visited me Fury had banned all visitors. So all I'd had to do was sit and wait, and lie down and wait, stand and wait. A hell of a lot of waiting in a horrible silence.

Loki's lips moved underneath my fingers, the corners of his mouth pulling up into a smirk. He had to be real... He felt so real. His hand left my waist and he clicked his fingers.

A weight was on my head - heavy and cold. He'd put his helmet on me. What a douche.

"Great now I'm a confused reindeer." I glared up at him. How did he keep this thing on his head? It was so heavy.

"It suits you and it is not heavy - it is made of the finest Asgardian metal." Loki leant down towards me again. "Perhaps you should keep it on - you look ravishing with it on," he whispered against my lips before leaving a kiss on my cheek.

I reached up and put my hand on the back of his neck, wrapping my fingers in his hair. "Only if it comes with you." I laughed as soon as I said it - it had sounded less cheesy in my head.

"I suppose I could strike a deal, no matter how _cheesy_ it sounds." Loki smirked, raising an eyebrow.

"Stop reading my thoughts." I frowned, tipping the helmet up out of my eyes.

"Your head is such an intriguing place..." Loki searched my eyes, his index finger stroking my temple. "I never knew you thought leather was _sexy_ ," Loki murmured in my ear, pressing a kiss to my temple.

Goosebumps instantly sprang up my arms. I let the cold move to my head.

Loki gasped, his breath gone from my neck. "Your thoughts, they are gone." A frown creased his marble forehead and his smirk had fallen from his face.

"Good." It was my turn to smirk. "And that's how it's going to stay."

A mischievous grin spread across Loki's face as he gripped my waist tighter, pulling me against him. "We'll see..." His lips were on mine - powerful and merciless. The smell of leather overwhelmed me, his touch causing sparks all over my body.

I tugged on his hair as his tongue traced my bottom lip. I didn't let him in. Loki's hand fell from my cheek, tracing down my arm before his hand was in mine, lifting it and pressing it against the wall behind us. My back touched the wall as Loki's lips moved against mine. A wall? He'd used magic to change our position in the cell.

His helmet tipped backwards off of my head as I reached up onto my toes, tilting my head to deepen the kiss. Loki hummed deep in his throat, his body flush against mine. This stunning immortal was kissing me, was in love with me. His tongue traced my lip again. I transported us in the room this time, onto the bed. I straddled the God as his mouth opened in shock, my tongue went between his parted lips. Loki's hands were on the back of my thighs, his tongue battling against mine for dominance.

Loki's lips left mine. I opened my eyes. Blue eyes were inches from mine above me. My heart beat a frantic symphony in my chest and I'd lost the ability to breath.

Loki hovered above me, his enlarged pupils casting nearly all of the ice blue in his irises away. His hair hung around his face in dead straight strands, his lips pulling up into a smirk. "It would seem I can enter your thoughts when you are distracted, Midgardian."

I shook my head as Loki lay down next to me in the cramped space between my body and the wall. "I wasn't distracted."

"I believe you were..." Loki purred, his thin finger trailing up my arm. "Your thoughts just flickered again."

I turned on my side to look at Loki, resting on my face on my hand. "Before meeting you I never thought I'd say this: but I missed you, Mischief."

"I missed you, Midgardian," he whispered into my hair, pulling me closer and holding my free hand.

"It all seemed to be going so right..." I mumbled, pressing my face into his armour. "And now... Now..." I shook my head, turning away from Loki. The tears threatened to spill down my cheeks.

Loki let go of my hand, pulling me against him and burying his face into my hair. "I know of your fate and I will not let them kill you, Freya."

I clicked my fingers, putting myself on the other side of the room. My back turned to Loki. "If I'd never of saved that rat all those years ago I would be normal right now. Everything would be fine."

"There is no beauty in normality." Loki appeared in front of me. His hand was gentle under my chin, making me look up at him. "Freya, your power is something of great beauty."

"You don't understand, every day since the accident all I could think about was what if? What if I'd been normal? I would never have killed my brother, I would never have killed Johnson. I would never have been in this situation."

"You would never have saved me, you would have handed me in the moment you saw me. You would not have been who you are now." Loki put his hand on my cheek. "You would not be you."

"Loki..." I leant into his touch.

"You would not have saved me. I am of a rational mind yet I still believe that everything happens for a reason, Freya." Loki took my hand in his. "I met you for a reason and you met me for a reason."

"Everything happens for a reason? I killed Johnson, what was the reason for that?" I whispered.

"I was the reason for his death, I take full responsibility for it. I-"

"You didn't kill him, freeze his heart," I sobbed, the tears finally falling down my cheeks.

Loki caught a tear on this thumb. "No but if I had not been there, if Johnson had not threatened me then he would not be dead. I am the reason he is dead, Freya - not you. Stark told me what he said to Fury: he was right if you could not kill me in cold blood then you could never kill an innocent man like Johnson. Your innocence may be tainted but you are still a good person, Freya. You have made two mistakes in your life and they are punishing you for that whereas I..." Loki shook his head, sighing. "I have made hundreds of mistakes that weigh upon my shoulders each day. I am the one who should face retribution for Johnson's death, not you."

A knock sounded at the door before I could argue back, make my point.

I stepped away from Loki, letting my hand fall from his. I couldn't let him take the blame for something I'd done.

Loki's eyes shone with humour as he picked up his staff. "You are still wearing my helmet, Midgardian."

I reached up and took the contraption off of my head, putting it onto Loki's head. "There you go, you can be a confused reindeer now."

"A _sexy_ reindeer none the less." Loki winked at me, grinning. He'd watched far too much of the Vampire Diaries when I'd left him alone in my house, he was practically turning into Damon Salvatore.

The adjective seemed peculiar coming from Loki, making me laugh. I shook my head - it was definitely debatable.

"Thor turned up shortly after you did, reindeer games - Phil wants to talk to you both. He knows you're here now, Laufeyson." Stark opened the door, smiling at me. "Nice to see a smile on your face, kid."

I nodded, tucking a stray strand of my hair behind my ear. "Thanks, Stark, what you're doing - it means a lot."

Stark shrugged, stroking his goatee. "My name is Tony, feel free to use it, that's what it's there for."

I laughed, nodding. "Will do."

Loki stepped forward, the definition of elegance and power. "Tony, where is-"

"Ah ah, you can't call me Tony, only the lady can - you Mischief, can call me Stark or Iron Lord. Take your pick." Stark smirked at Loki, winking at me before walking ahead of us.

I laughed again. "Iron Lord sounds great."

"He is not a king though so he lacks power..." Loki muttered, holding out his hand. "My dear."

"Call me that again and I'll freeze your tongue, Mischief." I smiled sweetly at the God taking his hand as we walked out of the cell, following Stark down the corridor.

"What ever happens I love you, know that Freya," Loki whispered, his lips grazing my ear.

"I love you too, Loki," I whispered. And that's why I have to do whatever I can to stop you from taking the blame for Johnson's death. If only I could say it out loud...

The Avengers sat, talking to Phil. Everyone froze as soon as Stark walked into the room. Every pair of eyes landed on Loki - some angry, some sad, some curious. His presence alone caused a tension to build in the air. As soon as his horned head passed under the doorway everyone had fallen silent and had become tense as if waiting for a fight to break out.

Loki kept his head held high, yet his armour disappeared as if to say he was not a threat. They would never trust him, I knew that and somewhere deep down I think Loki knew it too. I guess that's why he'd made his armour disappear - a sign of peace.

Loki let go of my hand, walking to the head of the table. "I will make a deal with you all. I have not come to Midgard to bargain - I will simply state my offer and if you do not take it I will take matters into my own hands."

Captain America looked at Loki, coughing. Thor changed position in his chair, watching his brother with curious eyes.

Phil grimaced, catching my gaze. "What's your deal?"

"Tell the council Freya cannot die or I will come down to earth and seek my revenge on them and then... The rest of the world." Loki gripped his staff tighter, standing taller. "They shall know of my wrath. I will need no army to slaughter each member of the defence council, of the UN - one by one.

"What do we do with Freya instead then?" Phil raised an eyebrow at Loki. He kept his hands on the table, twiddling his thumbs. He was nervous. Loki had killed him and here I was standing by his side.

"As long as she is not harmed or killed whatever you see fit, director. I know you are a man of your word." Loki nodded his head at Phil in a respectful gesture.

"The council and the UN want her dead in eight days and that's what's going to happen, Laufeyson - even you, a mighty God, cannot stop that." Fury walked into the room, taking a seat next to Phil.

Loki's jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed. "Fake her death then Fury, I know you are quite the expert at such a thing," Loki's voice dripped with venom and his glare was furious.

"Then she spends the rest of her days in a cell - every last one until her last day. Even if I fake her death she can't go out in the open, she can't live a life anymore. She gave her freedom up the minute she put her hand to Johnson's chest." Fury shrugged, pushing his sunglasses up his nose.

I sighed. It was better than dying, a lot better.

"You cannot put her in a cell for the rest of her life," Loki snapped. "That is not fair."

"You said anything other than death. And besides what would you know of fairness. How do I even know you'll keep your end of the bargain? You are the God of Mischief and Lies - it's in your job descriptions to deceive." Fury leant back in his chair, gripping the arm rests. He never looked away from Loki, never flinched under the God's furious gaze.

"I shall take her to Asgard then," Loki's words were matter-o-fact, a statement Fury couldn't argue with.

"I have a cabin in the mountains in Mexico..." Stark muttered.

"And when she causes a blizzard what will you do? Everyone will notice snow in Mexico," Fury snapped. "Miss Swinton killed someone and she has to face the consequences."

I stepped forward. "I don't want to go to Asgard or Mexico. Fury's right I killed Johnson, I deserve to be punished for it."

Fury looked to Bruce then to me. "There is one alternative that we've been considering - you can walk away free and never have to look back at S.H.I.E.L.D again."

"What?" I stepped past Loki, ignoring the hand he placed on my bicep.

"S.H.I.E.L.D has created a serum that can take away your power, undo the cold." Fury leant forward on his elbows on the table, resting his chin on his hands.

"You can do that?" It seemed too good to be true.

"We have always been able to," Fury said it so coolly, so casually. "The day you got your powers your parents wanted a cure for you. We found one."

I couldn't believe what he'd just said. No. Why hadn't they told me sooner. "Then why didn't you when you captured me last?! Johnson would still be alive! Karl would still be here!"

"Because once upon a time, Miss Swinton, S.H.I.E.L.D saw you as an asset, a could-be hero." Fury's words had the same effect as his bullet had. They smashed into me. Made me dizzy. I felt sick, the feeling penetrating somewhere deep in my stomach.

"This is all your fault," I spat. The ice spread inside my gloves, freezing cold and fierce. Anger made my heart pound, my head spin. My arms turned blue, snowflakes spreading across them.

Fury laughed, shaking his head. "My fault? You're the murderer here, not me."

I clenched my jaw. Looked away from Fury. I did anything to stop myself from killing him. I wanted so desperately to hit him, to make him feel the pain I felt right now. Johnson didn't need to die. Karl didn't need to die. S.H.I.E.L.D had used me as one of their many pawns.

"Take my life, do not take away her powers." Loki stepped in front of me. "I have taken many more lives than her - Manhattan was my doing, Germany my work. I have far more guilt then she ever will, I killed those people in cold blood. I am a murderer."

"No, shut up." I pulled on the gloves, trying to peel them off of my skin. The ice inside them made them crack before they fell to the floor in shards. "They can't kill you, you're a God. Take away my powers."

Loki caught my gaze, shaking his head. "Frey-"

"No this isn't your choice to make. I'm dangerous, I want them gone... For good." I shook my head. "I have to do this Loki, for everyone's sake."

Loki gripped my bicep, his lips a thin line. "You cannot take away your powers they are who you are. It is like extinguishing your soul, a denial of yourself is to deny life itself."

"No, they're not." I stepped away from Loki. "They're not who I am, they make me a monster." I pulled my sleeve up and held my arm out to Bruce, all the while keeping Loki's gaze. "Do it."

"Are you sure?" Bruce's hand hovered over his pocket.

"I want to be normal again... Please." I broke Loki's gaze watching as the needle broke my skin, the bright blue liquid entering my veins.

I hissed. It burned but not because it was hot, it was freezing. Far colder than the ice already in my veins. I fell to my knees, clinging to my head. It was so painful. It scorched its way through my veins, burned my skin. "No..." I squeaked. The ice, the cold it was being amplified. It wasn't working. "It's making it w-worse." I was shivering as the ice took over my veins, rushed to the one destination it needed to control me. My heart.

I shook, using the table to stand up. "I have to go." Ice spread around me in tendrils. The room temperature plummeted below zero degrees.

"Freya." Loki reached out to touch me. He hissed, recoiling from me as his hand turned black. I'd given him frostbite.

He went to touch me again but Thor stepped between us, pulling his brother away from me. "Loki, do not touch her she will kill you."

"No," Loki snapped, pulling against his brother's grip. "Freya..." His staff fell to the floor with a clatter.

I stumbled away from everyone, holding out my hands. "Stay away, please. It hasn't worked." I was so cold, freezing. The hair that had fallen into my eyes had turned a deep blue. My reflection in the window across from me showed a blue skinned woman, her eyes a vivid blue. No.

Pain. It had started off as a dull ache but it was building in my chest, rising - a stabbing rush. I clutched my chest, falling to my knees.

"Fight it, Freya." Phil. That was Phil's voice. It seemed distant as I fought to keep my eyes open. My palms grazed against the ice on the floor, my blood staining the ice. I closed my eyes, trying desperately to push the cold away, to make the pain go away. My cheek was numb against the ice floor. My heart pounded in my ears, increasing in speed, increasing in volume - a deafening roar. And then it stopped - a fading note - before it started again a slow beat in my chest. I felt nothing. No relief washed over me. No happiness that it was over. I felt nothing. This was different from the last time I had lost control of the cold. This time my emotions weren't dangling in front of me for me to cling onto if I really tried. They weren't there at all.


	23. Chapter 23

**Okay so I'm back, no more homework and a hell of a lot of free time so we all know what that means!** **I'm so sorry I took so long to come back! xx**

Light. There was so much light. I pushed myself up off of the floor. Ice covered everything and everyone. This mess, this had been created by me. I'd done it. The ice glittered in the fading light outside as the light skittered across its surface. No one moved, watching me. Waiting. Breaths were shallow and muscles tense.

The cold... It burned through my veins - a mixture of fire and ice. It scorched wherever it touched inside of me. The sensation wasn't painful, just... Unusual because no matter how much it burned me I couldn't feel a thing. Snowflakes glittered on my skin, every inch of my skin was blue - a chilling, sapphire shade far darker than Loki's blue eyes. I flicked my wrist. Ice skittered across the floor in small triangles. The cold scorched inside of my arm, burning me as I used it. Yet I couldn't feel a thing.

"F-Freya?" I looked away from my blue arms, to Phil's lighter blue gaze. His lips parted as he slowly rose from his seat. His hands supported his weight on the table in front of him. Phil's arms shook ever so slightly, his eyes never leaving mine. "Freya, are you okay?"

Nothing. I couldn't feel anything. No remorse for accepting the 'cure'. No guilt. No worry or heartache at the defeated look on Phil's face. I shook my head. Dark blue hair fell into my eyes. I had blue hair... I couldn't feel alarm, shock at the sudden change. What on earth had happened to me? I couldn't feel the flutter of emotions in my chest like I normally had when I turned my emotions off. Yet here I was standing in the middle of the room, absurdly calm. Each one of my breaths was a cloud in the chilly air.

"I'm fine, Phil." My voice was cold and monotone; my usual sarcasm didn't bleed through. The ease of feeling nothing at all was oddly blissful. "In fact, I've never felt better." It was true. Not being able to feel the pain, the grief, the sadness - it made everything easier.

Phil shivered, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't because of the cold in the room. It was freezing in here yet only now did Phil wrap his arms around himself, his face flooding with one emotion: sadness. His eyes dulled and his shoulders fell. I couldn't feel the same way - feel his sadness - I could only watch as Phil tried to hold himself together. He didn't say anything, his lips pressing into a thin line.

I turned my head from Phil, drawing the ice back in, watching the delicate tendrils weave their way back to me. The temperature in the room was still freezing but the ice was gone. For now. I had more control now, no feelings to make me lose my temper suddenly, to lose control of the cold.

I stepped forward - ice spread around my foot in delicate swirls on the floor - each one of my footsteps sounded with a small crunch. "You're all safer this way." I nodded my head, reaching up and pushing my hair out of my face. Who was I trying to convince: them or myself?

Wanda's blue eyes met mine as she stood up - her eyes were sad, the same sadness they held whenever she spoke about her brother - they held the grief of loss. "Freya, what have you done?"

"I did what I thought was right." I moved closer to Wanda. Ice appeared on her skin - it was coming from me and I hadn't even touched her. I was dangerous.

"Y-You're so cold," she whispered, her foot crunching on the ice behind her as she stepped away from me. "You're f-freezing, Freya."

"I'm still me, I'm still Freya Sigyn Swinton," I whispered, holding out my hand to her. "I haven't changed." But I had and perhaps this time it was irreversible. The damage I'd just done to myself because of the desperation of wanting to be normal. Yet it still didn't erase the past, erase what I had done. It had just erased the feelings that had come with the haunting of the past.

"No." Wanda's hair fell into her eyes as she looked to the floor. "You're not you. You can't feel anything. You could kill someone right now - purposely or by accident - and you wouldn't be able to feel a thing." Tears clung to her lower lash line, her voice croaky.

I expected to reel back at her words, feel there bluntness but I felt nothing. Just numb. I reached out to take Wanda's hand, my nails a vivid blue. Her skin was warm against mine for the brief second we touched before Wanda hissed, pulling her hand away from me. Her hand was blue as she cradled it against her chest. She flinched away from me, her eyes widening. She was scared. Wanda an all powerful miracle was scared of me... An even worse miracle, I was a nightmare.

I'd just hurt Wanda with just one touch. What if it had been her chest? I moved away from everyone, heading towards the door. I avoided the one gaze I couldn't confront, the one gaze that I knew should have hurt me the most. But it wouldn't, I wouldn't feel a thing. Loki's blue eyes could stare into mine for eternity and I would never feel love. It was as if I never loved him in the first place.

"You've become the monster you never wanted to be, Miss Swinton," Fury called after me. "One touch and you could kill someone, heck, you will kill someone. I can't let you leave."

Ice crunched under my feet as I stopped. I wanted to feel the anger towards Fury, the frustration at not being able to be angry. The despair at my decision, the sickening twist of regret in my stomach. But there was nothing. I wanted to cry, to scream, to shout. I just stood there like a doll, emotionless. Inside the ice rushed through my veins, making me colder, even more numb.

"You can't keep me here, just because I can't feel doesn't mean I don't know how dangerous I am. I can't feel my own fear but I can feel all of yours." I turned to look at everyone then. Captain America sat back in his seat, wary of me. Phil stood watching me, his face torn between two emotions. Natasha and Clint sat tense, their hands underneath the table most likely resting on their weapons. Bruce sat rapidly writing notes with Tony by his side.

"I've never felt better. I've never felt stronger, more powerful." I lifted my hand and hundreds of snowflakes fell from the ceiling - a frozen riot. "It's easier this way - I can't feel anything. And the ice, I can feel it but I can control it, make it do what ever I want it to do." The snowflakes stopped falling, suspended in the air around everyone.

Tony's brown gaze met mine. The only person in the room who was still looking at me the way he had before the serum. "We can fix you, make your emotions come back. The ice has probably just frozen the receptors in your limbic system, so your emotions have been turned off. You're going to be alright, kid. I'll make sure you're okay."

I shook my head, wishing there was a lump in my throat as I turned away from them all. It was time to leave. "I can't be helped." I let my hand fall back to my side. A flash of light shone through the room before all of the snowflakes disappeared.

"Freya, do not do this to yourself. Do not do this to Coulson, to Wanda... To me. I do not care if I sound selfish. I _want_ you. I _love_ you. I _cannot_ let you leave." Loki. His words were raw, his voice soft. I hadn't looked at him at all. I knew he was being held back by his brother. I couldn't look at him, see the heartbreak on his face and not feel the same way. "This is not you - you never were the girl with the frozen heart. Freya, there is a reason you see grief in everyone's eyes: we have all lost you. Feel again, _please_."

"I'm not lost. I'm perfectly fine thank you," I snapped. A small flicker of pain hit my chest before it vanished. Emotions. No. Just as quickly as they had appeared they'd gone, taken by the ice. Every time an emotion surfaced more ice took its place. "I'm leaving." I reached for the door. Ice rushed through my veins, pounding in my ears. For every emotion, hundreds of ice crystals rushed to quench it. I could have stopped it if I really tried but I... I didn't want to. I wanted to stay in the numbness, it was bearable being there.

Sapphire eyes stared into mine - the storm within in them was eerily calm. Not what I was expecting at all. Loki's lean frame blocked my exit. His gold-plated, leather-clad chest inches away from me. His scent washed over me, yet my heart didn't flutter, it did nothing at all.

I looked away from him, gritting my teeth. This should have been painful - breaking his heart. "Move, Laufeyson. Why are you making this harder then it needs to be?" I could feel the cold in my hands, ready to be used at a moments notice.

"Never, I will not let you damage yourself, your reputation, your family and friends." Loki's golden armour shone in the room's light. "I promised you that I would not leave you, I intend to keep that promise."

I didn't move, willing anger or any emotion at all to shine through, to hit me. I wanted to break down on the floor in tears or yell so loudly that the glass would vibrate, but I couldn't. I wasn't sad or angry. "Let me leave, Laufeyson, don't make me move you. You're making this harder for yourself, for everyone."

"My name is Loki and I am not Loki Laufeyson, I am Loki Odinson." His voice was right by my ear, his breath rushing across my skin. I kept my head turned. "Freya, please stay, let all of us help you. You are losi-"

"Since when did you care about any one but yourself?" I stepped closer to the God, my words free of guilt. I stared up into his eyes, watching as he flinched from the growing cold. "Was it the moment you got your god damn throne or when you got your mother killed?" Ice shone on the God's armour, making rainbows dance across both of our skin.

Loki's nostrils flared. His jaw clenched. The storm in his eyes broke free. I may as well have drove a dagger through his chest the effect my words had on him. "Here I was thinking no one could be colder than I. How wrong I was. Whenever I lied, I fought, I betrayed I would feel the guilt, the remorse and quite often the regret. But you, you cannot feel a thing and that is what makes you dangerous. It is an unbecoming look on you, Midgardian."

"Then let me leave before someone gets hurt," I said, my voice monotone bordering on bored.

"No, I cannot you leave. This time it is not to protect you, but to protect everyone else. You are far more dangerous when you cannot feel then when you can." Loki stood taller, his blue eyes narrowed. Dark circles clung under his eyes and his jaw muscles leapt.

"Don't make this harder then it already it is." I shoved the god to the side with my shoulder, walking past him.

Loki's hand encircled my wrist. "It is not hard for you. You are not having your heart wrenched from your chest."

"Nothing you can say will change me," I whispered over my shoulder. "Nothing you do will make me change. I can't feel a thing. I don't care, Loki."

Loki appeared in front of me again, his blue eyes drinking in my face. "I love you - does that not mean anything to you?" Loki's hands were warm against my face, holding my cheeks. "You have the God of Mischief and Lies on his knees, Midgardian. _Please_ , let us help you, let me help you. I had my mother wrenched from my grasp and now... Now you are leaving me." His lips pressed against mine - warm and soft. Yet they didn't illicit the response I thought they would have - no butterflies in my stomahc or sparks where he touched me. Nothing. No, I couldn't lead him on like this even if I couldn't feel the guilt. He'd been hurt too much already, I couldn't hurt him anymore.

I pulled away from him, our lips detaching slowly. His lips were cold where my lips had been underneath my two fingers. "Loki..." Two words. Just two simple words: 'it doesn't' and his heart would be broken, shattered.

Loki's forehead rested against mine, his expression wounded. He knew. The way his mouth fell at the sides and his eyes darkened confirmed it.

I clicked my fingers changing my position in the room. My boots thudded on top of the table. "Please just stop. Stop trying to bring back something that clearly isn't there. I am no longer the Freya you knew."

"Then who are you? I refuse to believe all emotion has bled from your system that you cannot even feel the slightest hint of regret, of guilt, of sadness..." Loki's black hair fell into his eyes as he shook his head. "Answer me - who are you?" Anger slowly crept into his voice, made his eyes shine.

"I'm a villain - I've killed an innocent man and I intend to run from my sins..." I looked down watching the ice trailed up from my feet, cling to my clothes. It weaved through the fabric making it into something different: a strong material like that of leather. It clung to my skin, cold and strong. I let my eyes wander slowly from my new clothes to Loki. My gaze burned as I glared at him. "I'm your enemy now."

"And if I try to stop you? If I get in the way of your plans to ruin yourself?" Loki stepped forward, his sceptre appearing in his hand. "What will it come to then?"

I wanted my stomach to wrench at thought of hurting Loki but nothing happened. Instead ice rose from the floor in spikes - sharp and deadly. "I know no mercy now." I was falling back into the cold, spiralling out of control. "Your death will mean nothing to me." Any part of me who had been wanting to spare the God's heart, his feelings disappeared - burned away by the ice.

"So you are threatening me?" Loki remained remarkably still as a single point of ice grazed his throat.

"An ant has no quarrel with a boot," I snapped, the ice forming steps down from the table. I stood on each step slowly, carefully - watching Loki. He never moved. My feet touched the floor.

A sickening smirk flashed across Loki's face. "But it is those who wear the boot which have the quarrel with the ant." Loki lifted his hand - a green light enveloped me. "I will not let you leave."

"Loki," I hissed, ice rising even further from the floor. The single blade of ice already at his throat pushed harder against his skin. "Stop it."

"You cannot kill me - I am a God." Loki touched the ice. It turned to water, falling to the floor in a puddle.

An avalanche of snow rushed across the room, hitting Loki. The green light disappeared.

I ran. Ran right for the door. Something wrapped around my leg. My knees hit the floor followed by my hands. "You bastard..." I muttered, scrambling to my feet.

Loki stood, watching me - waiting for my next move.

I raised my palm, directing it at him. Ice flew towards Loki. It was a vivid blue as it rushed across the room for the God. Loki raised his palm - green hitting blue. The two colours made a deafening squeal as they collided.

Neither being moved. I kept my feet planted firmly to the floor, letting the power rush through me. Loki mimicked my pose, his face unnervingly calm.

I put my other hand up, forcing more ice toward Loki. He stepped backwards, frowning as he lifted his other hand. His sceptre fell to the floor with a clatter.

I lent backwards before pushing my hands forwards. The extra power surge made difference as Loki kept his stance. The green spilling from his hands brightened as he took a step forwards. Dammit.

"Brother, you have found your equal," Thor boomed from across the room.

Ice shone on the floor, rushing towards Loki. It slipped in his feet. Loki moved backwards, his feet sliding underneath him.

I stepped forward, forcing the God backwards. The green slowly ebbed away as blue took over.

Loki's back hit the pane of glass behind him. His frown deepened, his marble features creasing even more.

I kept walking towards him, the ice becoming brighter. "Let. Me. Leave." I stopped a few steps away from the God, glaring up at him. The blue and green disappeared.

Loki's sceptre appeared in his hand. "No." His voice was strained and quiet but it had no effect on me.

Ice flew from my hand in shards towards Loki. They weaved past him, missing him by an inch before they hit the glass behind him. The glass he was leaning on.

Loki's mouth opened in shock before the glass squealed behind him. Cracks weaved across the surface before it fractured fully. Shards fell backwards into the air.

Loki reached towards me, the ice around him falling to the floor below. His blue eyes were wide as he reached for me, pleading.

"Brother!" Thor yelled, running towards Loki.

"Freya!" Phil rushed towards me.

I lifted my hand and a curtain of ice stopped them in their tracks. Loki's hand was warm in mine as I stopped him from falling.

I gripped his hand, stepping forwards. I was the only thing stopping Loki from falling...

"Freya, please." Loki's nails dug into my hand as he struggled.

I was going to kill him. Kill Loki, the one person who had been able to save me from the ice. The guilt hit me hard. It winded me, squeezing around my chest. I gasped.

Ice wrapped around Loki's hand rushing across his skin. No. No. No. That wasn't what I wanted. More ice surged forwards banishing the emotions which were overwhelming me.

Loki yelled out, wrenching his hand from mine. The storm in his eyes was wild, his lips parted in a silent scream.

"Loki!" I rushed to the edge, watching the God plummet towards the floor, towards the broken glass "No..." A violent shiver shook my body as the cold burned through my veins, igniting my heart. It beat far too loudly in my ears, deafening me.

Arms encircled my waist. Warm breath hit my neck. "Stop. If you do not let me in, let anyone in you are going to be the desolate person you feared you would become, Freya. Whatever made you turn off your emotions-"

Loki. He wasn't dead. It had been an illusion. The thought didn't bring relief or... Anything. I hit him in the chin, pulling away from him, stepping towards the door. "No. Don't come near me. No one come near me. I'm dangerous. What part of that don't you understand? You want to know why I turned off my emotions?"

Loki nodded, keeping my gaze.

"I was scared. Scared to move. Scared to breathe. Scared to touch. I was constantly scared I would hurt someone again and I eventually did - I _killed_ Johnson. All of the people in this room are in danger whenever I'm near them. I can't lose Phil. I can't lose Wanda. I can't lose _you_." I took a step backwards towards the door, letting my hair fall into my eyes. "You walked into my life and saved me from myself and now... Now I have to save you from myself. Losing you after what happened, thinking you were dead - I won't survive if that happens again, Loki. And it's my fault." I took another step towards the door. "I let my walls fall down and I got attached. I fell in love with you, the most dangerous thing I could have done. And then you died in my arms. You _died_ , after everything we went through, everything I did, you died. The feeling of having lost you, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't function. It hurt so much. But the guilt, the guilt from killing two innocent people... I couldn't do it. But now, I can't feel a thing and that's... That's good. Not feeling at all is better. Look at what just happened, I nearly killed you because my emotions took over me. Not feeling anything is better, I know it is. It's as if I never had any guilt, like I never-"

"Like you never loved me." Loki's voice cracked at the end, his utterance so quiet. His blue eyes shone briefly before he blinked. I could practically see the cracks rushing through his heart, splintering it. When Loki opened his eyes they were raging - the storm inside of them lit up with different flashes of sapphire.

I had to push him away. Save him. "Yes, like I never loved you." I wanted my voice to crack the way his did. I wanted my throat to feel like sandpaper. I wanted the tears to be running down my cheeks, dampening my top. But I just stood there, completely and utterly emotionless.

"Goodbye, Loki." I looked to Phil, nodding my head. "Goodbye, Phil."

Wanda was already looking at me, shaking her head. Her bottom lip trembled, her hands clenching by her sides.

"Goodbye, Wanda." I nodded my head, stepping out of the meeting room door and walking down the steps.

Armed guards blocked my path. Fury's work no doubt.

"Miss, put your hands up." The guard at the front of the cluster of black pointed his gun at me.

I let a smirk spread across my face. "Are you sure?" The cold rushed forward, consuming me. The thoughts rushing through my head should have been sickening, shouldn't have been there at all. I didn't stop them as I stepped closer to the guard. Ice shone on his gun and uniform.

The guard nodded. "Yes, I want you to put your hands up, miss."

"Okay." I raised my hands. Ice shot from the floor, weaving between the guards' belt straps and pulling them upwards. They all hung from the ceiling, guns held by small pieces of ice below them.

"Freya, please stop!" Phil stood at the top of the balcony, shaking his head. His tie hung open and his shirt was creased. Small patches of sweat clung under his arms whilst tears clung underneath his eyes.

I kept walking, the ice following me.

A click of a gun sounded behind me.

My feet crunched on the ice as I turned to look at Phil. "Go on then, shoot me," I called over my shoulder. "I won't feel a thing."

Phil's hands shook as he raised his gun, aiming it at me. "Don't make me do it, kiddo. Please, don't."

I turned to face Phil, shaking my head. "I'm not making you do anything, Coulson."

A shimmer of green appeared beside Phil. A pale hand touched the top of Phil's gun. "Do not do it, Coulson."

Now was the time to escape. I ran for the doors, my hands slamming against the handles and wrenching them open. I quickly shut them, placing my palms against the glass. Ice splintered across the material, freezing it in place.

Raven hair and a sapphire eyes were distorted behind the ice, watching me. "Freya, I know the ice no longer controls you that this is entirely of your own doing. The ice may be powerful but surely this is not possible." Loki placed his hand against the glass, blue eyes watching me. "I cannot believe that you would have made me fall. Nearly killed those guards. Tortured Coulson like that." His voice was clear through the glass, most likely the cause of magic.

I let the ice from my head drop so Loki could read my thoughts, see the damage for himself. I pressed my hand against his, mirroring his pose.

"I'm dangerous, Loki," I whispered.

His face contorted with pain. "No..." His voice was so quiet, so low.

I took another step away from him, my hand falling from the door. "I have to leave, for everyone's sake."

"Stop what you are doing, stop this madness. We can help you, I can help you." Loki's fist struck the door making it shudder.

"No you can't help me. You should just let me go. Go back to Asgard and forget about me."I took another step backwards.

"Forget you? Midgardian, you are engraved into my mind, your touch seared onto my lips. No matter what I do I will never banish your image from my mind." Loki pressed both of his palms to the glass. "After everything we have been through, you cannot simply walk away."

"I'm saving everyone."I wanted my to feel sick right now, feel the pain of doing this to someone who was already so broken. Someone I had started to fix and was now delivering the brutal blows to reduce him to rubble again.

"You need not be the hero, Freya." Loki glanced over his shoulder and then back at me. "There are far too many heroes prancing about the place in their jumpsuits and capes. You need not be the villain either, I can assure there are far too many of those in the universe and none of them will ever win against the Avengers - with or without an army."

"I never was the hero and I never will be the hero, Loki." I had to push him away. "And neither will you." I'll never forget the look in his eyes despite his face remaining perfectly still. Emotionless or not. The blue being replaced by black as his pupil expanded. The shock flooding through his eyes, the water gathering in his lash line.

"I saw in your head your plan to push me away, it will not work. I saw the cold and how you embraced it before we fought. But I cannot say that your words have not hurt me." Loki sighed, his breath fogging up the glass.

I took another step away from the door, from him. "Odin took you back to Asgard, you've got your whole life ahead of you. A kingdom to rule."

"As have you. You have great power which could be used for great things once controlled." Loki's palms glowed green as he placed them to the door.

"We're lethal to each other, nothing good has come out of this... This mess." I stepped towards Loki, placing my palms to his.

"I have, I am good." Loki frowned, his palms growing brighter as he tried to open the door.

I bit my tongue holding back the words I knew would damage him the most. I shook my head, taking another step toward him. "I loved you once, remember that. Remember I was good once. Goodbye, Loki." I closed my eyes, stopping my fight against the cold, letting it flood me fully. Instead of me controlling it, I let it control me.

I stepped back from the door.

Loki sank to his knees. His hands slid down the door. Blue stared down at the floor. Tears fell down his marble cheeks.

The horse rose out of the ground - its mane ornate and long down the side of the horse's neck. It's breath was a cloud in the air. I clung to it's mane, lifting myself onto it's back. The camera blinked down at me, black lens focusing only on me. "Catch me if you can."

I kicked the horse in the flanks. It reared once - neighing - the sun sparkling on it's skin. And then it started running. I was running away. Running away from Phil. From Wanda. From Loki. Without regret. Without guilt. But the worst part - the part that should have set my teeth on edge, my heart plummeting, put tears in my eyes - wasn't there either. Heartache wasn't hitting me at all.


	24. Chapter 24

Rubble littered the floor. Broken fragments of glass glinted in the morning light. A thin layer of ice decorated the floor where I lay. I hadn't really had a choice in where I'd slept. Everything had started to spin and then I was out cold. Poof, and so I was in an abandoned warehouse like some cheesy cliché bad guy, well woman. It was the only place I could find where S.H.I.E.L.D might not find me.

Before my untimely unconsciousness I did hack the feed for the camera in the meeting room in the S.H.I.E.L.D base which was lit with activity, it probably had been all night. No one had moved from their places - the only person absent from the room was Loki. My phone was the only thing not covered in ice. It reflected my blue skin and sapphire hair.

I sat up, ice rising from the ground to create a chair for me to sit on. My phone rose from the the floor on a grand table made of clear ice. I leant on my chin, watching the figures on the screen in front of me.

"Where the hell would she have gone?" Fury slammed his fist onto the table startling everyone. "What the hell is she gonna do next?" Good question... One of which I didn't know the answer to. Fury's sunglasses hung on the front of his shirt as he leant forward, his eyes scanning the Avengers and Phil. "Do you think it will even work?"

Phil nodded, his hands crossed under the table. He hadn't changed and judging by the dark circles under his eyes he hadn't slept either. "It will, if it made him cry then it will make her too."

Make me cry? What on earth did they mean? Who else had shed tears? It hadn't of been Phil.

Wanda shook her head. Her hair was in a messy bun trailing down the back of neck. "I should be there for her when it happens."

"They'll bring her back here and then I'll take her home." Phil reached across the table and squeezed Wanda's hand. "You can come with her if you want, she'll need someone with her."

What on earth were they talking about?

 _"Sir, we know of her whereabouts we're sending a squad in now. Well, we're trying to..."_ Maria Hill's voice drifted through the room on my phone screen.

They'd finally found me... Took them long enough I suppose.

"What do you mean trying to?" Phil frowned, keeping hold of Wanda's hand.

 _"She's frozen the doors, the warehouse - it's a fortress, it's impenetrable."_

Phil ran a hand over his face before looking to Fury. "Send him in."

"What if Maiden Freya kills my brother?" Thor's blonde hair fell into his eyes. "He is an Avenger now, not a disposable toy soldier."

"She won't. She's listening in now. I know you're there, Freya." Phil looked directly into the camera. "I know you, you know yourself - this... This _thing_ the serum made you, it isn't you."

I hit the phone off of the table. The screen crunched as it made contact with the floor. I wanted to feel angry. To cry. To feel something. I screamed at the top of my lungs. The ice that hung from the ceiling wobbled, a few shards even fell to the floor.

"I find screaming does nothing but make your throat sore, Midgardian." Blue eyes appeared first followed by raven black hair and golden armour. "I speak from experience of course."

"What are you doing here?" I leant back in my chair, watching the God stroll forwards his feet crunching on the ice.

"You cannot hide from me."

"You're a God, I know. You've informed me of your status since the day we met." I flicked my wrist - ice weaved through the air, snowflakes falling from it to the ground. It weaved around Loki, making patterns on his leather coat.

"I was not going to declare my status, instead I was simply going to say that I could never let you walk away. I will do everything in my power to get your emotions back." Loki flicked his wrist and the snowflakes and ice disappeared around him. "It is the least I could do considering all that you have done for me. I swore to you I would save you from your own self destruction and that is what I am doing, Freya."

I snorted, rolling my eyes. "My own self destruction? That's ridiculous."

"You are not the person I fell in love with, there is no trace of your humanity left." Loki's blue eyes watched me, unblinking. He stood rigidly, legs slightly apart and his lips in a straight line. In all honesty he looked like he was in pain. I couldn't see any physical wounds causing his discomfort, his marble skin was flawless. The wounds caused by Jay, by Johnson, by my shed had all disappeared.

"Please, do tell me how you're going to appeal to my humanity. Your attempts have been pathetic so far." I leant forward in my chair, glaring at Loki. "Please, do tell me how you're going to _save me_." I rolled my eyes, leaning backwards over the chair arm. "Please, sit." Another chair rose from the floor, behind Loki. I motioned to it with my hand.

"I want to help you." Loki didn't sit down. He didn't take his eyes off of me - they bore into me, searching for something that clearly wasn't there, someone who wasn't there.

"Help me? I'm beyond help." I snorted, slowly standing up. My clothes clung to my body, the fabric cold against my skin. My blue hair hung in strands across my face.

Loki took another step towards me. "I thought that about myself once. The roles have since been reversed. Please-"

A sheet of ice separated him from me. "I don't have time to waste on you. Their serum didn't work, it made the ice come back and even if my emotions do come back they'll put me in a cell. I'm dangerous - what part of that don't you understand?"

Loki shook his head, placing his hand to the ice. His lean fingers cast a shadow over the blue, his shadow casting me into darkness. "They will not put you back into a cell. They all care about you, even Fury. I _care_ about you."

"What do you mean they won't put me back in a cell?" I let the wall of ice fall to the floor in a pile of snow. I stared at the God before me, confused. What had he done?

"I have made a deal with them, with S.H.I.E.L.D and the UN and the Defence council." Loki kept my gaze, stepping over the ice.

"Which was?" I took a tentative step towards him.

"Coulson helped me arrange it, I swore my oath to him." Loki shook his head, looking away from me. His black eyelashes flickered together. He ran a pale hand through his hair, sighing. His breath was a large cloud in the cold air.

"What oath?" Ice crunched under my feet again. My breath was a cloud in front of me.

Loki's blue gaze was inches from mine. "I swore I would never come back to Midgard unless summoned by S.H.I.E.L.D in order to save Midgard. And..." Loki broke my gaze, looking to the side. His cheekbone was prominent in the growing darkness. "I am never to see you unless on official business from S.H.I.E.L.D so that you are forgiven for your crimes, so that you can control the ice. So that I will not influence you or your actions ever again." Loki looked at me then, his hand touching my cheek. "I have taken your crimes upon myself and I am therefore a criminal of Midgard. You are free to go, free of S.H.I.E.L.D. Never to see or hear from me again. You have no criminal record, all of what you have done has been erased."

"No..." A small shudder rattled inside of me. It made my heart rate accelerate. I balled my hands into fists as they shook by my sides. An ache was growing in my chest like that of a stitch but far more painful.

"S.H.I.E.L.D have agreed, it is official." Loki's Adam's apple bobbed as he swallowed. "You must understand I had no choice in my actions. I am a different man to the man you found on your sofa all those weeks ago. I am a better man - the man my mother and father wanted me to be. The man I know realise I should have been."

I shook my head. The ice around us rattled as the ache in my chest grew. It was so powerful. It made my bones rattle. "And if you break the deal? You come back to Midgard? You see me?" My voice shook. The blue staining my hands was slowly ebbing away revealing pale pink flesh. What was happening to me?

Loki's hair flew around his face whilst mine flew across my face. "You go back in a cell for the rest of your life, never to see daylight again. They will put you in the Raft Prison, whatever that means..." Loki removed the hair from my face, taking his hand from my cheek. "S.H.I.E.L.D know that I will not break such a deal, Freya. Your life is of high value to me."

"So I will never see you again?" I reached up and put my hand over his. The ache in my chest was overwhelming. It made my head spin, my knees shake. The sound of my heartbeat filled my ears, deafened me with its frantic symphony.

"You will never see me again. But I imagine you do not care..." Loki slid his hand out from under mine, stepping away from me. "It is only I who feels agony here. I suppose this news of my departure from Midgard will make no difference to you. You may even be glad to be rid of me. Your frozen heart will not break like mine is right now. I suppose losing you is recompense for all of my sins, the punishment I deserve. I thought I had everything I could ever want and then within hours of having it, it is wrenched from my grasp never to return." Loki's lips were set in a straight line. His hands hung still by his sides. This closely I could see the slight crook in his nose, the hint of green in his eyes. In the dim light shining through the warehouses frozen windows Loki's hair had a blue tint to it as it fell across his cheeks. Electricity sparked between us as his lips touched my forehead briefly. "I am glad I met you, that I destroyed your shed. That you threatened me with a baseball bat. That you showed me your powers, took me shopping, took me to the theme park, helped me find myself again." Loki's hand touched my chin, cradling my face. His blue eyes searched my face like they had once before when our lips were inches from each others before my date with Johnson. He was looking for a sign, to see if my humanity had resurfaced. "You and I are the same in some respects: we were both shattered beyond repair and unwilling to let anyone in. But you gave me the second chance that I needed and now here I am giving you the same."

A single hot tear fell down my cheek, making me shiver. "W-Why?"

Loki's signature smirk spread across his features. "I would have thought it obvious by now even for a Midgardian such as yourself: I love you, Freya Sigyn Swinton."

Everything had become still around us. The snowflakes hung suspended in the air. I didn't dare breathe in case something disturbed this moment.

I stared up into the Loki's eyes unable to look away from the beautiful blue. "Never see you again..." The air left my lungs as something deep inside of me cracked. The sensation was painful as something warm spilled around inside of me. More tears fell from my eyes. Anger gripped me. Sadness. It all came crashing back in an unrelenting tidal wave.

Loki stepped closer to me, holding me up.

"Don't..." I whispered, shaking my head. "You knew this would break me." I stood up straighter, gripping Loki's hands for support. "Don't leave. You can't leave."

"I must." His eyes held a different kind of sadness. His hands squeezed mine, tracing the lines on my palms. Loki's smirk had vanished from his face.

"Promise me something, please?" I caught Loki's gaze.

"Yes?"

"We'll meet again? I'll see you again?"

Loki smirked. "I promise."

"How do I know you're not lying?" I didn't let go of his hands, pulling him closer to me.

"Look into my eyes, surely my inner turmoil must be visible?" Sure enough his eyes were filled with a storm threatening to break free. His emotions were real. Everything he had just said was true. Loki's shoulders sank as a sigh escaped his lips.

I nodded, knowing he was telling the truth. "There's something else, isn't there? Something you're not telling me."

"After Jane visited Asgard and played a part in my mother's death - Odin has banned Midgardians from coming to Asgard. I cannot take you with me, where my duties lie. I have only just started earning his trust back I cannot break it immediately by breaking such a rule..." Loki's hands left mine to search in his pocket. He pulled out a golden bracelet decorated with silver designs of another world. It must be from Asgard. It started as a wide piece of metal before thinning towards its ends allowing it be slipped onto the wrist. A single green jewel glinted in the light of the room as he took my hand in his place. The metal was cool against my wrist. "Whenever you want to talk to me simply touch this emerald and I will appear to you - make sure you are alone when you use it. I fear both you and I will get severely reprimanded if caught. Something we are both accustomed to but all the same I wish to avoid such matters for now." Loki let go of my hand, smirking at me. His blue eyes had lightened and his cheekbones had become even more defined.

"Isn't this against your oath? Aren't you breaking the deal you made?" I frowned, twisting the bracelet around my wrist.

"I am the God of Mischief and Lies and you expect me to be a 'goodie two shoes'?" Loki stepped closer to me, his smirk practically radiating heat.

I smirked back. "Of course, stereotype breaking and all that jazz seem to be your thing at the moment. And Loki?"

Loki raised an immaculate eyebrow.

"Won't they notice you're missing when you come and see me?" I asked.

Warm breath rushed across the back of my neck. Loki still stood in front of me, unmoving yet his voice was by my ear. "I have the spectacular ability to be in two places at once, my dear."

I turned around to look at him. "Magical," I laughed. "Perhaps I should start calling you Professor Snape."

"When will you learn your mortal references are wasted on me?" Loki laughed before his smirk slipped from his face and his face grew serious. "Midgardian, you must promise me something?"

"Yes?"

"You have great power, use it for the good of others. Stark is a good man, he will help you. They will all help you. They are all good people. The reason they are all heroes is because they see good in people even when it may not be there, like you did in me." Loki gripped the bridge of his nose. "I believe what I am trying to say is be the hero that you were for me." He took my hands in his, his jaw clenching ever so slightly.

"I will, I promise." I nodded, pushing a strand of blue hair behind my ear.

"Good." Loki smiled before placing his lips against mine. His hands gripped my hips pulling me flush against him. I let my hands weave into his hair, pressing my lips harder onto his. Even being this close wasn't enough. I wanted to be closer. I didn't want to let go of him. The temperature had risen in the room, melting the ice beneath our feet. I didn't want to open my eyes, see him leave. Water dripped from the ceiling as the ice melted around us. It soaked our hair, our clothes, our skin. The smell of leather washed over me accompanied by Loki's unfamiliar scent that must be something from Asgard. Electricity ignited my lips, my veins. This was the romantic kiss every little girl dreamed of when watching a Disney film - the kind of kiss that set your soul on fire when you found your Prince. Loki was a Prince just not the kind of Prince five year old me expected to fall for at the time. My Prince clad in leather with a bad boy reputation.

I pulled my lips away from Loki's, keeping my eyes shut. "I love you, Loki Laufeyson."

Loki's chest vibrated against mine as he chuckled. "I love you too, Freya. Now keep your eyes closed and you won't see me leave," Loki whispered against my lips, breathless. "This is not goodbye, my dear, it will never be goodbye." His lips were on mine again - this time in a gentle motion. There was no desperation, no urgency - it was as if we had all of the time in the world.

My hands fell to my sides and Loki's presence disappeared slowly from my body. The last thing to vanish were his lips from mine. My knees gave way as I fell to the floor. I opened my eyes then. He was definitely gone. I was alone again. "Loki Laufeyson, I love you, you bastard." I let a small smile spread across my face. "You better come back soon."

The doors to my right flew open and armed guards filled into the warehouse - guns trained on me.

I lifted my hands in surrender, making eye contact with Maria Hill. "Take me in - I have control now." I slowly stood up, holding out my palm. A small rose appeared in it. I held it out to Maria.

Maria slipped her gun into her leg holster, watching me. She reached out, her hand shaking slightly before she took it in her palm. "Why isn't it melting?" Her blue eyes crinkled - she was confused.

"I don't want it to." I smiled at her. "The cold only does what I want it to now."

"And Loki, what about Loki?" Maria held the rose carefully, not moving her entire arm.

"He's back in Asgard, he's never coming back, unless of course S.H.I.E.L.D want him to." I nodded, wrapping my arms around myself.

The rose fell to the floor then as Maria hugged me. "I'm so sorry about what I said to you, about everything."

"So am I," I whispered into her shoulder.


	25. Chapter 25

No handcuffs were necessary this time. Maria had told all of the guards I wasn't a threat as long as they didn't make me one. I sat in the back of the van with my hands placed neatly in my lap. My nails were still blue... At least I wouldn't have to spend money on nail varnish anymore I suppose. The air-con was sterile and the lack of light in the van was almost calming. Each dip and bump in the road made me sway. I kept my eyes low, focused on my electric blue nails. The only other sounds around me were the quick breaths of the guards and a persistent squeak to my right. What was it? I had no clue.

"Ma'am, can I ask you a question?" A guard was staring at me underneath the visor of his helmet. A light layer of stubble decorated his chin and there was a small scar on the bottom of his chin.

"Sure." I shrugged, giving him a small smile. What harm would a question do anyway?

"What are you going to do now that this is all over?" The guard tapped his foot, shivering. I guess I was a little cold to sit near, the one thing I couldn't control.

"Ummm... Well I quit S.H.I.E.L.D and now everything is under control I guess I can live life the way it was before." The way it was before... That seemed so distant, so mundane. Thinking about following the same schedule everyday now made me flinch - going to work as a barista or ice sculptor or something, and then coming home, watching television, reading something on Wattpad and then going to bed. And then repeating it the very same day. The thought of it made me shiver. I couldn't go back to that now. Far too much had changed.

The guard shuffled his feet, trying to catch my gaze. "Life without Loki?"

I'd pushed what Loki had said to the back of my mind but here it was - the excruciating truth. It hit me hard as if I'd been struck in the chest. I let out a slow breath, gripping my hands together tighter in my lap. Life without the mischievous God... No petty arguments, dick moves and snarky comments; yet somehow I knew I'd miss it no matter how much I'd hated it at the time.

The guard moved back from me, pressing his back against the van's interior. "I'm sorry, ma'am I shouldn't have brought-"

"No, no it's fine." I held my hand up to silence him. "I've been ignoring what the real consequences of my freedom are. I needed someone to give me a shove, bring me back to reality. Thank you."

"Freya?" Maria was looking at me now, her hand resting on top of mine. "Loki won't be coming back. As soon as he left to come and save you everyone agreed that no matter what happens it wouldn't warrant Loki's return to Earth. And Thor... He told us about what Odin has done, how humans are banned from Asgard. I feel like the bad guy right now but I don't think anyone else is going to give you the hard truth: you're never going to see Loki again and so you need to move on."

"Thanks, I think?" Despite her blunt words I laughed. But I will see him again as soon as I touch this emerald he'll appear.

"God, I'm such a bitch, I know." Maria moved her hand from mine, wrapping her arm around me. "I'm sorry, Freya."

"You're fine, honestly and I will move on, in time." I won't. I don't think I could move on. God, what had the leather clad Prince of Asgard done to me?

The S.H.I.E.L.D base loomed in front of me - grey against the light blue sky. The sun beat down on me, warming my skin. Small beads of sweat trailed down the back of my neck. I wanted to convince myself that everything was alright now but it wasn't. The minute I'd stepped out of the van a strong sense of dread had taken over me. Sweat made my hair cling to the back of my neck and my top stick to my back. Phil and the others would never look at me the same way again. Trust was definitely out of the picture.

I followed after Maria through the doors careful not to make any sudden movements, to somehow go unnoticed. I prayed no one would notice me. Not that there were many people around the base, only a few agents shuffled back and forth across the foyer. They wouldn't notice me, would they?

Papers stopped shuffling. Shoes stopped tapping. All voices ceased talking. I was wrong, of course they would notice the vivid blue hair and how the temperature in the room had just casually dropped by five or more degrees. Awkward...

"Please, don't let me stop you from doing your work." I caught each gaze directed my way. "I'm pretty sure I haven't frozen you in place. Then again I could... It is rude to stare."

Papers began to shuffle. Shoes abruptly tapped away, in any other direction than towards me, or near me. Voices grew louder, they spoke of last nights' football game, of politics, the weather, anything but what had happened over the past few weeks. All eyes fell away from me - they looked at the ceiling, nails, shoes, papers - anywhere but at me.

I weaved through the agents, bumping shoulders occasionally. I took the stairs two at a time, arriving by Maria's side.

She looked to me, raising an eyebrow. "You ready?"

I shrugged. "Do I really have a choice?"

"Freya!" The meeting room door swung open and Wanda bolted out of it. Her hair flew out behind her back and her red leather jacket billowed behind her. She pulled me roughly into her embrace, holding me tight. "Thank god you're okay." She lightly pulled on a strand of my hair, wrapping it around her finger. "I love your new hair."

"I think it's here to stay," I whispered in her ear.

Wanda nodded, releasing me. "I'm sorry about everything, I'm here for you." She took me back into another fierce hug. I glanced over her shoulder where every one else was waiting.

"How pissed off is Fury on a scale of one to ten?" I muttered in her ear.

"I would say eight point five," Wanda murmured back. She took a step back from me, her eyes taking me in. "I'm not letting you out of my sight again and if I do I'm making sure Stark or someone is with you."

"Oops," I laughed.

"I'm checking the locks on your house - Loki broke your backdoor lock far too easily." So that's how he'd gotten into my house and onto my sofa that night. It seemed so long ago now... Why hadn't I noticed the lock was broken? The backdoor lock had been fine the last time I'd used the door.

"How? It was fine when I saw it last..." I shook my head, my forehead creasing.

"I guess he fixed it, he probably felt bad for breaking your shed accidentally and then purposefully breaking your back door." Wanda took my hand, leading me into the meeting room.

I took a deep breath, shaking my head. The actions did nothing to quell the onslaught of thoughts rushing through my mind. The various endings to this whole 'thing'. Adventure. Mess. Chaos. I didn't even know what to call it anymore.

Everyone stopped talking, This was it then.

The smell of coffee enveloped me. Stubble grazed my neck. "God dammit Freya, if you ever do anything like this to me again..."

I gave Phil a squeeze. "I promise I won't. I've had my turn at going off of the rails, I'm not going to do it again. It requires far too much effort."

"Good to hear, kiddo, good to hear." Phil let me go, standing back from me.

Everyone else looked at me, waiting.

"Hi." Well, that didn't just make me look like a total idiot at all... Not that I didn't look like one already. I had chosen to side with the God of Mischief and Lies. And yet somehow standing in front of the Avengers I didn't feel guilty about choosing to save him, choosing what I had thought to be the wrong side in the beginning.

"Welcome back, Miss Swinton." Fury watched me walk over to the table.

I stood rather awkwardly to the side, playing with my hands. "Glad to be back." I nodded. I'm pretty sure if tension had a smell then it would have stunk the entire room out by now, choking us all. "Before anything else happens, I just want to apologise for everything I've put you guys through, but you need to know that I will never be sorry for saving Loki."

Natasha caught my gaze, giving me a smile. "We know you never meant to cause this much trouble, Freya. Heck if I'd of been in your shoes and it hadn't of been Loki I would have done the same. We all would have. You showed us the true meaning of being a hero - you never gave up on Loki like we all did."

"Now, if you'll excuse us. Could you follow Stark to the training room to determine how far your powers have... Developed." Fury tapped something into his tablet - he had stopped a video call coming into the room. Why?

"This way, Freya." Bruce smiled at me, standing up and walking towards the door which led to the training rooms.

"Sure." I shrugged, following the science bromance pair.

Once away from the door I stopped walking, crossing my arms over my chest. "What are they talking about now that I've left? It's obvious Fury is hiding something from me."

Bruce shook his head, shoving his hands into his pockets. "Was it that obvious?"

Blue hair fell into my eyes as I nodded once.

"Loki made his deal with us, S.H.I.E.L.D. He agreed that it would be best that the UN and Defence Council thought you were killed in the warehouse this morning. We all thought it would be safer if they thought you were gone." Stark shook his head, stopping outside of the training room door. "The reason Fury wanted you out of the room was because the UN and Defence Council were ringing in, checking that Loki had left Earth and that you..."

"I was dead." I nodded again, walking past him and into the training room. It was a simplistic design: above me high rafters for climbing on, on my right a desk and a small kitchenette with a fridge and on my left an entire wall of weapons. Straight ahead of me was the target range and the sparring area next to it.

Stark coughed, before looking at me. "Any cool new things you can do?"

"I have no clue. I haven't really used my powers on purpose before." I held my hand out, ice forming on my palm. A single rose. "I ignored my powers until Loki came along. He made me confront them, he... He saved me from myself." A small smile flickered across my lips, the memory of Loki holding the rose and marvelling at my magic was a happy one. I closed my hand around the flower, opening it again and then blowing on the crystals in my hand. The flew across the room making patterns in the air.

"You know the others don't think Loki did much here but Wanda told me what he did for you. He hasn't fully redeemed himself but it's a start. I mean if you can forgive him - the guy who played a part in your parents death and killed your uncle - then maybe we all can." Stark wrapped an arm around my shoulder, giving me a squeeze.

"Can you hit that target with some ice?" Bruce pointed to a target in the shape of a man at the end of the room, about twenty metres away. "The only test I'm going to actually ask you to do here - I think the tower training room is better equipped. The Avengers use it so it's more..." Bruce scratched his head, searching for the word. "Resilient. Tony actually made it fireproof not that long ago, just in case," he laughed.

The floor squeaked under my trainers as I stepped away from Stark. I raised my hand and urged the ice forward. It struck the target directly in the chest even though I was no where near close enough to the target if I had been throwing a knife. The blade would have fallen short, the ice didn't, it simply soared and with a resonating thud it had hit its mark.

"Shit," Stark murmured, his eyes glued on the target across the room. "I see what you meant when you said imagine if you wanted to kill someone..."

"I want to try something." I closed my eyes, feeling the cold inside of me. I forced it to grab my limbs. It was an odd sensation as if my skin was being peeled back, that it was being replaced. I opened my eyes and looked down to my hands. They glinted under the lights of the training room. Ice. Almost translucent and mimicking that of expensive crystal. So that's why my arms had snowflakes on them when ever I had lost control of the cold...

"Damn..." Tony muttered, reaching out and touching my arm. "You're a literal Popsicle."

"Do you think it's indestructible?" I asked, marvelling at the way my arms sparkled under the lights of the training room.

Stark took a gun from its place on the wall. "Only one way to find out."

"Tony..." Bruce stood in front of me, his hands up. "Best not to shoot her in case it doesn't work. I don't think Fury or Phil or anyone in fact will be too pleased to hear you shot Freya."

"Awww please Bruce," Tony and I complained at the same time. Great timing, aha.

"Besides." I smiled at Bruce, stepping around him. "You're a doctor and there's a first aid kit somewhere in here."

"A bandaid will not be good enough for a bullet wound. It won't do anything, that's like using a paper towel to wipe up a large puddle." Bruce stood taller, raising his eyebrows at me.

"Bruce, please?" I batted my eyelashes at him. "Just this once..."

"If he hits you in the right place, it will only be just this once." Bruce stepped away from me. "Go ahead, get shot. Don't let me ruin your fun," he chuckled.

Tony lifted up the gun, aiming it at my leg. The trigger clicked and a shot sounded. The bullet hit my leg before bouncing off towards Bruce. Shit. A wall of ice stopped the bullet from hitting Bruce square in the forehead.

Stark let out a nervous laugh. "Oops."

Bruce crossed his arms over his chest, glaring at Tony. "Put the gun away before you hurt someone, Tony."

I let the ice fall to the floor, walking over to Bruce. "Are you okay?"

"Yes, thanks to you," Bruce laughed, watching Tony place the gun back in its place on the wall display. "Could have been a hard one to explain..." He rubbed his forehead where the bullet had touched. Dammit, if I had been any later with the ice...

The ice slowly bled away from my skin. I walked up to the fridge which was used for cold compresses and water. Training could get pretty feisty sometimes. "An ice pack?"

"Please." Bruce nodded.

I took the pack over to him, feeling the cold inside of it and drawing it out. The pack went lax in my hand. I hadn't even done it on purpose... All of the cold had been drained away. A smile made its way across my face then. The idea had been bouncing around in my head for a while but now... Now I knew it might actually work. "I have to see Johnson."

Bruce took the useless ice pack from me, putting it back in the freezer. "They won't let you anywhere near him, Freya."

I leant on the table, shaking my head. "You don't understand. I can save him, bring him back."

"How?" Bruce had completely forgotten about needing an ice pack. Instead his brown eyes were focused on me. The freezer door slowly shut.

"The cold, I can draw it out of Johnson like that ice pack." I pointed to the freezer. "I can bring him back."

"There is a big difference between an ice pack and a human being, Freya." Bruce pushed his glasses further up his nose. "His organs have been... Frozen. They could work again, if brought back to the correct temperature. You basically put Johnson in cryofreeze." Bruce frowned, his eyes losing focus as he thought about it.

"There's no harm in trying..." Stark ran a hand through his hair, standing next to Bruce. "I mean, the guy's already dead. So what's the worst that could happen, right?"

"Careful, I said that before when I first met Loki and look at me, I've died once and come back from the dead." I looked to Bruce and Tony, pleading with them. "Please I have to try, I have to bring him back."

A loud rap of knuckles sounded on the training room door. Captain America stood in the doorway, smiling. "Okay, time to go home guys. Finally."

I looked back to Tony and Bruce. "I'll find a way, I will." I hugged Bruce and then Tony. One smelt of disinfectant and the other of extremely expensive aftershave. "Thank you, guys."

"Any time." The pair replied together before looking at each other in surprise. Science bros...

I followed Steve through the corridor back to the meeting room. He paused just before the door. "I heard what you guys said about Johnson."

"I... I don't know if it will work, but ever since... Since I- I killed him I haven't stopped thinking about it. How to undo it, how to make him come back." I wrapped my arms around myself. "I have to try, Steve, I have to do something. It's eating away at me."

"I'll talk to Tony and Bruce, we'll get you in." The Cap dug his hands into his pockets, eyes on the floor.

"I don't want you to get into trouble."

Steve looked to me, laughing. "I won't, it's fine. Besides if you can save Johnson's life then it'll be worth it but be careful, you're supposed to be dead. They can't know it was you that saved him. No one can."

"I know. Thank you, Cap." I hugged him, whether or not he wanted a hug I didn't care.

Steve peeled me off of him, staring down at me. "You do realise you're really cold to touch, it's like hugging a Popsicle."

"Well then Capsicle you should be fine," I laughed.

Steve shook his head, smiling as I walked away from into the meeting room.

Fury stood up and beckoned me over to him. "Miss Swinton?"

"Hey." I tucked my hair behind my ear, out of the way of my face. "What's wrong?"

"Firstly, no more stunts like what you've done, please. If I had hair I'm pretty sure it would have all fallen out by now. And for now, I'm sure Stark debriefed you, well told you at least that you don't exist anymore." Fury slipped me a new passport and a paper file across the table. "All you need to know about yourself."

"Thank you." I nodded.

"I'm glad you're okay, kid. Believe it or not I have a soft spot for you." Fury clamped a hand on my shoulder, squeezing it.

"I guess that's why you shot me then," I laughed, keeping his gaze.

"No I shot you because you were deemed as a threat. Kid, it was one life to save thousands." Fury kept my gaze, his lips a thin line. "It made me feel sick doing it, but I had to. The Defence Council would have expected Phil to have shot you, not me. I did it for Phil."

"I'm glad you did, you've always been there for Phil." I nodded. Fury's grip on my shoulder was starting to become unsettling.

"Always will be." Fury dropped his hand from my shoulder. "Now go, we need you out of the building. Wanda and Phil are going to the garage."

I stepped away from Fury, turning back to the silhouettes of Wanda and Phil as they walked away. I flipped open the passport, scanning for my new name: Sigyn Kayla Fitzgerald. My middle name, my mum's name and my favourite author's surname. It could have been worse... I could have been Helga or Bertha. Not that those names were bad, I would just never remember that they were my name or I'd just laugh when I heard them. And then have that awkward moment where I'd laughed at my own name... Oops.

"Oh and Fury?" I stopped in the doorway, looking to the stern black man.

"Yes, Miss Swinton?"

"I'll try to stay low-key this time." I flashed him a blistering smirk before running after Phil and Wanda.

Laughs sounded around the room but not one of them was Fury's.

The entire ride home I leant against Wanda, trying to keep myself together. No one spoke it was just a peaceful silence, an exhausted quiet. Everything was going to be okay. Be fine. Wanda's hands plaited my hair, leaving it trailing down each shoulder in braids. I felt sick, really sick. Everything was finally drawing to a close. This wasn't the ending I had wanted. I hadn't expected it to be a happy ending but I hadn't expected this... This chaos. My hand traced the intricate swirls on my bracelet, the one piece of evidence that proved Loki had been in my life.

Phil pulled the car onto my drive, switching the engine off and letting out a deep sigh.

I sat up then, tucking my hair behind my ear. "Can I go in first, alone?"

"Of course, we'll be in after I've debriefed Wanda." Phil nodded from the front of the car.

I opened the car door, standing up and exiting the vehicle. The fresh air greeted my face and slowly whispered through my hair.

I looked to the single plant plot on the window sill. The plant pot was heavier than I remembered... The key still in its place after all of these years. The front door creaked slightly, shedding light into the hallway.

My shoes squeaked on the floorboards, slow, dull thuds on the wood. The door shut behind me softly.

Blue. The mirror reflected a stranger. Bright blue hair with hints of navy hung down my shoulders in messy braids. Lips with a hint of blue. The hairstyle made me look innocent but I was anything but. I'd harboured a criminal. I'd killed innocent people. I'd made so many wrong decisions. But I'd changed. I was me again. The young girl I had been when I'd saved the rat from the exploding generator. The woman who wasn't afraid to love. Who stood for what she thought was right. This was me now. This was the me I was meant to be: a beautiful catastrophe.

"Meow." Zeus. He sauntered over to me, his claws clicking on the floor. Zeus looked around as if waiting for someone, waiting for Loki.

I knelt down to pick him up, shaking my head. "He's not coming back, buddy," I whispered, holding my kitten close. Zeus instantly snuggled into my face. My little fluff ball. I stroked down his neck, my hand hitting paper. No, parchment. I held the kitten away from me, examining Zeus. A piece of parchment was tucked into the back of a new collar. An emerald green design with golden swirls. Loki...

 _My dear,_  
 _My father now deems me fit to help rule Asgard, thanks to you. But Phil Coulson amongst others such as Nick Fury and all of the world leaders have banned me from coming to Midgard unless desperately needed. Apparently I have caused enough trouble for my life time - apparently they are unaware that I will live for thousands of years... I do not believe that they will ever summon me back to Midgard._  
 _I promise I will do everything in my power to be with you. But do not linger for me, continue to live your life and be the strong powerful woman that you are. Do not 'mope' (I believe that is the correct term Midgardians use). I can assure you that I will never forget you. I love you. If you are to fall in love with a better man, a man worthy of you, of your love, then do not let the thought of me stop you from doing so. You deserve the greatest happiness, my dear._  
 _You survived without me before you can again. I will never let the darkness consume me again and you should keep the ice in your limbs and not in your heart._  
 _Yours always,_  
 _Loki Laufeyson._  
 _P.S. I believe that is what Midgardians use at the end of letters for information that they have forgotten. This letter will burn once you fold it back in half. Dispose of it. They cannot know of my plans. Of our plans for the future._  
 _Also I have looked after Zeus for you, he enjoys Asgardian food better than Midgardian, and my bed far better than yours._

My dear, seriously? I held Zeus closer, gripping the letter in my hand. This was the only thing left of Loki Laufeyson. The only proof of his existence at all. I stood up, taking Zeus with me. The sofa squeaked underneath my body as I fell back on it. Leather and that smell I could never figure out. I still had no clue what it was. It _was_ Loki.

My cheeks grew cold, my hair damp at the sides. The floodgates had finally opened. Everything that had happened had come to a startling realisation. I'd hit my brick wall. I folded the letter, throwing it into the fireplace. Green flames flickered before my eyes, disappearing within seconds.

The front door opened and then quickly closed. I sat up, still hugging Zeus.

"Freya..." Wanda sighed, walking over to me and pulling me into her arms. "I don't know how you kept it together until now." Her chin rested on top of my head, as she rubbed my arm.

"W-Where's Phil?" I hiccuped.

"He went back to the base, he's hurting Freya, he had to contemplate shooting you..." Wanda sighed, her breath stirring through my hair. "And he was going back to prepare the others: Johnson's funeral is tomorrow."

I slipped from Wanda's grasp, looking her in the eye. "I want to see him. I want to see Johnson."

Wanda flinched, shaking her head. "Freya, I don't know if-"

I wiped away the tears on my cheeks, trying to banish the tightness in my throat. "Just help me sneak in. All of those days in my cell I kept thinking about how I could draw the cold away from his body. I have to try. _Please_."

"I don't think his family will be too pleased if we let his killer into his funeral." Wanda took my hand in hers.

"They won't know it's me, I'll wear a hat and sunglasses or something." I set Zeus down on my lap, his fur glistening with my tears. "Tony and Bruce agreed to it, Steve did too."

"Fine... But wear a disguise or something." Wanda stood up and walked into the kitchen. The freezer door opened and shut, followed by a cutlery draw opening and closing.

Wanda held two spoons in her left hand and in her right was a tub of Ben and Jerries. "I think it's a chick flick night tonight. No more talk of disguises, of lies, of coming back to life. I have seen enough of that for my life time."

I took a spoon from her hand, scooping out some ice cream. "I think I have too. Lets see what's on Netflix."


	26. Chapter 26

**Hey guys! A levels have taken over my life and so I'm currently going to be on hiatus but here is the last chapter until I come back next summer. I'm so sorry for my disappearance but I'll be back before you know it! I might update once in a blue moon when I have some free time (fingers-crossed!). This story still has a long way to go, so don't abandon it, I have over ten drafts waiting to be edited! :D**

One drink had turned into four. Four into an entire bottle and now here I was with a splitting headache and not much recollection as to how the latest episode of the Vampire Diaries had ended last night. My duvet pooled around my waist, my blue hair a frizzy mess around my head. I was definitely going to have to get used to this new hairdo...

I'd woken up screaming Johnson's name, shaking. Ice dusted the duvet and my limbs. I knew what I had to do today - I had to try to bring him back to life.

"Loki..." As soon as I said it I realised. I realised he wasn't here, he wasn't allowed to be. I wanted him to be. I wanted him to be by my side to comfort me. He was the only other person who had been there when it had happened, when I'd killed Johnson. My throat tightened at the thought of it, I hated it. My eyes watered. I was a murderer.

I touched the emerald jewel on my wrist. It was entirely selfish, driven by me not wanting to be alone but I didn't lift my finger, hoping Loki would appear before my eyes.

Loki's blue eyes appeared first followed by his body. The sunlight streamed through my curtains making the golden armour shine on his body and the horns on his head gleam.

"I-I didn't think it would work..." I rubbed my eyes, watching as Loki perched on the edge of my bed every bit of grace and elegance. "I'm sorry, I just... I couldn't-"

Loki disappeared, reappearing by my side. He pulled me into his arms, resting his chin on top of my head. The warmth of him was enough to settle my nerves, to stop the tears, to help me piece myself back together. "What you are about to do today is an honourable act, one of which I wish I could only do for all of my victims, Midgardian." Zeus jumped onto the bed, nudging his head under Loki's hand for him to stroke. "Hello, little one," Loki purred, scratching between Zeus' ears.

I laughed at the term of endearment, turning in Loki's arms to look up at him. "I have to try to bring Johnson back."

Loki's free hand found mine. His fingers interlocked with mine. "I understand, Midgardian, I truly do."

I looked down at our fingers, admiring how my skin still had a tinge of blue to it. "Everyone thinks it's for him - for Johnson - but really it's just me being selfish. Every night since I took Johnson's life I haven't slept properly. I can't stop thinking about what I've done. I can't stop hearing _his_ voice, reliving _his_ death. It's not just feeling bad every second of the day knowing I get to live and Johnson doesn't. It's knowing that I could do something about it... I can do something about it." I pulled my knees up to my chest, hugging them close to my chin.

Loki pulled me closer. His breath against my ear and cheek. "Although I tried not to poison that delicate mind of yours I know that I have," he sighed.

I pulled out of Loki's grasp, shaking my head. "You haven't-"

"Freya..." Loki held up his hand to silence me.

I glared at him but said nothing.

Loki's raven hair fell from behind his ears as he shook his head. It brushed across his cheeks making his blue eyes seem brighter, almost colder. "You would not have killed Johnson if you had not felt the way you do towards me. What I call poison, you call love. You would have let him kill me if you had not cared about me. You would not have even been in the same hotel room as me, let alone the same hotel."

"Bullshit," I snapped, sitting up on my knees.

Loki raised an eyebrow, a smirk lighting up his features. "I assume there is a good reason for your unladylike language?"

I nodded my head. "Yes, but first stop the poetic, Shakespeare crap and then I'll stop with the expletives. Here I was thinking you couldn't get any more ridiculous what with the helmet and all..."

Loki glared at me, sitting up and towering slightly above me. His lips parted, probably to object with my statement.

I put my index finger to his lips. "Shhh, okay? You asked why I called what you said bullshit. It was because I would have jumped in the way even if I didn't love you because that was the right thing to do. You hadn't done anything wrong and you didn't deserve to die, not in that moment, not that day. Sure you've been bad, which is a friggin' understatement to say the least, but in that moment you had done more good then bad. You'd saved me from the ice, from the cold, hell, you saved _me_ , Loki. Instead of being a knight in shining armour, you were my knight in a crazy horned helmet. I will never forget that."

Loki's pale hand circled my wrist and took my finger away from his lips. He reached forward, his hand stroking my cheek before he tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear. "I find whenever you are trying to compliment me there is always an insult tied to your compliment, my dear." Loki leant forward his blue eyes even closer to me - a glorious blue with flecks of green. This close to me I could feel the heat radiating from his body, the cold underneath it from his Jotun blood. His signature smirk brightened his face, his lips curled at the ends.

The only sound in the room right now was Loki's even breaths paired with my rapid intakes of oxygen. Loki's cologne washed over me as my thumb traced his cheek. His helmet disappeared with a shimmer. "You're not a hologram..." I muttered, my thumb now tracing his lips. "And there's nothing poisonous about loving you - it's the best thing that's ever happened to me."

"I shall not disagree with you I shall simply agree that you are the best thing that has happened to me, my dear." Loki's bottom lip moved underneath my thumb as he spoke. It made goosebumps rise on my arms.

I brushed my palm against his cheek, the sharp angle of it against my skin. "I thought you'd be a hologram, but you're real. Really real."

Loki reached up and took my hand in his, interlocking our fingers. "If I were to be a hologram, could I be able to do this?" Loki tilted his head to the side, not looking away from me. My vision was slowly taken up by electric blue. His lips touched mine, softly at first, and then Loki's hands were on either side of my hips. My hair splayed out around me as I lay down. Loki hovered above me. His tongue traced my bottom lip. I ran my hands up his back. The God of Mischief and Lies was here with me, and he was mine. Where my skin touched his it burned - a pleasant feeling of warmth that sent sparks through my body. I buried my hands in Loki's leather jacket, pulling him closer to me. I needed him closer, wanted him closer.

Loki moaned against my mouth, his hands pulling my hips closer against his.

I smirked, hooking my leg around his hip and flipping us over. Loki's tongue was in my mouth, my hands in his hair. He tasted of tea surprisingly, something I wouldn't have thought they'd have on Asgard. And something else, it was similar to the foreign smell about him - a strong, wild note to his entire being.

Footsteps sounded on the stairs. Wanda. Shit.

I pulled my lips away from the God's, staring down at him, trying to catch my breath. "Definitely not a hologram."

Loki's blue eyes lit up, looking more green against the emerald of my bed sheets. He sat up, his lips mere centimetres from mine. His eyes were alight with one emotion - mischief. "She will not come in here without knocking..." It would seem that the God didn't want to stop, even if it meant being caught.

I clambered off of Loki, holding my hand out to help him stand. "We can't risk being caught, Loki."

The God took my hand, an inane grin spread across his face. He towered above me, leaning closer. His breath rushed across my face. "You speak words of wisdom..." Loki pressed his lips to mine, mumbling against them. "Words I think I may not take heed of..."

"Goodbye, Mischief." I pulled my lips from his for a brief moment to speak before Loki pressed his lips back against mine. I didn't let go of his hand, keeping his blue gaze.

Loki's lips pulled up at the corners underneath mine. His lips moved from mine as he laughed. "I think that nickname may be better suited to you after the mischievous move you just pulled."

"Says the one who isn't meant to be here..." The God's leather armour was cold under my hands as I pulled him into a hug, pressing my lips to his one last time. "I. Love. You," I told him between kisses. "And don't you forget it."

Loki's lips lingered against mine. I tried my best to memorise each crevice, each touch and every inch of him. I kept my eyes closed when he drew away from me. I didn't want to see him disappear, see him leave.

"Goodbye, my dear," Loki whispered against my lips before kissing the top of my hand was in my hair, trailing through it as I felt him step away. "Be strong, our destinies may have been entwined from the start of our lives but we have both survived without each other long before we ever met. No matter how catastrophic our lives were before we met, we survived without each other some how."

I shook my head, smirking. Loki was gone from the room as if the last fifteen minutes had never happened. I picked up Zeus, cradling him against my chest for comfort.

"I almost forgot: I love you too." Loki whispered from behind me.

I turned around, knowing all too well that Loki wouldn't be there. But it was okay, I was okay. I was going to bring Johnson back.

* * *

The truck rattled slightly as Wanda went over yet another bump. I stared up at the ceiling, a baseball hat and hoodie concealing most of my face. The standard disguise for any superhero these days. Wanda had insisted that I lay down on the seat so no one could see me. A brilliant idea at the time that had now turned into an painful one... I had cramp in my left leg and I couldn't feel my right leg and as for my neck it definitely had a kink in it.

"If you are going to secretly make love to Loki in your room I would advise you to use protection." Wanda kept her eyes on the road, a smirk lighting up her face. She wore a simple black dress and ballet pumps, her hair in a neat french braid at the back of her head.

"What?!" I shot up from my hiding place. The car had stopped at some traffic lights, thankfully no one was around us.

"I sensed his presence. I checked on you and what I saw... Whoa..." Wanda laughed, shaking her head. Her hands were glowing red as she drove.

"Why are your hands glowing red?" I touched her hand - it was warm, scorching. I pulled away, waiting for an answer.

"I'm altering the reality around the truck - we're an old couple right now to everyone around us." Wanda turned right. The church was at the end of the road. The same as it had been all of those years ago... This was it.

"Damn, so much power over here." I tried to laugh but I couldn't. I felt sick. My stomach twisted. My head pounded. Sweat ran down the back of my neck and made my palms sticky. Everything felt warm, too warm. It didn't feel like it was the beginning of Winter at all. "You're the most powerful Avenger there is, Wanda, imagine what you could do if you really wanted it, the world would be on its knees for you."

"Says the one who can make an eternal winter. And don't say that again, you sounded like Loki." Wanda took a hand from the steering wheel, putting it on my knee. "Whatever happens in there, whether or not you bring Johnson back, it doesn't define you Freya. I know your dreams have been nightmares every night since his death. Killing him didn't change who you are, the cold hasn't changed who you are either. You're my best friend, and you always will be, okay?"

"Thanks, Wanda." I touched her hand, giving it a squeeze. "And as for sounding like Loki, that's what I was going for."

Wanda chuckled, the truck slowing down. "Time to go do your thing, Freya."

* * *

Wanda had dropped me off near to the entrance of the church and gone to wait with the rest of the Avengers before the funeral started. Steve had distracted Johnson 's mother and father and the vicar allowing me to slip into the church.

The aisle was short, a dusty carpet in front of me. My footsteps echoed too loudly, each step a deafening thud. I wish it had taken longer to reach his body, to reach the conclusion of my escapade with Loki. The small amount of light shining through the stained glass windows cast eerie shapes around me.

"This was all my fault..." I murmured, staring down at his body - the blue tinge to his skin, to his hair, the way his chest was perfectly still. "This is my fault." The guilt gripped my chest - heavy and choking. The 'What If' was a deafening roar in my head: how events could have been different... What if they had been different? I might not have been dead to the entire world, to the Defence Council. Loki wouldn't have been exiled from the Earth. But he would have been dead... Which would have been worse. I shook my head, there was no need to overthink what might have happened when in front of me was what had actually happened.

Johnson's hand was cold in mine as I picked it up, putting my hand over his. Maybe if Loki hadn't turned up, things might have been different between us. Johnson might still have been alive. I pulled my hand away from his, stepping back from the coffin - a small step - but I needed the distance.

The ice crackled in my hand. It pulsated forming the one thing I knew Johnson would recognise. So he would know it was me that brought him back to life, that I was okay.

I placed the rose into Johnson's hand, closing his fingers around it. I touched my lips to his stone cold forehead. I could feel the cold underneath my fingers on his chest. My fingers were pale against his chest, splayed across the deep black of his suit. It had been a few days or so yet the cold still lingered, it was inside him as if I had put it there just now. The cold pulled to me. It drifted through his body towards me. Who was I kidding? I couldn't reverse the cold.

I closed my eyes, stepping away from his body. "I am so so sorry, Johnson. Rest in peace. I thought I could-" I looked away from his body, my cheeks warm and wet. "But I can't."

 _"You can."_ Loki's voice was as clear as if he was in the room with me. _"I know you can, Freya."_

I took a shaky breath. My shoes squeaked on the wood of the stage. The cold followed me. I couldn't see it but I definitely could feel it. It hit me hard, knocking the breath out of me. I took another step away from Johnson's body; drawing the cold away, pulling it away from his body. It was like a dementor taking the soul from a body - it was incredibly hard to stop. I held out my fingers watching as the blue faded from Johnson's face.

"Get away from him! From my son! My baby!"

Hands wrenched me away, but the cold still followed. The ice followed my fingers. I let my hand fall to my side. I'd done enough.

Johnson's father dragged me out of the door, the ice following me.

"Stay away from him." Johnson's mother glared at me once before walking back into the church, her husband following her. "I told you we should have gotten security, Andy."

Johnson's father shook his head. "Katherine, the Avengers are here, we don't need security."

I tugged my hood, over my face, avoiding both of their glares.

The Avengers were outside in black suits, watching me. Each of them in their black suits or dresses, waiting for me to say something. Some other people stood outside the church as well: Maria, Phil and Fury. And then there were Johnson's relatives of various ages.

A glass smashed inside the church followed by a raspy breath.

I stepped away from the church doors, walking away. I'd done it. The relief was overwhelming. I let myself smile.

Steve caught my gaze. "Thank you."

I nodded, quickening my walking pace. "I didn't do it for you, for anyone here. I did it for Johnson, for myself."

"Where is she going?" Johnson's mother. "Wait, come back! Stop." She was running towards me.I could hear her heels clicking on the stones of the church courtyard.

"Ma'am, sometimes not all heroes want to be seen, just like how not all heroes wear capes." Phil spoke over the noise of the crowd now gathered outside of the church.

I paused, glancing over my shoulder. Phil stood by Johnson's mother's side, a hand on her arm.

"Thank you, you brought him back, took away the cold. You brought him back from where that frozen bitch put him. I wish she was still alive and then I could kill her myself." Her voice was cold and full of hate.

I flinched at her words, balling up my hands into tight fists. "It was the least I could do, honestly. And as for Miss Frost, I can assure you she won't make any mistakes ever again, I promise. Where she's going she won't be able to hurt anyone."

"Who are you? You saved my son."

I also killed him... At least that's what I wanted to say. Instead I just nodded, continuing to walk away.

* * *

Karl's grave was at the same church. My jeans were muddy as I knelt by his gravestone. "Maybe I could save you too..." I put a hand to the floor. The cold wasn't the same as it had been with Johnson. It was a weak force, almost gone. It lingered not far from the headstone, deep underground. It had to be in his heart. "Karl..." I whispered, raising my hand and touching the headstone. It was cold under my touch, the white marble bright against the grass. "I'm so sorry."

"Don't." Emily said from behind me. She wore a black dress, a tissue in her hand.

I turned on my knees to face Emily. She had to understand. She had to want him back too. "But, I can-"

"He's been gone for two years, Frey." A single tear fell down her cheek, rushing towards the earth.

"But I want him back..." I looked back to my big brother's headstone.

"It's been too long. He can't come back now, Freya. The world has kept going and it wouldn't be fair on him."

I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat.

Emily sat down next to me. "I heard about it all, how Loki's gone. I was also in charge of monitoring the cameras in your room... Damn he looks like a good kisser."

I elbowed her, shaking my head. "Shut up, Em."

"It's true then," Emily laughed.

"Of course, it's true. Every single agonising detail," I whispered. "Em?"

"Yes?" Emily whispered back. It must be something about whispering that makes everyone follow in suit as if they are supposed to be whispering too.

"The guilt hasn't gone... I thought bringing Johnson back would make it go away - the horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach." I shook my head, pulling my hood down off of my head, casting the stupid baseball hat to the side. I shouldn't even be wearing a superhero disguise anyway, I was the villain.

"Sometimes even when we've done all that we can to rid us of the guilt it still lingers. I wish I could tell you that you'll forget, that the guilt will disappear but you won't forget and it won't disappear. So instead you'll just have to learn to deal with it, be the strong woman you've always been, Frey." Emily's voice came closer to me as she wrapped an arm around my shoulders. "Back at the church you said you were going somewhere. Where are you going, Freya?"

I hugged Emily back. She must have worn the same perfume since she met Karl, it's familiar smell enveloping me. "I was thinking of going to America, to start a fresh. Or Mexico..." I laughed. Maybe Stark still had that cabin or shack in the mountains?

"Well, where ever you go don't forget about me." Emily hugged me tighter. "You're all I've got, frosty." I knew she wouldn't try to stop me, she'd always been like this towards me though... Just letting me learn on my own as long as I was safe, like my mum...

I chuckled as Emily let go of me, helping me stand up. She pulled me into a hug, her breath on my ear. "He wanted to see you, I couldn't say no. I'm sorry but it will make the guilt better I promise."

I pulled away from Emily.

Johnson. He stood to my right in his suit, blue eyes trained on me. No hatred marred his features, nor any sign of anger. Instead he looked somber, as if he was at peace. "Thank you, Freya."

"Don't thank me, I was the one who killed you." I shrugged, watching Emily walk away. The clearing had become all too quiet, nothing moved except Johnson. I couldn't bear to look at him, not now.

"God look at me, please." He stepped closer to me. I had no choice but to look at him. His blue eyes which in no way reflected Loki's held me in place. They didn't glint with mischief like Loki's did yet they did look at me the same way Loki did... God, no. He couldn't. Not after all I'd done to him. I turned my head to the side, looking away from Johnson. No.

Johnson let out a loud sigh. "Freya, _please_."

I at least owed it to him to listen to whatever he had to say no matter how much I disagreed. I locked gazes with Johnson. "What ever you're going to say, what ever you're going to do, it won't undo what I did to you. You're talking to your murderer, remember that." I shoved my hands into my pockets - a cold sweat on my palms.

"You had every right to kill me, I was being an idiot. I should never have tried to shoot Loki. I was in the wrong and whatever guilt you're feeling now, you don't deserve it at all." Johnson seemed far too sincere, keeping my gaze the entire time. "Loki found me after you brought me back and apologised for everything that happened, if I was going to blame anyway for my death it would be him, but I don't even blame Loki, Freya." Johnson seemed oddly calm about coming back from the dead, saying that I had been calm too I suppose. "I understand what he means to you but I also understand what you mean to him. He's changed Freya, like the Beast did with Belle's presence in Beauty and the Beast. He's still a psychotic God of Mischief and Lies but he's a hell of a better man."

"You're not going to tell anyone are you? That Loki came to Earth?" I kept Johnson's gaze, daring him to say yes. If it came to it I would freeze his mind, make him forget everything that had happened, even make him forget meeting me. The cold made my pockets freeze, ice spreading across the outside of the fabric.

"No, he apologised to me. I won't tell a soul, I promise." Johnson took another step. He was now standing right in front of me. His hands touched my pockets.

I stepped away from him. _"Don't, I'll kill you again."_

"I know you love Loki but I just have to prove something to you before I never see you again..." Johnson pressed his lips to mine. They were warm, enticing. But no electricity touched my skin, made my heart beat frantically in my chest. Nothing happened. It was just a kiss.

It wasn't right at all though: I could kill him. I didn't move. I stayed frozen to the spot. I couldn't pull away after all I'd done to him, so I'd just let him have the moment.

Johnson pulled away from me, pushing a strand of blue hair behind my ear. His hand rested on my cheek, his eyes searching my face for something he knew wasn't there. "I needed you to know that you're not dangerous, you never were."

I nodded, a single tear falling down my cheek. It froze there, held in place by the cold - a sculpture of sadness. The guilt in my stomach lessened slightly.

Johnson used his thumb to remove the tear from my cheek before his hand fell to his side. "If you ever decide that you don't want a God as your lover I'll be here. If-"

I pressed a finger to Johnson's lips. "I will never want normal before you even say it. Besides you could do far better than me, Johnson. I could never look at you and not remember what the ice did to me, what happened with Loki."

"Then I'll say this instead: if you ever need me then I'll be there. No matter what it is, I promise I'll try to help you. I can't undo what I did to you, part of me knows that I'm the reason for the ice taking control of you, but I can sure as hell try to make up for it in whatever way that I can." Johnson bowed his head to me, stepping back.

"Until we meet again, Johnson." I nodded, watching Johnson walk away. I put a finger to my lips. Well that had escalated rather quickly...

"Personally I would have frozen him again for that." Loki stood by my side. His face looked like thunder - his gaze a blistering blue, his mouth a thin line and his jaw muscles clenched.

"It's okay, I froze instead. It meant nothing to me, the world didn't stop spinning when he kissed me."I laughed at the appalling cliche, turning to the jealous god. Loki was in his usual attire, his golden armour glinting in the setting sun. He wasn't very low-key at all...

"I know, but that didn't make it any easier watching you kiss him. You could have any man that you wanted here on Midgard yet here we are." Loki took my chin in his hand, blue eyes scanning my face.

"Any man, but not a God." I wrapped my fingers around his wrist, moving his hand from my chin. "Now quit the trying to put me off of you, it'd not working. It never will."

"Heimdall asked me about you today, he said you were a beautiful Midgardian." Loki held my cheek in his hand instead, my grip still on his wrist. "He promised to watch over you for me, make sure you do not get into too much trouble."

"All the time?" I did not want some God with all seeing eyes watching me every minute of my life. What if I needed the loo?!

Loki chuckled. "He will not be watching you every minute of the day, Freya."

"Good, because that would be creepy." I took Loki's hand in mine. "You should probably go before someone stumbles on us."

Loki hummed, his lips pressing against mine. "Until we meet again, Midgardian." Loki winked, disappearing with a small flash of light.

* * *

"Call me later on tonight." Wanda smiled at me as I shut the door of my truck.

"Will do." I nodded, stepping back as Wanda drove back the S.H.I.E.L.D base.

The house was quiet. The door shutting was the only noise as I walked into the living room. White. Everything was covered in dust jackets and covers. What the hell?

Phil was perched on the sofa. It too was covered in white. Phil himself wore a new, immaculate, black suit and was freshly shaven. He motioned with his hand for me to sit down. "I'm going back to America. I want you to come with me."

I sat down across from him. Where was Zeus? And America? It wasn't a question like it had been years ago. "But what about the house?"

"It'll be here when you come back." Phil kept my gaze. "I want you in my line of sight for now after everything that's happened, Freya." No mention of Loki at all. Why was he avoiding it? Was it for my sake or his?

I nodded. It was fair enough considering everything I'd done, put him through. "What about Zeus? He has to go through quarantine?"

"Already sorted he's already at the airport with the helicarrier. The only thing missing so it can leave is you and I." Phil moved forward on his seat, resting his elbows on his knees.

"I don't want a Johnny Depp - Amber Heard crisis that's all... No animals going anywhere they shouldn't be." I stood up, heading to my room.

"I had people pack for you - there's nothing left in your room." Phil stood up too.

"What about my truck?" I turned to my Uncle.

Phil looked down to his shoes. "It's associated with you, Wanda's putting it into storage on the helicarrier until things die down as we speak. For now I'll have a driver take you where you need to go and guards watch you 24/7." Coulson moved away from me, heading towards the front door.

"Coulson?" I crossed my arms over my chest.

He stopped just before the living room doorway. Phil didn't turn around.

"We're not coming back anytime soon are we?" I whispered.

"No, we're not." Phil still didn't turn around.

I let the ice flow from my feet, creating a wall in the living room doorway. Phil couldn't leave now, even if he wanted to.

"Talk to me about it, say something."

"There's nothing to say. I was happy you were happy and then Johnson was killed." Phil shrugged, slipping his hands into his pockets.

" _Murdered_ , Phil."

Phil let out a deep sigh. "Frey-"

"No, okay. Listen to me. You were the reason I was part of S.H.I.E.L.D and now because of everything that's happened you're holding yourself responsible. Don't. We've had this conversation too many times, I'm not having it again." I took a step towards him. "I know you know I brought Johnson back but you're not said anything about it. _Please_ say something and stop avoiding it all as if it never happened." I touched Phil's shoulder. "It happened, and I know I can never stop apologising for what I put you through."

"The Helicarrier will be leaving soon - can we talk about this in the car?" Phil turned around to look at me then as the ice wall fell behind him. "We'll talk about your rebellion, about Johnson, about you letting the ice control you. About _everything_."

I nodded once, but I could tell we weren't going to talk about everything. Never once did Phil mention Loki. He was still avoiding the sorest subject and I knew then that's why he was hurting. I had sided with Phil's killer and it had done more damage than the ice or any weapon could have done.

I followed Phil to the car in silence. I needed it before all hell broke loose in the car, when I brought up the one subject that I knew Phil didn't want to talk about. I picked up my door keys, locking the door behind me. The door was cold underneath my palm. "I'll come back here, one day. I promise." I didn't know who I was talking to: my parents or Karl or Loki? Who knows?

The car doors slammed shut and then the engine roared. This was it.

I waited until we reached the end of the road before I spoke, before I opened the can of worms awaiting me. "Say it, Coulson."

"Say what?" Phil's hands tightened on the steering wheel.

"You know what. You won't even say his god damn name." I kept my hands in fists in my lap. There was no avoiding the avalanche that was coming towards me now. "I loved him, hell I still do love him, Phil. I am in love with Loki Odinson - your killer, your enemy, one of the people you despise the most."

"You figured it out."

"Of course I figured it out. I'm not stupid." The anger was simmering between the both of us. I could feel the tension in the air.

"You know he apologised for killing me, he looked me right in the eyes and solemnly promised he would never hurt me again." Phil took the third exit at a roundabout, his eyes never leaving the road.

"He's a better person now," I mumbled.

"And so are you, believe it or not." Phil hit the indicator, turning onto the slip road for the motorway.

"I'm not going to mope around just because Loki is gone, Phil." I pulled on my seat belt. It felt like it was strangling me. "Let me help S.H.I.E.L.D."

"Don't you think you've helped enough?" Phil's voice was bordering on angry as he joined the motorway.

I looked at Phil. His knuckles were white on the steering wheel. His words had hurt, a lot but I couldn't let it go. "Phil, I did what I had to do to. Surely, you understand-"

"No, Freya!" Phil hit the steering wheel. "You killed Johnson. You protected a raving lunatic. But worst of all I thought I'd lost you, I thought you'd died and then I lost you to the cold after you came back, after I thought Fury was going to let the Defence Council kill you. You've put me through so much. I'm only human Freya, I can only take so much." Phil's voice was quiet towards the end, strained.

"Phil, I never meant to hurt anyone, least of all yo-"

" _I_ was the one who _shot_ you."

I couldn't speak. I couldn't breathe. Phil had been holding his gun when I had jumped in front of Loki but I never dreamed that it could have been him to pull the trigger.

"Fury has been covering for me ever since that night because he didn't think it was a good idea me telling you. But here it is, out in the open: I killed you. You were dangerous. You had no control. So we decided it would be best to shoot Loki, to get him out of the equation to calm you down. The worst part of it all though was that we knew you'd jump in the way. That was the plan all along. I _knew_ you'd jump in the way. You were a Code Red they said I had no choice, that I had to." Phil sped up, pulling off of the motorway and taking a sharp right into an airbase. He stopped the car on the run way surrounded by forest. The Helicarrier was in front of us, agents rushing in and out of it carrying various equipment.

I stayed silent. What was I supposed to say?

"They all keep telling me that it was for your own good, for everyone else's safety but I can't think like that. I can't even comprehend that. I can't blame you for my actions, it doesn't seem fair. I shot you because I couldn't bare the thought of Loki corrupting you, that the kid I knew was _gone. And then, I-"_ Coulson let go of the wheel, resting his head on it.

"Phil you did your job, there's nothing to feel guilty about." I reached across the car, putting a hand on his arm.

"You feel guilt for Johnson's death but you brought him back and I'm proud of that. But I killed you, Freya and for ten minutes I was in a world without you because of me. Job or no job, you're family and I shouldn't have done it." Phil turned the car off, sitting rigidly in his seat. "I can't look at you now without reliving that same moment over and over again."

"I came back, Uncle Phil, didn't I?"

"Yes." Phil didn't move.

"Then there's nothing to feel guilty about. I'll stop feeling guilty about Johnson and you'll stop feeling guilty about me." I let my hand fall from Phil's shoulder. I hoped I'd done enough to get him to look at me. "We're never coming back to England are we?"

Phil turned to look at me, shaking his head. "You're not, no. It's too dangerous."

"For who?" The question was out of my mouth before I could stop it.

"For those around you, you need to be near those who can kill Loki at first sight and won't flinch, those who can help you understand the full extent of your powers. You're still a code red. If we lost sight of a nuclear warhead then we'd be in trouble and it's the same with you, Freya." Phil kept my gaze, shaking his head.

"I can control the cold now. I'm safe, Coulson. I promise I won't do anything to hurt anyone, I've done enough." I pleaded with him. He couldn't do this. He couldn't make me a prisoner.

"Yes, but no one can control you." Phil put a hand on my shoulder. "I can't guarantee that you'll be on the heroes side if a fight were to arise."

"You know me Phil, I haven't changed." I left his hand on my shoulder no matter how much I wanted to shake it off. "I wouldn't side with the bad guys unless the good guys were in the wrong."

"No you haven't changed, but you've grown up. You've filled your boots, you've chosen where you want your life to go. Even if it's not all too clear right now and the details aren't precise you know the direction you want to go in." Phil squeezed my shoulder.

"And where do you think that direction is?" I kept his gaze. I knew the answer but I needed to hear Phil say it.

Phil dropped his hand from my shoulder. "Towards Loki. That day outside of S.H.I.E.L.D... I've never seen you so happy and that's why I know that if he turns up you'll be on his side and not mine. You chose Loki once and if and when he comes back you'll chose him again. I know you won't stop until you find a way to be with him, Freya. The way you look at him and the way he looks at you, that only happens once in your life."

 _"Don't you dare make me choose, Coulson."_ The temperature in the car dropped at least five degrees by my own choice.

"You can't give me an answer though, can you?" Phil shook his head, turning away from me.

"Phil, _please_."

"No, it's okay. You love me and him but it's a different kind of love for the both of us. When the moment comes you'll most likely try and save us both. And that's what I'm worried about. That one moment of indecisiveness could cost you your life." Phil watched the agents outside, scurrying to and fro like ants.

"I'd choose you." I kept my voice even and strong trying not to let the tidal wave of emotion behind it break through.

Phil moved quickly, meeting my gaze. The answer had shocked him. It hurt me that he thought I would abandon him to save Loki. I had but not now, I wouldn't abandon him. "Why not him?"

"You made sure he was never coming back so I'll never have to choose between him and you, Phil." I undid my seat belt. "And his name is Loki, he's not Voldemort so you can use his name. Say his name. Scream his name. Shout his name for all I care because he won't hear you all the way in Asgard." I opened the car door.

"Freya, I never meant to send him away to hurt you. I was the one who got the material for Stark."

"I love you, Phil. You're the one of the only family members I have left and I'm sorry if that doesn't mean anything to you anymore. What you just said hurt like hell - you basically just told me you don't trust me anymore which I can understand, but next time just say it out loud."

"I do trust you though, Freya."

"So why do you think I won't consider your life over Loki's? He's a bloody God, he can look after himself!"

Phil stayed silent.

"It's because you don't want to lose me to him do you?"

"I can't trust Loki, Freya."

"I understand that, I really do, Phil. But you need to understand that he saved me from the ice and _I trust Loki with my life_." I got out of the car, walking away from Phil. I stopped, turning back to Phil, the car door still open since I hadn't bothered to shut it. "I hope that one day you'll learn to trust him the way you trust me. I'm not asking for it straight away but I am asking for you to at least give Loki a chance please." I turned on my heel, walking towards the Helicarrier. I'd said enough for now.

* * *

We'd been in the air for over an hour now. I'd found a deserted training room to sit alone in. Well alone as possible, considering the cameras winking at me in the darkness. The ice made different animals on the floor - a rabbit, a lion, a snake, a zebra. They all moved on their own as if they were real creatures. Each a cold, brilliant ice blue.

A knock sounded on the door before Stark entered the room. He edged past the lion, eyeing it cautiously. "If that thing eats me I will not be pleased, Ice Queen."

I laughed, waving my hand and banishing the ice.

Stark looks to the cameras in the room, hitting his watch. "You'v got me to supervise you now, no need for cameras anymore." He sat next to me. His brown eyes scanned my face as he leant back against the wall. "You okay?

"Yeah, okay as I'll ever be. Phil told me it was him that took the shot to kill Loki which killed me." I watched the clouds outside the window as we hovered thousands of miles above the ocean.

"I could tell. He looked in a pretty bad shape when he finally came onto the Helicarrier." Stark rummaged around in his pocket before producing his phone. He held it out to me - a picture of a lavish living room took up the screen with sofas and a glass balcony over looking what I assumed to be New York. "They won't let you back at S.H.I.E.L.D or anywhere near it but you're more then welcome back at the tower. I have loads of spare rooms and -"

"Why?" I looked away from the picture to Stark.

Stark frowned at me, brown eyes narrowing. "Why what?"

"Why are you being nice to me?"

"You've lost so much and I can tell what Phil said to you in the car, it was the last straw. You deserve a bit of sunshine, Freya." Stark wrapped his arm around my shoulder, giving me a squeeze.

"I just want it to all be peaceful," I sighed, watching Stark. He seemed to have adopted the big brother role over me somewhere between the Defence Council's execution and now.

Stark smirked, laughing. "As Ultron once said to me: I think you're mistaking peace with quiet."

"I guess I'll just settle for quiet then." I played with the bracelet around my wrist. Stark's presence was a comfort, it was better than being alone with my thoughts right now anyway.

"I helped design that for Loki," Stark whispered in my ear, wrapping his arm tighter around my shoulder. "He's not the only one who likes to rebel."

"I should have known..." I looked to Stark. "Thank you, what you're doing, you don't have to."

"I want to." Stark winked at me. "Besides, we gotta find out what you're really capable of. I'm interested what that ice can really do. Are you more powerful than Wanda or is she more powerful than you? Can you summon Santa and his reindeer?"

"I don't even know," I laughed, rolling my eyes.

"Speaking of reindeer... If you do choose to live with me, which to be honest I don't really think you have a choice anyway... Reindeer games can come into your room undetected everywhere else has cameras but I said no to them putting them in your room, which will be in the tallest tower of the building. You'll be like Rapunzel or Quasimodo."

"Thank you, Stark." I stood up. "For everything."

Natasha and Bruce walked into the room then, hand in hand.

"Guys, people are in this room. If you're looking for some _alone time_ please don't do it in here." Stark began to walk over to them, smirking.

Natasha rolled her eyes, giving Stark the middle finger whilst Bruce blushed. His hand caught a water bottle on the side next to him...

I extended my hand. The water bottle froze in the air, covered in a small dusting of ice as if it had been in the freezer for a short amount of time.

Natasha reached down and put the water bottle on the side. "How did you do that?"

"I have no clue..." I shook my head, looking down at my hand. That hadn't been what I'd expected to happen at all.

"Well seen as though we have a while to go until we reach America, we may as well see what you've got, Ice Queen." Stark hit a button and a whole wall of computers lit up. "Let's get this show on the road - let it go, Elsa!"

I laughed, rolling up my selves. "Say it again and I'll freeze your mouth shut, Anthony Stark."

"Damn, she's using my full name, I'm in trouble." Stark stuck out his tongue at me, hitting his watch so that his suit would begin to form.

Natasha caught my gaze. "Do your worst," she laughed.

Bruce laughed. "Just don't make too much of a mess of him, I'll end up having to put him back together and all he does is moan."

I turned to Tony, already in his Iron Man suit. I knew one thing in this enormous mess I'd made: I was going to find a way to be with Loki. Somehow. And it looks like I'd have help.


End file.
